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Ode to Mint Mojito

9 Feb

Besides being endlessly fun to say, this flavor of Orbit gum is amazing. I was a longtime fan of Peppermint in the dark blue packaging. But came to find that the mintyness didn’t bode well for my acid reflux (weird!!). So I had to give it up. I tried all of the fruity kinds. They were good but eh. Nothing amazing.

Then Travis bought Mint Mojito.

I had seen it in stores but steered clear of it because of the “mint” in its name (why would mint mojito be any different than peppermint?) Plus, I had had Mint Mojito flavored Bacardi Silver and it was…just ok. But I tried a piece of the gum and was delightfully surprised that the gum is more sweet than minty.

And let’s just be honest, it’s also fantastic.

I braved the 30 to 52 mph winds today just to buy Mint Mojito across the street at the gas station. I’ve looked at the grocery stores, Target, other gas stations. No one carries it. This is one of the biggest mysteries of the universe. Why on God’s green goodness would they NOT sell the BEST gum EVER?

It’s simply mindboggling.

But lucky for me, our neighborhood gas station stocks it regularly.

I love you, Mint Mojito gum.

Clarity and Hope

17 Jan

I’ve been wanting to blog for the past couple of days but I’ve been [shocker] busy at work and [bigger shocker] busy outside of work this week. So here I am on a nice little Saturday, taking time to read the Bible, pray, and blog.

[Side note/Update: My resolutions for this year are going well. I did create a little reward system for meeting my goals each week and so far, I’ve been doing really well. The hardest thing has been to exercise 6 days a week (my body isn’t used to it) but other than that, I have been consistent in getting in the Word and praying daily as well as memorizing one verse a week. We won’t talk about eating… 🙂 I’m not expecting complete consistency there.]

Saturdays are my favorite day of the week. That’s why I would love to be a writer by vocation: every day could be a Saturday (except Sunday because I’d still have to go to church in the morning). But I love being able to get up early (today I got up at 7:30…I’ve been trying to get up relatively close to when I get up for work so that I don’t mess up my sleep cycle on the weekends) and eat breakfast, read the Bible, pray…just be very relaxed. It reminds me a lot of college. Every day was like this…I loved it back then too.

Anywho…can you tell I’m more upbeat today than I have been in some of my recent posts? (I was being a total Debbie Downer…but I was also being honest.) The reason for my mood/outlook change is that God has been faithful in giving me insight into the past few months.

I was living in my failures and sinfulness. Even though I “knew” I was forgiven, I was still carrying them around as my personal burden. Especially in my marriage. I saw my sin affecting Travis and I was terrified that I was going to ruin our marriage, drive him away–that’d we’d wake up one day in 15 years and realize we no longer knew each other at all…and that we’d be able to trace it back to something I did or said that set the ball in motion.

I was also hating myself. For sinning again and again. For (from my perspective) never learning or advancing. For being a coward and a hypocrite.

But this past week, I remembered that there are many stories in the Bible that depict God using sin or using people in spite of their sin to accomplish His purposes. That means I can’t thwart God’s will or purposes by my sin. That means He can make our marriage thrive even despite my constant threats to kill it. I was making my sin and failures all about me…when nothing is all about me. It’s all about Him. And HE is so much BIGGER than my sin. Who am I to think that my failures will deter Him from His will?

I also realized that I have been holding myself back from God. I felt like a failure and a pathetic sinner who would never learn. When reminded of God’s love,  a tiny voice inside me said, “Yeah but, I’m still doing X and struggling with Y. God’s love is great but first I want to stop doing all these things that I hate.” Silly girl, it’s God’s love that enables you stop doing all those things you hate.

BarlowGirl’s song “I Need You to Love Me” sums up my realizations well:

Why? Why are you still here with me?
Didn’t you see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run,
And hide myself.
Yeah, but it’s here I see the truth,
I don’t deserve you.

But I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing you away from me.
I just never saw how you
Could cherish me.
Cause you’re a God who has all things,
And still you want me.

Your love makes me forget what I have been.
Your love makes me see who I really am.
Your love makes me forget what I have been.

My favorite line of that song is “Cause you’re a God who has all things, and still you want me.” Me, a sinner. Me, a girl trapped in self-pity. Me, an unremarkable person. You want me. You want me. You want me. How powerful each of those 3 little words is.

