Archive | January, 2009

Compelled to be grateful

5 Jan

For the past several months, the non-profit ministry I work at, Dare 2 Share Ministries, has been struggling financially. We’ve watched our donations and conference registrations significantly go down…and stay down. To stay afloat, we stopped buying kitchen supplies, eliminated 2 conference cities, permanently cut the not-absolutely-necessary spending from our budget, and prayed earnestly for God to provide for our ministry. In the course of 6 months, about 12 people left on their own accord to pursue other opportunities, which, by God’s grace, prevented today’s events from happening any sooner

But the lagging economy and lack of donations caught up with us…4 people were laid off today. They determined it according to which jobs could be absorbed the easiest.

I can’t help but thinking that my job would be eliminated if I weren’t the only full-time person left in the Marketing dept (besides our web guy, but he just does web). As I sat there thinking about how it would feel to have the rug pulled out from under you like this, to have a family to support, to try to find a job in this economy, I felt amazingly grateful and relieved that I still have my job. Then the guilt set in: how can I sit at my desk, not doing work (because there isn’t any!), when 4 people from the ministry no longer have a job? How can I do that?

I can’t. I have to find work to do and be productive with my time. It’s frustrating at time because I think of the things that I could change or create or do and then realize that I’d have to get approval, jump through hoops, sign paperwork, etc just to make it happen. I feel trapped at times, like I can’t make any professional decisions without asking permission from my superior. But such is life and that can’t be my excuse keeping me from working as if I’m working for the Lord and not for man.

As my team and I were praying this morning for those who were laid off, I pondered my surge of gratitude and how it illustrates the gospel. I really feel like I don’t deserve to keep my job; I don’t feel like I’ve been “earning my keep” so to speak. So I feel incredibly fortunate and blessed to still have it–like I’ve been spared something awful. It puts into sharp clarity the kind of gratitude I should constantly feel as a result of the gospel. All of my words and deeds were setting me up for an eternity in hell–that was what I deserved. Instead, I received eternal life through absolutely no accomplishment or merit of my own. I have been ultimately spared. And just as I feel my gratitude at still having a job overflow into a desire to be productive and useful, so should my gratitude at being spared from hell overflow into a desire to make my life meaningful and to live it for Jesus and what brings Him glory.

I love seeing everyday events frame the gospel in an eye-opening way. My heart grows so insensitive and cold to the amazing truth of the gospel that I become cynical and unbelieving. I ask “Why should this matter to me?” instead of “Why would God choose me?” I am humbled. I am blessed. And I feel like God has proverbially hit me on the nose and told me to pay attention to what has been so graciously and undeservedly given to me. Thanks for the wakeup call God.

Tags: , , ,

Let’s try this again…

3 Jan

Several months ago, I created a daily plan for the spiritual and physical disciplines. It was great for a little while but ultimately, it fizzled out.

This is one of my biggest personal tug-of-wars: I would love to be disciplined. I envy those who are. I try to be disciplined. I create schedules and plans and task lists. But my personality just isn’t disciplined. I don’t naturally lean toward rules, structure, plans. What usually ends up happening is that my spontaneity and “what I want to do” in that moment trumps whatever I had “planned on doing.”

But doggoneit, I’m going to try it again, as one of my New Year’s Goals is to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. This time around, I’m going to be more realistic than ambitious. I won’t bore you with the minute details but this is the summary of my spiritual plan:

  • Read the Bible and journal my thoughts/observations everyday (I am going to go through all of the epistles, starting with Romans).
  • Pray everyday.
  • Memorize one verse a week (and recite them on Sunday morning).
  • Listen to one sermon a week (not including church on Sunday).

I think that that plan is doable. And let’s be honest, I find plenty of time to watch TV and read magazines…so why can’t I find time to do these things? There is no reason why I can’t.

As for the physical discipline, I am more consistent but I still haven’t really followed a schedule. But here’s my new weekly rundown:

Sunday: REST

Monday: Pilates or Yoga

Tuesday: 30-45 min cardio

Wednesday: aerobics class (at 5:30 AM!)

Thursday: 30-45 min cardio or REST

Friday: aerobics class (at 5:30 AM)

Saturday: Pilates or Yoga

This schedule may change if/when I decide to start training for a race (once it starts getting nice again outside…which should be happening in about February 🙂 ).

