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The Eternal Blessing of Motherhood

12 May

Today is my first Mother’s Day. It has been a decent day. Emma has cried a lot today and had her first diaper blowout, prompting an outfit change at church. But on the bright side, it’s GORGEOUS weather outside and Travis and I were able to eat Chipotle for lunch on our deck while Emma slept. Now Travis is taking a nap while I watch Emma, and in a bit, he’ll watch her while I take a nap. Teamwork!

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In honor of this special day, I wanted to share this amazing blog post that my wonderful sister-in-law, Jen — mother to my 16-month-old nephew — wrote on her blog Building a Humble Home.

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Being a mother is the single greatest gift and honor in the world. Nothing compares to the love and joy you feel for your child. Nothing else really seems to matter once you become a mommy. Being a wife and mother is my life’s calling. Raising our son and caring for our home is exactly where I belong.

However, I didn’t always feel that way. The first 8 weeks of motherhood were hard. So hard, that I remember pacing the halls trying my best to quiet a screaming baby, and in tears of frustration, wondered why anyone would want to be a parent. In those moments you wonder if it will ever really “get better” as everyone says it will. Yes, moments I’m not proud of, but sleepless nights and post pregnancy hormones can do a number on a new breastfeeding mother.

As I’m discovering, being a mother can be more challenging than I realized. Some days harder than others. Those difficult days will test your very being. Finding ways to be patient and show love even when you are tired and worn down can be one of the hardest. The devil makes you lose your focus for your family. In these moments the devil will make you feel self-centered, filling you full of lies about deserving more in your life, making you feel like folding laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaning the house is not important. All lies!

On the hard days, I’m learning that when focus is lost and frustration and anger take hold, I have to surrender to God and give it all to Him in prayer. The moment I try to do it alone or feel that I’ve got it, I’m knocked down.

I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not in control.

No amount of hair appointments, or exercise, or shopping will refuel and rejuvenate me like time in the Savior’s Word. That is where I am lifted back up, reassured, and given a hug and a pat on the back. That is where I’m reminded that raising our son and caring for our home is virtuous.

I’m also learning that when I remain focused on God throughout my day (prayer, listening to sermons, and reading the Bible) I notice I’m a different person, a better mother. I’m calm, relaxed, patient, engaged, and present. You see, God knows exactly what we need. And He is using motherhood to strengthen my relationship with Him, molding me to be the person He created me to be so I can sow seeds in our son’s life. Coming to understand why motherhood is difficult is not something that happens over night and is something that requires God’s continuous work on me daily. Through my struggles and weakness, He provides me strength. It’s when I’m most vulnerable and weak, that I grow stronger in the Lord.

Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

Jeremiah 17:10 “I the Lord, search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doing.”

Isaiah 40:28-31 “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

It’s imperative that I give my all and continually seek God in motherhood. My son’s life depends on it. I’m doing more than just raising a son; I’m raising a disciple of God.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 “5 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. 6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

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What a crucial reminder Jen’s post was to me that my daughter is an eternal being with a soul and that her greatest need is to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. It is an honor to be entrusted a little life to raise up as a follower of Christ, and I can only be the loving, patient, faithful mother I am called to be by daily spending time in God’s presence.

Go check out her blog – she has tons of great thoughts about motherhood and life!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of my lovely readers who are mothers!

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Two Dogs and a Biscuit

2 May

Our dogs Katy and Charlie have adjusted really well to Emma. They had already been around young kids quite a bit and always done well, so we weren’t that concerned with how it would go, but it’s still been interesting to see their reactions to the newest member of our family.

When we first got home from the hospital, we brought Emma down to their level and let each of them sniff her. That’s about the extent of the attention that Charlie pays Emma – sniffing her every once in a while, presumably to make sure it’s still the same baby. We also have to watch Charlie to make sure she doesn’t flop on Emma or accidentally hit her while begging for us to rub her belly. (She’s been known to do that to other dogs, so why not a Biscuit?)

But Katy has taken on a more protective role.

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Whenever Emma is crying, Katy gets really concerned. If the door to the nursery is closed, Katy paces around outside it, whining. Especially that first week. She’d stand up on her hind legs to check on Emma while she was on the changing table getting a diaper change or in the kitchen getting a bath – both events that elicited quite a bit of crying from Emma.

IMG_4412 (Large)Katy also follows me and Emma around during the day so we put a little bed for her on the floor in the nursery, and she hangs out in there when I’m nursing Emma.