I have also been reading “God Has a Dream for Your Life” by Sheila Walsh. It’s a good book. Very easy reading. There are 2 passages that stand out to me regarding the whole questioning-life-and-purpose thing I’ve been going through for the past 6 months or so.

On discovering who I am and what God’s will for me is:

“So what are we to make of this God-given promise that if we delight ourselves in him, he will give us the desires of our heart? I love what C.S. Lewis says in Mere Christianity: ‘Your real self will not come as long as we are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him.’

“My own journey has taken me away from trying so hard to find the will of God for my life. It has taken me to the place of brokenness and letting go of everything I thought I needed. I found peace and purpose as I lay exhausted at the feet of the Lion of Judah. It took me many years to understand that God wanted my heart, not my schedule.”

God wants my heart, not my fine-tuned plans for aiding His kingdom. He wants me to be who I really am in Christ, not try to be someone I’m not.

On my desire to write but feeling it’s prideful to want to do so:

“Don’t turn your light down just because it seems to burn brighter than the one who stands beside you. Let it shine and hold it high. The liberating truth is that none of this is about you anyway–it is all about God. If God has given you a voice to sing, then sing out for him. If God has given you the gift of mercy, then pour out that mercy in Jesus’ name whether anyone gets it or not. If God has given you a heart to serve, then serve with your whole heart even if no one stops to say thank you. If God has given you the ability to teach, then teach with vision and passion.

“Whatever God has placed in you, use it.”

I’m planning on starting my weekly writing retreats (to Panera, Starbuck’s, or a cute local coffee shop if I find one) this week on Tuesday. I have a lot of books on writing to read, old journals to review, and a long way to go. But it’s my dream and I’m going to pursue until God slams the door in my face. At least I’ll know that I have been faithful in using the gifts God has given me.

Let’s try this again…

3 Jan

Several months ago, I created a daily plan for the spiritual and physical disciplines. It was great for a little while but ultimately, it fizzled out.

This is one of my biggest personal tug-of-wars: I would love to be disciplined. I envy those who are. I try to be disciplined. I create schedules and plans and task lists. But my personality just isn’t disciplined. I don’t naturally lean toward rules, structure, plans. What usually ends up happening is that my spontaneity and “what I want to do” in that moment trumps whatever I had “planned on doing.”

But doggoneit, I’m going to try it again, as one of my New Year’s Goals is to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. This time around, I’m going to be more realistic than ambitious. I won’t bore you with the minute details but this is the summary of my spiritual plan:

  • Read the Bible and journal my thoughts/observations everyday (I am going to go through all of the epistles, starting with Romans).
  • Pray everyday.
  • Memorize one verse a week (and recite them on Sunday morning).
  • Listen to one sermon a week (not including church on Sunday).

I think that that plan is doable. And let’s be honest, I find plenty of time to watch TV and read magazines…so why can’t I find time to do these things? There is no reason why I can’t.

As for the physical discipline, I am more consistent but I still haven’t really followed a schedule. But here’s my new weekly rundown:

Sunday: REST

Monday: Pilates or Yoga

Tuesday: 30-45 min cardio

Wednesday: aerobics class (at 5:30 AM!)

Thursday: 30-45 min cardio or REST

Friday: aerobics class (at 5:30 AM)

Saturday: Pilates or Yoga

This schedule may change if/when I decide to start training for a race (once it starts getting nice again outside…which should be happening in about February 🙂 ).

Of course, this exercise schedule is a complement to eating healthy. I’m shooting for 50% carbs, 25% fat, 25% protein. I’ve been tracking my food for about a month and I’m surprisingly close to that everyday. I’m hoping that soon, I can stop tracking…it’s kind of a nuisance. I keep telling myself that it’s about being healthy and treating my body with respect because it is a temple of the Holy Spirit–that means not feeding it high-cal, high-fat foods or feeding it too much/too little food. If I fuel my body correctly, it will run correctly and I will live a long, happy life (God willing).

So this is my attempt at being disciplined. Maybe I should set up a reward system…like a bulletin board that I get to put stars on for every week that I achieve my goals 🙂

That was actually supposed to be a joke, but now I’m seriously thinking about it. That could be a good motivator… 

Just want to wish everyone good luck with any New Year’s Resolutions Goals that they’re making! I’ll continue to update with my victories and losses–let me know yours too!