Of course, this exercise schedule is a complement to eating healthy. I’m shooting for 50% carbs, 25% fat, 25% protein. I’ve been tracking my food for about a month and I’m surprisingly close to that everyday. I’m hoping that soon, I can stop tracking…it’s kind of a nuisance. I keep telling myself that it’s about being healthy and treating my body with respect because it is a temple of the Holy Spirit–that means not feeding it high-cal, high-fat foods or feeding it too much/too little food. If I fuel my body correctly, it will run correctly and I will live a long, happy life (God willing).

So this is my attempt at being disciplined. Maybe I should set up a reward system…like a bulletin board that I get to put stars on for every week that I achieve my goals 🙂

That was actually supposed to be a joke, but now I’m seriously thinking about it. That could be a good motivator… 

Just want to wish everyone good luck with any New Year’s Resolutions Goals that they’re making! I’ll continue to update with my victories and losses–let me know yours too!

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Frigorific

2 Jan

So yeah, that’s an actual word. Don’t believe me? Check it out.

It was actually the word of the day today from Merriam-Webster. It means “causing cold; chilling.”

This may just be my new favorite word.

Speaking of cold, where did it go? It’s back up into the 60s here in Denver. Oh but don’t worry because this weekend “we will return to winter” according to the weatherman. Tomorrow will be in the 30s and Sunday will be in the 20s. After being in Minnesota for just a week and surviving major sub-zero temperatures, this seems like child’s play.

Tags: , , ,

Happy New Year!

1 Jan

Since it is January 1st, I thought it would be fitting to write a post reflecting on 2008 and hoping for 2009. So here goes…

On 2008

What was the best thing that happened?

We bought our first house. I absolutely love having our own place.

What was the worst thing that happened?

Well, in comparision to other people, nothing majorly bad happened. I would say that the hardest part of the year, though, was when Travis and I were going through a rough time during the first few months of the year.

What is one thing you are happy to have done?

I’m glad that I ran a half marathon in May. I’m also glad to have taken 2 week-long vacations back to Minnesota to see friends and family. (Whoops, that’s 2 things…)

What is one thing that you regret doing?

Being mean and disrespectful to my husband (this is an ongoing battle).

What is one thing you wished you would have done but didn’t do?

Travel more, even if would just be in the state of Colorado.

Did you accomplish all of your goals for 2008?

I’m pretty sure I didn’t, even though I didn’t have any specific “New Year’s Resolutions” per se. But I know that I had wanted to be more intentional and thorough with my study of the Bible. Even though I read the whole Bible in a year, I didn’t really study it, if you know what I mean.

If you had to describe 2008 in one word, what would it be?

Bittersweet. Parts of the year were rough but other parts of the year were extremely blessed.

On 2009

What are you most looking forward to about 2009?

I have a lot of things I’m looking forward to: spending another year with my wonderful husband (and celebrating our 2-year anniversary in May), going to Mexico with my family in March, hiking and backpacking in the mountains, going skiing, reading good books, running some more races (a full marathon?), writing my memoir, and spending warm summer nights sitting in our new patio furniture, sipping some alcoholic beverages.

What are your goals for 2009?

In order of significance,

1. Grow my relationship with the Lord through daily Bible study and memorizing one verse a week.

2. Write my memoir and seek out publication avenues.

3. Be consistent in my healthy eating and exercising habits.

4. Become a more respectful wife by building Travis up through my words instead of calling him names and saying nasty things when I’m mad (things that I am not proud of doing!)

5. Learn contentment in my work, regardless of what I’m doing.

6. Go hiking, camping, and/or backpacking at least once a month (weather permitting!)

7. Travel more. Travis and I want to go see the Grand Canyon…possibly for our wedding anniversary.

8. Start and complete these house projects: landscaping in our backyard, installing new windows, and get new front door (one with windows).

This is the first time that I’ve actually ever made goals and written them down…we’ll see in 2010 how it goes I guess! Well, now I’m off to watch the Nebraska v. Clemson game at one of our friends’ house.

Happy New Year!

Tags: , ,

Newer Entries →