The dogs have been going slightly stir crazy with receiving less attention and being cooped up due to the snow. Whenever friends from church bring us dinner, they both go nuts for attention. And taking both the dogs and Emma on a walk takes quite a bit of coordination – not to mention a run! The other day, my mother-in-law and I took the dogs and Emma on a walk in a park near our house. Emma started cracking about 5 minutes after we got there so she took Emma out of her carseat and carried her while I held on to the dogs and pushed the stroller. It was tricky but I think it’ll get easier – I’m pretty sure we’ll need to get a dog leash that goes around our waist, so that we have both hands free for the stroller. (Or maybe only take both the dogs and Biscuit when both Travis and I are going along.)

I’m looking forward to when Emma is old enough to play with the dogs herself!

What was your experience when you introduced your dog(s) to your baby?

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Exercise Post-Baby

26 Apr

Like I mentioned yesterday, my post-baby ab muscles are a joke. I discovered this very quickly when I attempted to do the postnatal ab workout included on my Prenatal Pilates DVD. I lasted about 2 minutes and turned it off – plank exercises will not be happening for quite some time. The Prenatal Pilates workouts themselves are more of my speed and ability right now.

My main form of exercise so far has been walking – because I had that tightness under my rib cage, I started out just walking to the end of the street and back. When I started feeling better, I walked my normal dog loop of 1.15 miles, which takes me about 20-25 minutes. And then one day, it was sunny and I was so antsy to get out and jog that I went for it. That was 12 days postpartum.

Stupid? Too soon? Perhaps. But in my defense, my doctor said I could do any exercise that I felt up to, as long as I used common sense. And my bleeding had already stopped, I didn’t have any cramps or pain before or after, and I took it really slow, and walked a lot – so much so that my average pace for my 2 mile walk/jog was 15:58/mile. My jogging intervals were around a 12:30-12:40 pace.

And it was wonderful being out there. It felt like I picked up right where I had left off in pregnancy (at the same slow shuffle), and it got me even more pumped up to get back into running. But I could definitely notice my lack of core strength, and I do realize that my body has gone through a lot and I don’t want to jump into anything too intense too soon. So for now, I’m going to limit my jogs to one a week, and really listen to my body. For the rest of my workouts, I’ll be doing Prenatal Pilates, sit-ups and push-ups to build up my core strength, walking, and hopefully some swimming (now that I can go in the middle of the day, when it’s not busy!).

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I’m planning to find a race in late summer/early fall to train for, since I love having a goal, but for now, I’m just going to enjoy getting out there.

(Side note: On my jog, I didn’t take Emma, only the pooches. Just in case you were concerned about her being in a jogging stroller so young.)

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Getting back into running…soon.

30 Mar

morning_run_29393With the weather warming up, the daylight stretching into the evenings and the end of my pregnancy right around the corner (a max of 3 weeks away), I find myself seriously jonesing to get out and run. The other day, I was out on a walk and my legs felt the best they have in months, and it was so tempting to just break into a jog! I didn’t because I’m still carrying around this bowling ball in my belly, and I don’t think running would feel very good.

As much as I love to train for races, and have been very tempted to start looking up dates and planning things out, I’m restraining myself. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a few ideas rolling around in my head… or that I haven’t talked to a friend about doing a sprint triathlon in August. But I’m not committing to anything just yet.

My plan is to first get the all-clear from my doctor that I can start high-intensity exercise again. Then I’m just going to see where I’m at. I honestly would not be surprised if running 2 miles at a 12 minute pace is a stretch. I can definitely tell that I’ve lost muscle tone and endurance from not doing much during pregnancy other than walking. I mean, I’m pretty sure my butt has actually gotten smaller during pregnancy, from not running. You wouldn’t think that’d be a bad thing, but it’s slightly depressing because it makes me wonder how long the road will be to get back into the shape I was in before (though I can guarantee that I will not be in marathon shape again for a very long time!)

But whether I’m starting from scratch, or pleasantly surprised that I’m not as out of shape as I thought, it’ll be good to get back out there.

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You’ve got to be kidding me.

8 Mar

Remember how my last baby shower almost got snowed out?

Well, here’s the forecast for my baby shower tomorrow in Denver:

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Seriously?

What are the freaking odds?

It has only snowed (for real) in Denver once all ‘winter’. And it was on the day we were flying back from Florida. And now this.