Frigorific

2 Jan

So yeah, that’s an actual word. Don’t believe me? Check it out.

It was actually the word of the day today from Merriam-Webster. It means “causing cold; chilling.”

This may just be my new favorite word.

Speaking of cold, where did it go? It’s back up into the 60s here in Denver. Oh but don’t worry because this weekend “we will return to winter” according to the weatherman. Tomorrow will be in the 30s and Sunday will be in the 20s. After being in Minnesota for just a week and surviving major sub-zero temperatures, this seems like child’s play.

Happy New Year!

1 Jan

Since it is January 1st, I thought it would be fitting to write a post reflecting on 2008 and hoping for 2009. So here goes…

On 2008

What was the best thing that happened?

We bought our first house. I absolutely love having our own place.

What was the worst thing that happened?

Well, in comparision to other people, nothing majorly bad happened. I would say that the hardest part of the year, though, was when Travis and I were going through a rough time during the first few months of the year.

What is one thing you are happy to have done?

I’m glad that I ran a half marathon in May. I’m also glad to have taken 2 week-long vacations back to Minnesota to see friends and family. (Whoops, that’s 2 things…)

What is one thing that you regret doing?

Being mean and disrespectful to my husband (this is an ongoing battle).

What is one thing you wished you would have done but didn’t do?

Travel more, even if would just be in the state of Colorado.

Did you accomplish all of your goals for 2008?

I’m pretty sure I didn’t, even though I didn’t have any specific “New Year’s Resolutions” per se. But I know that I had wanted to be more intentional and thorough with my study of the Bible. Even though I read the whole Bible in a year, I didn’t really study it, if you know what I mean.

If you had to describe 2008 in one word, what would it be?

Bittersweet. Parts of the year were rough but other parts of the year were extremely blessed.

On 2009

What are you most looking forward to about 2009?

I have a lot of things I’m looking forward to: spending another year with my wonderful husband (and celebrating our 2-year anniversary in May), going to Mexico with my family in March, hiking and backpacking in the mountains, going skiing, reading good books, running some more races (a full marathon?), writing my memoir, and spending warm summer nights sitting in our new patio furniture, sipping some alcoholic beverages.

What are your goals for 2009?

In order of significance,

1. Grow my relationship with the Lord through daily Bible study and memorizing one verse a week.

2. Write my memoir and seek out publication avenues.

3. Be consistent in my healthy eating and exercising habits.

4. Become a more respectful wife by building Travis up through my words instead of calling him names and saying nasty things when I’m mad (things that I am not proud of doing!)

5. Learn contentment in my work, regardless of what I’m doing.

6. Go hiking, camping, and/or backpacking at least once a month (weather permitting!)

7. Travel more. Travis and I want to go see the Grand Canyon…possibly for our wedding anniversary.

8. Start and complete these house projects: landscaping in our backyard, installing new windows, and get new front door (one with windows).

This is the first time that I’ve actually ever made goals and written them down…we’ll see in 2010 how it goes I guess! Well, now I’m off to watch the Nebraska v. Clemson game at one of our friends’ house.

Happy New Year!

Feeling somewhat like The Grinch…

18 Dec

I am a member of The Nest and on days like today when there’s not much happening at work, I hang out on the boards when I am *ahem* on my 15 minute break. Today, I posted a poll about Christmas presents, asking the ladies on the board 4 questions:

1. Who do you buy presents for?

2. Who buys you presents?

3. Do you buy presents because you want to or because you feel it’s expected of you?

4. If you could only have one Christmas present, what would it be?

Most of the ladies who responded had long lists of people they buy presents for…but they said that they like buying all those presents and that they would buy more if they could.

Am I the only one who doesn’t like buying Christmas presents, who finds it more of a chore and annoyance than an actual joy? It’s not that I don’t like getting people presents. I just don’t like that presents at Christmas are expected. I don’t like getting lists from people of the things they want for Christmas. I don’t like wandering the mall for hours searching for something to get [insert name here] when nothing seems to fit their personality or needs.

