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My judgment of movies = bad

26 Feb

I always get on Travis’ case about never letting me choose the girly movie that I want to see. He absolutely refuses to go near a movie that even remotely looks like a chick flick (although I am going to make him watch Pride and Prejudice with me once we get it from Netflix).

So I enjoy the freedom to watch whatever movie I want when Travis is gone. But I’ve noticed that my choice of movies isn’t so great. Maybe I’ve just had a run of bad luck (or most likely it is just that Netflix doesn’t have many good movies to watch instantly on the computer) but the past 2 movies I’ve seen have been horrible.

Granted, the first bad movie I watched was Perfect from the 80s starring none other than Jamie Lee Curtis and John Travolta. It’s about a Rolling Stones reporter (Travolta) who falls in love with an aerobics instructor (Curtis) while writing an expose on the health club industry–or shall I say “the singles bar of the 80s.” I just about threw up during the aerobics class scenes. There is more pelvic thrusting in that movie than I have seen in my entire life. Yuck.

I just finished the second bad movie–Suburban Girl with Alec Baldwin and Sarah Michelle Gellar. I thought it looked like a cute movie, other viewers rated it well. But the story has no real plot. The whole relationship between Baldwin and Gellar is immoral and juvenile. She’s a young associate editor for a publisher and he’s an editor-in-chief for a huge publishing house. She wants to learn about life; he wants to teach about life. He is a closet alcoholic who incidentally slept with her boss. She’s a weak little girl who wants nothing less than to prove to her dad and the world that she can take care of herself. Blah blah blah blah. The whole movie is boring. Like my Venezuelan profesor de cine used to say, “Fue un flop.”

So maybe Travis’ taste in movies–and the fact that I rarely get my way when it comes to the girly movies–is a good thing. I would be wasting a lot of time otherwise watching crap on the ‘puter. Time that I could be spending writing crap on the computer.

Speaking of writing, I can find no motivation to write more of my memoir. I worked on it this past Saturday but that time was spent retyping what I had already written (and lost, thanks to my hard drive crashing) and rereading what I had written in my journals back in 2004. I know that it’s probably just a case of writer’s block but when I only have a limited amount of time in the first place (because of that darn full-time job), sitting down to force myself to put words on a page (that I don’t intend to immediately post on the web for public viewing) just seems like too much to ask.

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Ten random observations of Colorado (by a Minnesotan)

21 Feb

1. The same street can have two completely different names. On one side of the intersection, it’s South Boulder Road and on the other side, it’s Table Mesa Drive. Makes it kind of hard to follow directions.

2. They never plow the roads when you need them to and they do plow them when the snow is gone.

3. They’re not very creative with street names. The same name, for example Arapahoe, is used in any combination they can think of: Arapahoe Street, Avenue, Road, Boulevard, Circle, Square, Lane, Pathway, Alley, Sidewalk, Gutter, etc.

4. They named the road in front of our apartment Table Mesa Drive. Mesa means table in Spanish. So technically they named the street Table Table Drive. ???

5. No matter what the temperature, Coloradoans always complain about it being cold outside. It can be 65 and sunny and they’re still complaining. Try living in Minnesota for a week. That’ll shut you up.

6. There are organic, overpriced grocery stores everywhere and they’re just as big as the regular grocery stores. There are literally four in Boulder alone. I personally have not yet stepped foot in one, anywhere.

7. It must be a hoppin’ auto market out here because I see more people driving around with the registration paper taped to their back window than I do people with actual license plates. (When you buy a car and are waiting for the registration to be processed by the DMV, you put the paper in your back window…we are one of those people.)

8. People regularly drive under the speed limit. This is unheard of in Minnesota. Absolutely unheard of. Are people just happier out here? More laidback? Or maybe their feet are lighter on the gas pedal because of the higher altitude?

9. Everybody loves to talk about how the weather is so great in Colorado. Except for this winter. And last winter. And the winter before that. Well, the weather is great in theory at least.