Bah.

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My Plan for Maternity Leave and Work After Baby

6 Mar

Back in November, I started working out what my maternity leave and return to work plan would be. It has just recently been approved. Glad I was so ahead of the ball!

So here’s my plan:

Since Emma has a 50/50 chance of coming on or after her due date, I’m planning to work right up until then, meaning my last work day will be April 5. Ideally, I’d be able to take more time off before she comes but because my time off is limited, I’d rather use it after she comes. If she comes early, I’ll start my leave early (duh).

If I work through April 5, 12 weeks of maternity leave would put me coming back on the week of July 4th. Since my FMLA leave won’t start until May 7 (when I’ll have worked at my job for 12 months), I’ll be actually taking 13 weeks instead of 12. Six of those weeks will be covered by short term disability at 80% of my pay, and 6 of those weeks will be unpaid. If I end up starting my maternity leave earlier than April 5, I’ll cut my leave to 12 weeks total.

When I return to work, I’ll be coming back part-time 3 days a week (Tues – Thurs). My boss is awesome and really fought for me with this arrangement. Apparently, transitioning to part-time is very rare where I work. My three immediate supervisors are kind of making an exception for me and offering this arrangement on a 6-month trial period. They want to make sure that the workload isn’t too much for being part-time. I had originally requested to work 2 days half the year and 3 days a year half the year (since our workload tends to be very seasonal) but they didn’t feel comfortable with only 2 days.

Until recently, I had always planned on being a stay-at-home mom once we had kids. I’m not a career-driven person by any means, and until recently, my job had bored me to tears about 80% of the time. But things at work have really turned around, and Travis and I both agree that it would be nice to be able to pay off some more loans while we only have one child, so that my staying home in the future (when we have more kids) will be more feasible. I also have a pretty well-paying job right now and we have a good friend who is going to watch Emma for a very affordable rate. So we really do come out ahead with me working.

I’m still not completely sure how I feel about going back to work 3 days a week, or what I’ll think about it in July. But I’m willing to try it out for a month or two. I try to remind myself that just because I’ll be a mother doesn’t mean I have to only do mothering things. And it’ll actually be beneficial to our family if I keep pursuing my own goals and dreams. Maybe that means working part-time. Maybe not. It’s another one of those questions I’m hoping becomes more clear once I’m living the reality.

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And just something kind of funny, I got this in the mail yesterday:

20130305_202242My report date? April 9. I think I’m going to be able to get out of this one.

 

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Florida 2013

27 Feb

Every 2 years, my immediate family goes on vacation together. This year, my aunt and uncle were also able to join us. Usually, we go to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, which is wonderful. But since I was pregnant this year and my nephew is only a year old, we decided to stick to the States. We were a little worried that maybe the weather wouldn’t be as nice, or we wouldn’t like having to cook our own food, or renting a private property wouldn’t turn out well, but I’m happy to say that the whole vacation went great!

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Except for the first day that we were there, it was sunny and high 70s every day (which was plenty warm when you were sitting in the sun!). The house we rented (through the VRBO website) had a great pool and hot tub (once we figured out how to heat it) and it was a lot of fun having a common area to hang out as just our family, instead of staking out lounge chairs and deciding where to meet up every morning. It also allowed my sister-in-law to hang out with everyone while my nephew napped – something that would have been tricky, if not impossible, at a big resort. Who knows what we’ll do in future years, but for this year, Florida was perfect.

IMG_4205 (Large)The pool and hot tub

IMG_4241 (Large)The canal that ran behind our house

Just like our Mexico vacations, we spent almost every day just relaxing, mostly around the pool. Every morning started off with coffee as strong as we could make it and a delicious breakfast, usually prepared by my mom. A treat my brother and his girlfriend shared: egg, sausage and sharp white cheddar on an English Muffin with blueberry jam. Delicious.

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IMG_4234 (Large)My nephew loved that little blue truck.

We also went to the beach a few times, but it was usually pretty windy so we preferred the pool.

IMG_4209 (Large) IMG_4224 (Large) IMG_4283 (Large) IMG_4286 (Large) IMG_4301 (Large)It was fun to see how much my nephew improved in his walking ability just in the week that we were there. Kids learn so quickly!

IMG_4302 (Large)856686_10100734809113852_1519118560_oOn Wednesday, we went mini-golfing, a favorite pastime of ours.

