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A weekend adventure

30 May

Travis and I are going backpacking this weekend with some friends. I’ve never been backpacking before but I got to buy a brand new backpack (it’s orange and I love it–out of all the backpacks I tried on during our 9-month “research period,” this one fits me the best by far) so I’m pretty pumped about that. I always love buying new stuff and using it for the first time.

Anyway, tonight we’re camping near the trailhead (and near our car) and then tomorrow we’re off on a 4-mile adventure. Not the longest hike but long enough for my first backpacking trip. I’m just a little worried about the whole food sitch. I tend to have a voracious appetite at times, especially out hiking. BUT like Travis said, nothing like a camping trip to make you lose a few. I’ll try reminding myself of that when my stomach is growling and tree bark is starting to look pretty tasty.

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Bodily contentment

26 May

“Because your steadfast love is better than ______________, my lips will praise you.” Psalm 63:3

At one women’s meeting in college, we were challenged to fill in that blank with whatever our biggest idol was, the thing we wanted most. At that time, I filled the blank with marriage. That’s what I wanted the most–and the thing I had the hardest time trusting God with.

But now the blank would be filled with a flat stomach. My stomach is my least favorite body part and no matter how in shape I get, how many sit-ups I do, I’m never quite satisfied with it.

Like most Americans who aren’t satisfied with their bodies, I have tried diets and exercise. I have counted calories and analyzed nutrition facts. I have sworn off sugar, cut out pop, ate more protein, ate fewer carbs. And you know, in college I was thin. I look back at pictures and think “Hey, not bad!” But here’s the kicker: I was never satisfied. No matter how much weight I lost and how toned I got, I never got to that elusive point (that I sinfully think is still out there somewhere) where I think “My body is now exactly how I want it.” Even if I did get to that point, one cheeseburger and it’d all be over.

So the past couple of days, I’ve been thinking about contentment, God’s glory, and my life. I listened to a great sermon by Tim Keller called Splitness about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and the Apostle Paul in Romans 7. Keller points out that the commandment that gave Paul the most trouble was the 10th–Thou Shalt Not Covet. This commandment was different than the rest because it dealt with a heart issue and not just behavior. Keller said that the opposite of covetousness is contentment and that if we really had God, if we really understood how loved we were, we would be content.

Then, Travis and I were up hiking near Nederland. And I started thinking about something I read in Comfortable in Your Own Skin: being content with your body is glorifying to God. I had heard John Piper say that the purpose of our possessions is to show how much more precious God is to us than they are. The purpose of my body is to show how much more precious to me God is. It made complete sense: I remind myself to be content without the latest fashions and newest gadgets because God is enough. Being content with my body as it is right now–not because “it’s good enough” but because GOD is good enough–is glorifying to God.

Another thought I had that is weaved into all this is that in Christ, I have been freed from the Law–meaning I am justified on the basis of Christ’s perfection and not my own. Similarly, I have been freed from the law of beauty–being thin. Jesus thinks I’m drop dead gorgeous (to borrow from Greg Stier) because of Christ’s beauty in me. He is perfect so I don’t have to be.

“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” Being thin doesn’t compare to experiencing the Father’s steadfast love. His love trumps all.

“All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with your love, and all I have in You is more than enough.”

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Us, homeowners?

25 May

Travis and I drove around and looked at houses again today after having a little BBQ and reading session in a park near our apartment. The first 3-4 houses we looked at were “Eh?” or “Ew!” so we weren’t feeling very optimistic about the houses for sale in our price range. But the last 3-4 houses we looked at were more like “You know, given the right touches and help, this house has some potential” and “I could see us living here.” So we headed home with high spirits and high hopes.

So now the action plan is: prayer. Prayer, prayer, and more prayer. Travis and I are really asking a lot with the whole house hunting scenario. We want a nice, well-kept home selling for no more than $200K ($175 would be more like it), with a large yard, porch and/or patio/deck, a 2-car garage, a master bedroom w/master bath, and at least one additional bedroom and bathroom. On our “wouldn’t it be nice” list are: vaulted ceilings, open floor plan, lots of storage, big windows, and only minor tweaks needed (like not needing to overhaul the grody outside color of some houses!! honestly, WHAT were some people thinking?!?!?!?) 