10. I love Colorado: 300 days of sunshine…………….5 days of winter.

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A heavenly country

20 Feb

Everyone has their own interpretation of heaven. Some people think that it’s an endless expanse of sky with white puffy clouds and nothing to do but play harps and eat Philadelphia cream cheese. Others think that heaven doesn’t exist at all. Once you leave earth, there’s nothing. Or maybe they think that heaven is part of earth, like the white sandy beaches of the Cayman Islands. Some people might think heaven is whatever you loved on earth all together in one place, like in the movie What Dreams May Come.

But for Christians, it’s none of those things. Instead, it’s a city where the streets are gold and there are no lamps and no sun; nevertheless, it is always day because the light of the Lamb reaches to all places. It’s the presence of God, intimate and forever. It’s no longer having sinful flesh but rather, gloriously resurrected bodies. It is perfection beyond any human expectation or imagination.

That’s what I have to look forward to. That’s what makes my life here on earth worth living and indeed, worth enduring. Even though my daily troubles seem puny compared to the human suffering I hear and read about–like just tonight, I read about female genital mutilation in countless third world countries–my life wouldn’t be worth living if I didn’t have such an end. I am always confounded by those who don’t believe that anything happens when we die. My roommate in college believed that. What do we have to live for if there is nothing after this life?

Moreover, if the glorious new earth described in the book of Revelations is not true, and if Jesus Christ did not die and rise again for the forgiveness of sins, we who are Christians have nothing to live for either. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15: “…if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins.” Christians–and I believe all people–need something to live for beyond this life. For “…If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people to be pitied,” because this life is hard and messy.

I have felt that truth about life living out in Colorado. I love my job and the people we’ve met and I’m with my wonderful husband. So I have a lot to be thankful for. But I miss my friends more than anything. Humans were made for community. Not just Christians but humans in general. I believe that God designed us to need each other. So leaving behind my very best friends has been very hard.

I feel at times like Travis and I are going through life alone, just the two of us vs. the Great Big World. It may be because when we became Christians 4 years ago, the first Body of believers we plugged into was a group fully bought into the value of discipleship. We had the importance of one-on-ones and intentional relationships drummed into our heads day after day. And I loved it. I loved being in a discipleship group and meeting once a week with a group of my girlfriends. We talked about boys, bodily functions, random things, and the Bible. We related our insecurities, our longings, our struggles, our joys and successes. I felt so close to those girls, not only because we shared the bond of the Spirit but because they bared their hearts to me and I to them.

But out here, I have not found this. I have met some great women through our church that I am excited to get to know. But it seems that the potential of that deep relationship forming is small when we only get together once every other week and everyone has husbands, kids, and full-time jobs. It looked different as a college student in a campus ministry.

So I have been delighted by the reminder of my real home: heaven. C. S. Lewis writes in his book The Great Divorce, “I believe, to be sure, that any man who reaches Heaven will find that what he abandoned (even in plucking out his right eye) has not been lost: that the kernel of what he was really seeking even in his most depraved wishes will be there, beyond expectation, waiting for him in the ‘High Countries.'” The fellowship I so desire, the bridge over the gap in human intimacy and vulnerability, will be waiting for me in heaven. And more than that, it will be beyond expectation: all believers will be together in perfect union as we worship and adore the Lamb of God forever.

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Humility and prayer

16 Feb

Yesterday I had a meeting with the “big wigs” (so to speak) at my company and a marketing consultant. We were discussing our branding/marketing strategy. My boss seemed a little anxious about the meeting–she just really wanted it to go well.

So I was a little anxious too. I read branding terminology as I ran on the treadmill. We went to the meeting a little early to discuss branding and marketing before the consultant showed up. And the meeting went really well. The consultant was very easygoing and since there were 6 of us there, there wasn’t really a spotlight at all. It was the longest meeting I’ve ever been in–it went from 9:30 am to 2:30 pm. I liked it because it made the day go by really fast.