I LOVE giving gifts when I am walking around and randomly see something that makes me think of that person, something I know they’ll love and use. I LOVE giving gifts when they aren’t expected, when they have more thought in them than just “I thought you might like this…(and it was the only thing I could think of to get you).”

Travis and I don’t even really buy Christmas presents for each other. Last year, we had planned on our “Christmas present to each other” being a romantic weekend at a B&B in the mountains. Due to financial constraint, it didn’t happen…and it was never rescheduled. This year, Travis wanted to buy new $180 hunting boots, but he didn’t want to spend all of his Blow (personal spending $) on them. So the deal was I got $180 to spend on myself. So we kind of did Christmas presents but not really, because we both picked out and bought what we wanted without the other person (although I was with Travis when he bought his boots).

I would rather donate all the money we would spend on Christmas presents for other people to a non-profit organization that could really use it–and use it for people who really NEED it. But I don’t want to disappoint anyone and I also stop myself because I wonder if my desire for doing so is more a selfish desire to not have to go shopping for Christmas presents, rather than a desire to be generous. I think about all the things I put on my (obligatory) Christmas list and would really be ok with not getting any presents if it meant I didn’t have to give any.

Look at me, being such a Scrooge. But I’m being honest! The best part about Christmas for me is being with family, eating great food, going to church, listening to Christmas songs, drinking hot chocolate and eating Christmas cookies. Presents are really the lowest thing on the list for me. I really don’t think I would miss them at all.

But maybe I’m just being selfish. Maybe I’m forgetting the joy of thinking for other people and supplying them with things they (I hope) enjoy and (I pray) they use.

Or maybe, buying presents for the affluent is like buying cookies for an obese man. He may eat them and he may enjoy them…but does he NEED them?

Next year, I’m going to make my Christmas presents. At least then they’ll have the thought and effort behind them…even if they don’t have beauty or practicality. 🙂

Dreaming

6 Dec

I got an email yesterday from one of my best friends in Minnesota. She wrote about how she was scared to date anyone because she had gotten her heart broken in the fall by a boy. She had spent a lot of time with him and thought he liked her but turned out, he didn’t. (When will boys understand that spending a lot of time with one girl who is “just a friend” is a no-no?!?!?)

Her email reminded me a lot of what I had to work through while dating Travis: learning to trust again.

After reading that email from my friend, I felt a renewed desire to write my memoir. I have suppressed this desire since I graduated from college. For my senior thesis, I wrote a prospectus, which is a fancy name for book proposal. I submitted it to about 5 specialized publishing houses. All came back saying “Sorry, no dice.” I put it on the back burner while I went to another Beach Project, got a real job, got engaged and then married, and then moved to Colorado.

But the dream has not disappeared. There is nothing I’d like to do more than be an author. To have books published. To tell other young women my story and share what God has taught me through the hardships I’ve gone through. They are not extraordinary hardships; they’re common ones. And that’s why I think my story would be so relevant and useful to other women.

I’ve hesitated to proactively go after this dream for a number of reasons. 

1. Every time I tell someone about wanting to write my memoir, I feel like so narcisstic. I ask myself, “Why is my story worth telling over someone else’s?” 

2. I’m scared that my dream won’t come true. I’ll put all this energy into writing and developing my manuscript, only to have it sit on a shelf somewhere, unread. I also wonder if this dream is just a selfish ambition or if it could really be in God’s will for me.

3. I’m working full-time and use that as an excuse to not devote time to writing. ‘I would have to quit work and only write for it to work,’ I think. But then what if #2 happens?

As I was doing my hair today, I was again wondering about what I should be doing with my life. Mentoring? Teaching? Volunteering? And I finally put 2 + 2 together: Writing is my passion. And writing is my gift. I should be using it.

1 Peter 4:11 says: “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace…in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.”

I should be using my gift of writing to serve the body of Christ and to glorify God. So I am daring to dream big and start writing, in faith that God will use it for His glory and purposes, whatever that looks like. Travis is starting grad school in January (God willing) so my plan is to write while he is going to class and doing homework. I will submit my manuscript and if no one agrees to publish it, I will look in to self-publishing. I am going to go for it…we’ll see what happens.