In addition to all those requests, we are having our first day of looking at the insides of houses on June 7th. Hopefully, we’ll get to know what we like and don’t like, see what’s on the market, what goes for what price, etc. Then, according to our plan, we have a 2-week window to find a house we like, put an offer down, have it accepted, and set a closing date at the end of July. Some people spend 2-3 months looking at house (or longer!). We have about 2-3 weeks. 🙂

So you can see how we’re asking for a lot…

But God is able and willing to provide. And even when all of life falls into place just how I think it should, God is behind it, orchestrating it all. Even if our house plans don’t fall into place how I “think they should,” God is good and sovereign and has a purpose for everything.

So as we’re driving around looking at houses, and I can feel rising up in me the controlling maniac that wants to run up to the door of a house that I “kinda like” and yell “We’ll take it!”, the same maniac that will throw a fear-based temper tantrum if I see a house I want to put an offer on but Travis doesn’t, I know that I need to ground my heart and trust in the Lord everyday. I need to be a godly woman whose roots are sunk down deep into the truth of the gospel, a woman who doesn’t fear ANYTHING that is frightening (insert John Piper’s voice from his sermon The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission).

God will provide. He always does.

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Our first anniversary is today!

19 May

A year ago today, Travis and I got married. It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year but so much has happened during that time. We moved to Colorado where we didn’t know a soul, got new jobs in different fields than we had worked in before, started going to a new church, met new friends, bought a new car (well, new to us), and are now planning on buying a house.

We have also learned so much about the importance of communication–and the results of miscommunication. I learned to accept my husband as he is and not expect him to be what I consider ideal–especially since I don’t really know what this is. I have found a new appreciation for Travis and all that he does for me and our marriage and am realizing more and more everyday how much I take him for granted. He is truly my best friend. So often when we’re spending time together, I realize that I don’t ever concentrate on our interactions–they come so easily and naturally that it really feels like he is my other half.

So to celebrate this milestone, Travis surprised me by taking me to a secluded mountain cabin about 30 minutes from Woodland Park (very close to Pikes Peak). The cabin had a great view of Pikes Peak, a hot tub outside, and a big bed, comfy couches, great deck, full kitchen, and satellite TV. What more could you ask for?

When we first got to the cabin, I took some pictures and then read for a while on the deck in the sun–one of my very favorite things to do. After reading, Travis and I watched some TV and then made dinner. After that, we went in the hot tub and then opened presents. I bought Travis The Resurrection of the Son of God by N.T. Wright–a book he had showed me at Borders and said he wanted. It’s 800 pages long and very up Travis’ alley–an academic book that’s hard to read. Travis bought me a picture of me running the half marathon and put it in a blue metallic frame. I love it! I had wanted to buy a picture from that race… I think I look pissed in the picture though. Travis said that I just look determined. 🙂

Today, I “slept in” until 7:15 (I fell asleep at 9:30). I ate breakfast in bed and then made some for Travis. We watched TV for a while and then went in the hot tub again. After that, we packed up all our stuff and headed to Mueller State Park, where we did a few moderate hikes. My legs were sore from the race on Sunday so I didn’t have much energy to hike. The snow-covered mountain ranges around there are so beautiful.

Then we drove back to Boulder and are planning on watching “Secondhand Lions” and drinking champagne. So relaxing and nice.

See pictures from our weekend getaway here.

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Going solo

17 May

Tomorrow morning at 6:00 AM I am running a 10K (6.2 miles) in the Colfax Marathon Relay. This will be my first race that I run alone, without Travis. I’ve only done 2 races–a 10-miler and the half marathon I just ran 3 weeks ago. But they were both with Travis. We trained together and we ran the race together (at my pace of course).

But Stacey is the one who asked me just this past Thursday if I wanted to run in the relay and they only needed one more person. So Travis is just going to cheer me on from the sidelines. I’m not too worried–6.2 miles isn’t that far compared to a half marathon. On Friday morning, I ran 3.7 miles no problem and I ran it in 37:08! I really want to try to push myself tomorrow to run at least sub-11s–none of this 11:30 crap. 🙂

As I was looking at the marathon website tonight though, trying to figure out parking and where the start line was (I’m running the first leg of the relay), I found out that each separate leg of the relay (there are 5 total) has a different color bib. The first leg’s bib is yellow. I was given a green bib. The green bib is for the last leg–the 12K. Oops. The woman coordinating our team picked up everyone’s packet for them so someone else on our team must have my bib. I’ve tried calling Stacey’s cell and home phone because it sounds like this is a non-negotiable thing from the website. I’m praying that the Lord will work everything out…

Or else we’re not running!!

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This may not be normal…

16 May

But I love exercise.