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It was definitely a little hard to bend over for the ball with this belly!

Another notable happening was a trip to Trader Joe’s – my first time ever! I discovered the amazingness that is Crunchy Cookie Butter. Seriously, if you love peanut butter, try this. On the whole, I can see why people like shopping at Trader Joe’s but I found that it’s very similar to the Sprouts stores we have in Colorado. So I feel less like I’m missing out on things. Although, once a TJ’s opens here, I will be going to buy more of that Cookie Butter.

We also went out to eat a few times – my brother had an insatiable craving for fish and chips so we walked to the Old Salty Dog for dinner one night. They were apparently pretty tasty. I had some tasty shrimp since fried food gives me really bad acid reflux (and it did even before I got pregnant). After mini-golfing, we had lunch at the other Old Salty Dog location, which was right on the water. My fish tacos were a little disappointing but other people got the Grouper catch of the day and liked it.

856547_10100734804053992_1784737307_oAs I mentioned in my pregnancy update yesterday, I’m pretty sure I ate ice cream every day we were there. One day, I ate it twice. How I only gained a pound in 2 weeks is really beyond me. (And for the record, Crunchy Cookie Butter is delicious on ice cream too.) A couple of times, we got ice cream from a shop called Big Olaf. If you’re ever in Siesta Key Village, check them out.

Friday evening, my brother Chris, Travis and I headed to the beach about 45 minutes before sunset to take my maternity pictures. Right before sunset, everyone else joined us down there for a family picture. I’ll post those pictures once the photographers post them (aka my oldest and youngest brothers, and uncle).

And that’s about it for our Florida trip!

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Pregnancy Update: 30 Weeks

28 Jan

30w0d30 weeks feels like a big milestone. It’s feeling more and more real everyday!

But with that excitement comes some not-so-fun pregnancy symptoms. I’m grateful to be healthy and mobile, and still think that this pregnancy is pretty smooth overall. But the pain in my pelvic/inner thigh area is getting worse. Now it feels like my hip joints are coming loose. Every time I roll over during the night or get up from sitting, I groan in pain. It hurts to lift my legs so putting pants on or drying off after a shower requires some creativity. I can only do a very slow grandma waddle and even a slight incline makes the pain worse. If the condition didn’t get worse, this would be totally bearable. I’m just a little nervous about having 10 weeks to go. Travis might have to start pushing me around in a wheelchair!

Other not-so-fun symptoms:

– acne on my face, back and chest (seriously sooo sick of this)

– acid reflux

– back pain

– swollen ankles (it’s starting…)

– sore feet

– braxton hicks contractions

– intense belly pain (apparently a form of round ligament pain)

– an increased appetite but smaller stomach (prompting many 3 a.m. snacks)

– no desire to cook, or sometimes even eat (I’m hungry but don’t feel like anything)

– CRAZY dreams (almost every night this past week, I had a full night’s dreams about something that had happened that day… people from work after a stressful day, interest rates and stocks after a meeting with our financial advisor, a package of airline peanuts Travis brought home from a work trip)

– pelvic pressure that makes it feel like I have to pee all. the. time.

– feeling out of breath/heart racing pretty often

Pregnancy is an experience, that’s for sure. But it’ll all be so very worth it and as long as I don’t have to be induced or go on bed rest, I’m a happy camper.

It helps that I have a lot to look forward to in the next couple of months. Or else it would feel like a very loooong 10 weeks.

This past weekend, Travis and I didn’t have anything scheduled so we tried to finish up some projects and chores around the house, spent Saturday afternoon lazing around and walking our dogs to the dog park, went to Zero Dark Thirty Saturday night (it was good!), and had movie night with friends last night. I had good intentions about blogging – there’s a draft just waiting to be published – but it didn’t happen. Hopefully I’ll post more this week. I actually have stuff to talk about!

Last Tuesday night, I went to a breastfeeding class. It was helpful, albeit a bit awkward to practice holding a baby to your chest with a bunch of men around. The only class we have left now is CPR and First Aid, which we rescheduled to take in March.

Travis finished the window in the nursery finally so everything in there is set, except for some pictures on the wall and a small table for next to the glider. I like to just stand in the doorway and imagine what it’ll feel like to have a real baby to put in there!

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My workouts last week:

Su: 1.55 mile walk

M: 1.15 mile walk

T: 20 min prenatal yoga

W: 1.15 mile walk

Sa: 30 minute walk

As evidenced by all the walks I take, my dogs serve as my main motivator for exercise. Otherwise it would be very pitiful.