But the thing that quieted my heart the most was knowing that it wasn’t my preparation or knowledge–or my boss’–that would make the meeting go well. It was God’s sovereignty. I knew I could trust Him with it all. When I was tempted to continue reading my branding glossary at breakfast instead of the Bible, I reminded myself of that truth and got in the Word instead of relying on myself and my own efforts.

As I sat there not knowing what to read and feeling anxious against my will about the meeting ahead of me (as well as the other work I had on my plate), a verse popped into my head about anxiety. 1 Peter 5:6-7– “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.”

As I read that, I realized that my anxiety over the coming day was a form of pride. I was assuming that I knew how the day should go and that my worrying and thinking about it would aid in it going that way. This verse shows the correlation between humility and prayer. So often, I don’t bring my anxieties before the Lord. I do remind myself of truth but because I don’t cast my anxieties on the Lord, I still retain control over the situation. I don’t have to acknowledge my dependence on Him. I don’t have to humble myself before the Lord.

But I see in 1 Peter 5 that one of the ways I humble myself before God is bringing my cares and anxieties before Him, committing them into His hand, entrusting the outcomes to His gracious and sovereign will. And not just in theory or in thought but in action and in words. Prayer comes out of a humble heart. And a humble heart naturally moves to prayer. Because when we are willing to recognize and acknowledge our own insufficiencies and weaknesses next to God’s sufficiencies and strengths, we are not only humbled, we are also moved to prayer.

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Grammatical Twilight Zone

14 Feb

This past Sunday, the pastor at my church gave his message about the need for giving and receiving loving correction in the believer’s life. Over and over again, he emphasized how much people “need rescued.” When he first said that, I was like “Did he really just say that? He must’ve made a mistake…” Then he said it again. I wrote it in the margin of my notebook and showed it to Travis. Then he said it AGAIN. I glanced at Travis and laughed a little. What was this guy saying? I had never heard anyone say that before. I wanted to say, “Uh, I believe it should be “People need rescue…?”

As much as I love our new church out here, Travis and I have some issues with the pastor. His teaching is doctrinally sound and theologically correct for the most part. He just doesn’t have the greatest delivery, so to speak. Maybe it just clashes with my personality. And Travis’. It probably doesn’t help that we came from John Piper’s church in Minneapolis, who is probably one of the best preachers alive right now. I miss going to that church…

Anyway, so imagine my surprise yesterday when I was in a meeting with my boss and the same stupid phrase came up. We were looking over the handouts I had created for a speaker’s presentation at an upcoming convention. One of the points in his notes said, “People need rescue.” So far, so good. Then my boss said, “Isn’t this supposed to be ‘people need rescued?'” I told her I didn’t know–up to that point, I had only heard the phrase once and I had assumed it was because my pastor was a little “off.” But the fact that my boss had brought it up as well…that really rocked my world.

So this morning I was working on the handouts again, tweaking them a little before converting them to PDFs. I googled the phrase “need rescued” and found a lot of different sites–granted they’re on the internet where any moron can publish anything (like this blog!)–that use this phrase. I feel like I’m walking around in a daze now. This beats the time that my younger brother proved to me that “negate” was a word when I swore it wasn’t (that happened a lot unfortunately).

Since when did this universe start saying “People need rescued!?!?!!” Can’t we just say “People need to be rescued.” or “People need rescuing.” Anything but “need rescued.” I can’t take it.

This experience reminds me of the scene in Never Been Kissed when Drew Barrymore’s younger character gets invited to the prom by Billy. She says, “I don’t know what to say. I’m actually speechless. That never happens to me because words are my life!!” I am speechless as well, but more out of horror and shock, rather than excitement and anticipation.

What is this world coming to?

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Pictures that I like

23 Jan

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Monkey!!

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Trav and me on our way up to Black Lake in Rocky Mountain National Park

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A funny ad from once upon a time

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The picture in my siggy on The Nest–I think it’s funny and I love the 50s era.

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Baby fever

23 Jan

So yesterday, I was almost convinced that I was pregnant. I have been having major mood swings, craving comfort food, my period hadn’t come when it was supposed to, and I got a major cold sore on my lip. But then I did get Aunt Flo so it turns out that I’m just an emotional and hormonal wreck who loves to eat! How ’bout that?