Missing Minne-SNOW-ta

20 Nov

Is it really winter? ‘Cause it’s still 70 degrees in Denver. Well, ok, it isn’t 70 today. But on Tuesday, it was 78 degrees here. That’s right–7-8. We actually broke the record by 3 degrees for the highest temperature that was set in 1995.

Until recently, it hasn’t seemed weird that it’s so warm. It’s like an endless August. But then I started thinking about how Christmas is only about a month away.

A month!?!?!?!

Ah, so it IS winter. Well, at least it is somewhere. Definitely not here.

Today it did cool down into the 30s–which, if you ask me, still isn’t winter. A little nippy? Yes. Winter? No.

Last Friday was a glorious day. It snowed. I got so excited that morning that I actually filmed the snow coming down. I wanted to run and play in the sloppy slush. I wanted the snow to coat everything in white until April, when it would make everything muddy and brown. I wanted to be able to wear a wool sweater and a winter coat and STILL be cold.

In short, I wanted Minnesota.

And I still do. Living in Minnesota, I didn’t think I liked it that much. Every Minnesotan likes to think they’re just a little crazy for braving the elements living in the state they do. 60 degrees below zero? You can’t be a pansy to live in a place like that.

It’s no wonder why people stay at home a lot during winter in Minnesota–it’s downright freezing outside most of the time. My hands got frozen so deeply a few years ago that I actually cried when they started to thaw out. (I may have muttered a few choice words as well…)

As a MN resident, I liked to entertain the idea that I really didn’t like the cold weather. Heads down. Scarves covering mouths. Hat covering ears. Mitten-clad hands stuffed into winter coat pockets. Jeans slicked on over long underwear. Boots and wool socks. Boots over nylons with heels to change in to. This is how you go outside in Minnesota. It’s kind of annoying, to be honest. Like when you go to a restaurant, you have to peel 8 layers off just to sit down.

You want to know what Colorado people wear during the winter? Pretty much that exact same thing as Minnesotans do. Only it’s about 40 degrees warmer. 

Most people in Denver only like the snow insomuchas they use it to ski and snowboard. To them, snow is a nuisance otherwise. I was talking to one of my co-workers last Friday when it had snowed and felt myself feeling defensive for snow.

“It’s really not that bad, you know! Once it snows and it’s cleared off the roads and cars, it’s actually quite nice. It makes everything white and pretty and quiet.” There’s a stillness to snow, even when it’s not falling. I loving standing outside in cold weather, listening to the silence…even with the “crunch, crunch” of boots and shoes over the snow, the silence is riveting.    

I thought of the song “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas” today on the way to work. It’s true for me this year. What I wouldn’t give for a great snowstorm. For a white landscape. For a brisk Minnesotan air.

We’re going back to Minnesota for Christmas. I can honestly say I’ve never been more excited for snow in my life.

Political Confession

5 Nov

I mentioned this in my post about voting for Obama but it has happened so often since then, I feel the need to blog about it again.

Conservative Republicans really get me fired up. I feel like I am viewed as “less of a Christian” because I have liberal ideals (just look at the comments from Russ on my post about Obama). Every time I hear a Christian voted Republican, regardless of why, I feel like screaming “You don’t need to vote Republican just because you’re a Christian!”

For the record: I don’t agree with abortion or same-sex marriage and I believe in the God of the Bible.

Maybe my problem is just that I don’t view abortion and marriage as big enough issues to sway me one way or the other and other people do. That would explain why I get angry when someone voted Republican for those 2 issues alone.

I mean, think about it. Individual states can make same-sex marriage and abortion illegal (look at Florida, California, and Arizona). And a very conservative President, who would have illegalized abortion and made a Constitutional Amendment about marriage if he could have–is just ending his term in office. You can’t get rid of all the Democrats by just having a Republican in office–so I don’t think Republicans would have any more success in banning those 2 things than they have had in the past 20 years.

I know plenty of Republicans and know that they’re not all self-righteous do-gooders. But some of them are. I read a blog post written by a female who is very staunchly Republican. In the same post, she declared her pride in being a Republican and bashed Democrats saying we would “cry and whine like little babies” if Obama didn’t get elected. 