As I was reading the book my mom gave me called “Comfortable in Your Own Skin,” the author was suggesting ways to live healthily. She said “You should exercise at least 30 minutes 3 times a week. I know, I hate exercise too but for the past 5 years, I have been diligent in exercising 3 times a week.”

First of all, three times a week isn’t really that much. I probably exercise 6 days a week, if not 7. But I’m not in a gym all 7 days–probably not even 2.

Second of all, how do you hate exercise? This is mind-boggling to me. Humans weren’t meant to sit around on their butts, doing nothing all day long. We were meant to DO things and be active! I can’t stand how I feel after sitting down all day.

But here’s the thing. I think most people think exercise = gym = bored out of my mind. Well, good news for them! There are many forms of exercise that don’t require a gym AT ALL! You can rollerblade, bike, run, hike, walk, play tennis, basketball, soccer, ice hockey, go canoeing, kayaking, swimming, dancing…really, the possibilities are endless. And I bet that if you asked the author of that book or anyone else who says that they “hate exercise,” they could probably name at least one (if not two or more) things on that list that they would enjoy.

Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox now. The reason why I say all this is because I’ve been thinking about it ever since I read what that author wrote and also because last night and this morning I’ve had 2 great “workouts” that were extremely pleasant. Last night, Travis and I biked to McDonald’s and got their free Southern-style Chicken Sandwich (with the purchase of a medium drink). We also split a hot fudge sundae (yum…) Then we went on a 10-mile bike ride around Boulder. It was so peaceful and relaxing and a lot of Boulder’s Greenways go through undeveloped parts of the cities. So the ride was very scenic, spring-like, and wonderful.

Then this morning, I went on a 3.7 mile run. I normally don’t run in the morning (because the sun doesn’t come up until 5:45) but Stacey from work asked me to run a leg of the Colfax Marathon this Sunday. I’ll probably be running a 10K (6.2 miles) so I wanted to get out and run a little before Sunday, just to reassure myself that I can still do it. And I found out this morning that not only can I still do it, I can do it faster than ever! I ran 10 minute miles–I had been consistently running 11 or 11:30 minute miles before! Granted, I was beat by the end of my run but I did it!! YAY!

As I was praying on the way to work, I was thanking the Lord for my body. It’s a lot of hard work to get in shape but once you do, it is one of the best feelings in the world. I wish more people could experience it. It’s worth it. (Plus, all that hard work builds character.) 🙂

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Dethroning my idol of thinness

13 May

My mom mailed me a couple new books this past weekend. I’ve already almost finished one. It was about making peace with your body image from a Christian perspective. It was good. It’s main premise is that once you understand who you are–God’s beloved child, chosen before the foundation of the world and redeemed by Christ on the cross–you will be able to embrace and respect your body as a gift from God. That respect will in turn enable you to care for your body through eating right and exercising instead of punishing and starving it.

It made me realize that Christ died to free me from the world and its unrealistic expectations. Romans 12:2 says “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Only by the transformation of my mind through the power of the Gospel will I be able to discover what is good, acceptable, and perfect. It’s not chiseled abs, a small waist, the latest fashions. For a godly woman, it is “the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4). The key to accepting my body and respecting it is seeing myself the way God sees me and letting His opinion be the only one that matters.

I am also reading another book that isn’t Christian but I think it will also help me stop obsessing about food, weight, and body image. It’s called Intuitive Eating. The authors pretty much say that by listening to your body’s hunger cues (not bingeing or starving but feeding it when it’s hungry and stopping when it’s full) your body will reach its natural equilibrium. And the best part–you can still eat all your favorite foods!

I have been “practicing” intuitive eating since last fall–except for my month-long detour into calorie counting. It is an amazing feeling to eat dinner, enjoy it, and yet not eat so much that you feel like all you can do afterwards is go lie down. Like last night, after dinner (tacos), I cleaned our apartment. I literally put my dishes in the sink and grabbed the vaccuum. After being a frequent overeater for many years, being able to do this feels great.

I still have a ways to go. I still sometimes tally calories in my head, steer clear of certain “bad” foods, or feel guilty if I eat a decadent dessert. I want to get to a place where eating what my body needs and stopping when I’m full is second-nature and I don’t even have to think about it. I don’t want to obsess about my weight and food for the rest of my life. So much wasted energy!! 

Last night, as I was praying, I asked God to help change my mentality regarding weight and food. I asked Him to make me thankful for all the things that my body can do (like run a half marathon!) and to believe that I am perfect in His eyes–He personally sewed me together in my mother’s womb and hand-chose everything about me. I know that I need His help to change and to stop worshipping the idol of thinness. I’m excited to see His faithfulness at work!