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Symptoms: See above

Cravings: Anything sweet, specifically frozen yogurt

Weight gained: 1 lb this week (21 lbs total)

Rings on or off: On, but sometimes tight in the morning

Belly button in or out: Starting to poke out!

Stretch marks: None

11 days until I fly to Minnesota for my baby shower! And only 20 days until we leave for Florida! I can’t wait!

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Goal for 2013: Thanksgiving

17 Jan

gratitudeI’ve been thinking about the year ahead and what I want to focus on, and I keep coming back to Thanksgiving. Since reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp a year ago, I have seen what an amazing difference being thankful for God’s blessings makes in my experience of joy.

It keeps me focused on What Is, instead of What Should Be.

It reminds me that because of God’s intimate involvement in my life, my cup can always be full.

It satisfies me with God’s goodness (Jeremiah 31:14).

It enables me to love and serve others from a place of abundance and contentment, giving new meaning to ‘natural overflow.’

It highlights the grace that God provides even in hard situations and challenges.

It turns to me the ultimate thing to be thankful for, the reason why I have God’s favor and not His wrath – Christ’s death in my place and resurrection to eternal life.

Despite of all these benefits, it’s hard to remember to give thanks. Left to my own devices, I always run back to being consumed with The Way Things Should Be, which is really just me saying that The Ways Things Are isn’t good enough. Whether those ideas of ‘should’ are born from discontent with all that God freely gives, or an attempt to make my life conform more to the Christian ideal, they all lead to the same place: Guilt. Condemnation. Bondage.

Giving thanks for the reality of life is the freedom from that.

In giving thanks, I recognize God’s sovereignty in my life. I rest in the knowledge that He has created me to be who I am, given me the life that I have and provides sufficient grace for all that He calls me to. Who am I to say that things should be different?

Really, thanksgiving paves the path to contentment in God, and enables the full living of life in the moment, no matter what that reality entails.

So to practice thanksgiving regularly in 2013, I’m taking Ann Voskamp’s idea of writing down 1,000 gifts and tweaking it a bit.

My one goal is to write down one thing each day that I thank God for.

I plan to write it down at the end of the day or first thing the next morning, when I can reflect back on the day and be reminded of the ways God blessed me.

“For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.” (1 Timothy 4:4-5)

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Shot Debaucle

16 Jan

At one of my prenatal appointments a month or two ago, the midwife recommended that I get a Tdap vaccine during my third trimester, since it passes on the immunity to the baby in utero. They also said that anyone who is going to have contact with the baby should get the shot. So I scheduled an appointment for both me and Travis with the Jefferson County Health Dept (where the midwife told me to go). The earliest opening they had was 3 weeks out from when I called, which was last night.

Our appointment was at 5:30 so I got home around 5:20 and expected Travis to be ready waiting by the door. For various reasons, he wasn’t ready and we didn’t end up leaving our house until 5:30. I hate being late so I was already crabby. Then, it was a challenge finding the building in the dark so we didn’t end up getting there until 5:45, by which time I was completely bent out of shape. I don’t know why it didn’t register earlier, but since this is the public health clinic, appointment times are just for show. The waiting room was full of people, which surprised me since we were the last appointments of the day. We checked in and discovered that they didn’t accept United Healthcare insurance (what?). Travis has additional insurance through his work (Anthem), which they did accept. So my shot would be about $15, and his would be free. Fine.

Then we sat in the waiting room for an hour. I was reading Us magazine so didn’t really mind but Travis got on the phone and found out that Walgreen’s offers the same shot, they accept United Healthcare, and United would cover all of it. There were still a few people in front of us, so we told the receptionist that we were leaving, she gave us the stink eye (you’re mad that you get to leave earlier?), and drove over to Walgreen’s.

The pharmacist was really friendly and while they didn’t have any flu shots for Travis (which I don’t think is critical anyway, since Emma won’t arrive until after flu season, and Travis works from home), they did have the Tdap vaccine. Within 15 minutes, our insurance had been processed, paperwork filled out, shots administered, and we were on our way out the door.

I won’t turn this post into a political rant but I will say that I am very grateful for health insurance, and being able to go to a private clinic that is efficient and friendly.

And if you’re looking to get your Tdap vaccine, go to Walgreen’s.

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