Right…

Is that a very Christian attitude to have? Doesn’t sound very humble to me… I’m not saying that Democrats have everything figured out. I think they do take liberalism to an extreme on a few issues. But to say Republicans have it all figured out is JUST as proposterous, if not more. After all, aren’t they the ones “with Christian values”?

Well, it doesn’t matter anyway because OBAMA WON! Pfffffffttttt!!!

I voted!!

4 Nov

For Barack Obama!!

While some conservative Christians might scoff at my choice or wonder why I voted for a presidential candidate who is so openly pro-choice, I think Barack Obama, notwithstanding his short term as a Senator, would be a better president than McCain. And when you think about it, both candidates have the same amount of experience being President: none. McCain may have more political experience but that is not necessarily an indicator of his ability to be President.

The fact that Obama is pro-choice does bother me–but only in some ways. I don’t think abortion is right and would not elect to get an abortion (not even if my life was in danger–because I believe in the sovereignty of God). But having studied the underground abortionist movement in the 60s and 70s while I was in college, I know that making abortion illegal will not solve the problem. Obama seems to know that as well, so while he doesn’t advocate overturning Roe v. Wade, he DOES advocate other forms of education and awareness to prevent unwanted pregnancies. I feel like so many Republicans have their heads in the sand when they think that making abortion illegal would be the end of it.

I also agree with Obama on healthcare over McCain. McCain’s plan for health care is so confusing and roundabout that it doesn’t really make sense. It would be fine if you only had to pay for health care once a year, coinciding with the time that you would receive your $5K stipend from the government. But that’s not how health care works…Add to that, a good health insurance plan for a middle-aged person costs more than $5K (it’s more like $12K) so that “rebate” wouldn’t go very far in alleviating the expenses. 

Obama’s plan, on the other hand, is not without its problems. Mandating everyone to have health insurance, though necessary to lower the health care premiums enough for lower-income families to afford, can appear to infringe on Americans’ rights. It is more like socialism than capitalism. But my opinion is, if the market and capitalism are failing, the President should not keep trying to fix what has not been working. Rather, he should try something new. The government, IMO, is responsible for the wellbeing of Americans. That’s why I support education reform, investment in our country’s infrastructure (even if it means higher taxes), and fighting against injustice of all forms.

I also think Obama’s approach to foreign policy (being willing to talk and negotiate with other countries, regardless of how “horrible” they are) is a very mature, needed approach. There are plenty of countries who already hate the U.S. Let’s not make any more hate us! Turning our backs on countries and refusing to talk to them is not the way to global peace, just as giving the cold shoulder to someone arguing with you just makes them more angry.

Obama has lofty ideas, some of which, at first glance, seem extremely difficult to implement. But at least he has told Americans what he would do as President, instead of ONLY putting down his opponent (which is what McCain did in his debates).

Finally, Obama supports withdrawing our troops. There are times you have to admit failures and defeats. This is one of those times. It seems McCain won’t pull the troops out until we have a victory. Um…that could be never. Meanwhile, the Iraqis and Radical Islamists just hate us even more.

The reasons why I didn’t vote for McCain are:

1. He bears too much of a resemblance (in my mind) to George W. He rarely forms entire, coherent sentences. He seems more like a bumbling idiot than an educated, experienced President. (But that may just due to his lack of public speaking skill…)

2. Sarah Palin. She also appears to be a bumbling idiot and after watching the SNL spoofs of her, I don’t think that I could ever take her seriously. While I admire her bravado and maverick-ness :), I don’t think that she is ready to be VP…and definitely not President.

Finally, I just want to vent about a little pet peeve of mine: It irks me when Christians vote for a candidate simply because they say that they’re Christian and pro-life–and they don’t even look at any of the other specifics that the candidate stands for! Yes, I agree that (in an ideal world) we would have a President who is truly a Christian or at least has Christian values. But we don’t live in an ideal world. Take George W, a “Christian” who is pro-life. That’s great but look how he’s messed up our country. Democrats are not the devil!! We need a competent, wise, rational, humble leader–and I think that’s what Obama is.

So I will be sitting glued to the TV tonight, hoping Obama wins. But I know that God is sovereign and whoever wins the Presidential election (Obama, McCain, Ralph Nader) was chosen by God and I will accept it (at least better than I accepted Bush winning AGAIN in 2004).

Ok, I’m done with my political soapbox now.