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Ready to run

11 May

I got new running shoes yesterday from the Boulder Running Company. I am so excited!!

The guy helping me had me try on about 6 different pairs, go run on the treadmill while they tape my feet, and then analyze how each shoe aids my foot strike, pronation, and lift off. I went with the Nike Air Zoom Structure Triax +11. That’s a mouthful.

I took them for a test run–literally–this morning. 4.35 miles and they feel great!!

Here’s what they look like:

nike shoe

I really love running in the mornings. If I didn’t have to leave for work by 7:30, I would run in the morning all the time (running at 5:00 is a little too early!) I went this morning before church though and just enjoyed being outside, getting some exercise. I also enjoyed being able to run without worrying about distance and pace. I timed myself just for the heck of it and found that I was actually running under 11 minute miles too! Comfortably! It was just one of those mornings that make me think “Man, I love running!!”

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Clean eating

6 May

Since the half marathon is over, I don’t really have an excuse to eat bigger portions and more food like I did when I was training. (I did though have my celebratory high-cal high-fat meal at BWW–boneless wings with french fries–DELISH!) So it’s time to tighten up my eating habits.

I already eat pretty healthy. I research nutrition content before going out to eat at restaurants. I stay away from fried foods almost completely and I have a general knowledge of calories for most foods. I have though almost completely stopped counting calories and focused on intuitive eating.

But there are a few things in my diet that should be limited–like all the chocolate, candy, and ice cream I eat. I’m going to back to the strategy I used this past fall to lose 10 lbs–no sugar for 6 days out of the week. One cheat day when I can eat ice cream and chocolate. Because I could never give those up!!

I am also going to cut out all the unhealthy processed foods I eat (except for on that one cheat day)–things like chips, soda, sugary cereals, white pasta, white rice, salad dressings, etc. The Eat Clean Diet has you eat a lot of veggies, fruit, lean meat, whole grains, and lowfat dairy.

So this isn’t really a diet. It’s more like spring cleaning my eating habits. So we’ll see how it goes! I already had to say no to a peanut butter cup from the Mountain Man. 😦

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Loneliness and Isolation

5 May

So Travis and I had a couple of long, good talks yesterday about how sad, lonely, and isolated we’re feeling out here in Colorado. We haven’t talked to our friends from back home since we saw them in MN at the beginning of March. No, we haven’t called them but phones work 2 ways–and they haven’t called us either. Add to that, the last couple of times we’ve talked to them, it has been us calling them. I can’t remember the last time they called me to talk.

We didn’t spend any time with people from church or work this weekend since we were up in Fort Collins for the race. Travis was feeling bummed because there are times when it feels like we don’t hang out with anyone outside of work. He’s discouraged with his mens’ group because he really wants to get to know them and share his life with them but he’s limited by where we live (20 miles away from all of them) and by how it seems that they all know each other already and Travis is an outsider.

I really enjoy my womens’ group and we have some good discussions and the vulnerability is growing. But outside of that group, I feel like those women don’t have a very big interest in hanging out with me. Some of them are 10-15 years older than I am so it’s hard to get together for coffee or even to relate to each other.

But alas, all these are excuses and rationalizations for the hard, cold truth: it’s hard being out here. It’s hard to be in between friend circles–we don’t feel like we have close friends back home anymore (hard to be close when you no longer share anything in common) and we don’t feel like we have close friends out here.

There are times when I get jealous of the married couples who I know are still living in Minneapolis around all their friends, who can go over to their houses and enjoy deep, meaningful friendship. Compared to our life out in Colorado, I can’t imagine that their lives are anything but easy (even though I know that’s not true). Friends do so much for your spirits and joy. And it seems like life would be so much easier with friends.

There are times when I think about moving back to Minnesota. But I believe that God has led us out here for a purpose and that my going back would be my fleshly response to this trial and not my following the Lord in faith.

I have been kind of half-hoping for a struggle like this that will push me to the Lord and cause me to need to seek Him and His comfort daily. So I am taking this struggle and running to the Lord with it. Praying for deep friendships out here in Colorado. Praying that God would reveal how He is my ultimate friend and fulfills every longing I have–even this desire to be known and cared for. God knows me and cares for me. Travis and I must cling to that hope and reassurance in this time of loneliness.

But some good news: Travis and I have been so in love lately. The Lord has been so faithful and good to us in our marriage for the past 2-3 weeks. My enjoyment of Travis and desire to be close to him–both emotionally and physically–has skyrocketed. I love my husband. I love my Lord.

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