The thought of me being pregnant was really exciting though and I’m kind of sad that it’s not real. It’s so weird that I am so anxious to have a baby. Before I became a Christian in college, I wasn’t sure I even wanted kids at all. After I became a Christian, I knew that I definitely wanted kids but not until I was in my late 20s. Then I got married and thought maybe after 5 years or so, kids would be a possibility. Now here I am, married for 8 months, and I want a baby NOW!

But the thing keeping me from talking to Travis about the real possibility of having kids right now is that it just isn’t practical at this point. We are hopefully buying a second car this week and then a house this summer. Travis is still planning on going back to grad school in the fall and I just found out yesterday that I owe my parents $8,000 that I borrowed from them while I was in college. Add to that, I want to be a stay-at-home mom after having kids. So financially, a baby right now would really throw us for a loop.

That’s not to say, though, that if God were to make me pregnant by His sovereign will, I wouldn’t be completely estatic…

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A car, a house, and a marriage

22 Jan

Lots of stuff in the works in the Kluthe household–buying a second car and buying a house. We spent almost all day last Saturday looking at cars. It was fun and exciting for a few hours but then around 5:00, I hit a wall and just wanted to go home. I am the kind of person who looks until I find something I like that I think is a good deal. Then I just go for it. Travis, on the other hand, is the kind of person who wants to research and inspect every little detail. I was in a bratty mood for a while when we were car shopping but finally, it was over! We’ve narrowed it down to about 2 cars but Travis is making the call. I’m pretty indifferent to which one we get–he can decide as long as I don’t have to go shopping for them again!

We’re also wanting to buy a house. For it to work, we have to have one lined up by the beginning of June because our apartment lease ends August 6 and we have to give 60 days notice about what we plan on doing. I’ve found some cute houses online but you can only tell so much from 2-D pictures! I’m anxious to contact a realtor and get out there and see some properties! But that is another thing Travis and I differ on–he’s not sure about getting a realtor. I am reminding myself daily that God is in charge and He has the perfect house and timing already chosen. I am called to lift my requests up to Him and trust Him and the peace of Christ will guard my heart from having an emotional meltdown. I really like our apartment in Boulder. But it’s small and so far away from work and everyone we know! AND I am very excited to decorate our first house (and be able to enjoy it for more than a year at a time!)

Marriage is hard lately. I’ve been in a weird, cold, heartless funk. A lot of times I feel so indifferent toward Travis. I condemn myself for not feeling the way a newlywed is “supposed” to feel: giddy and in love. All I feel is reality–my life. It’s not floating in the clouds, everything’s coming up roses. It’s messy, chaotic, and busy. I started teaching English to a woman named Alma and we meet twice a week at her house in Erie. That has stretched the whole one-car thing to a new limit. We are more anxious than ever to get another car. I’m a little sad to get another car because it means less time that Travis and I will get to spend together. But it also means that we get some time apart, which I think will strengthen our marriage. You know the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I take Travis for granted a lot because I hardly ever experience his not being right next to me. It will be good to have some space so that we can appreciate our togetherness more.

Another weird thing: I woke up this morning with a huge cold blister thingy on my lip. It completely developed overnight–what the heck? It’s more annoying than anything… 

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By Grace Alone

17 Jan

I was talking to one my co-workers the other day about her two-year relationship with her ex-boyfriend of a year and a half. She talked about the heartache of thinking he had been “the one” and then going through their breakup. My heart went out to her.  I, too, have known what it feels like to be heartbroken over the man you love.

And I am so glad that I never have to experience that again. I just re-started writing my memoir of redemption, after a one and 1/2 year hiatus (read my story). Walking down memory lane this morning, I have been reminded of the struggles I went through and all the time I spent on my knees in tears before the Lord. Sometimes I look back on those times and wish I had something in my life right now to drive me to my knees like that. Most of the time, though, I praise the Lord for His faithfulness during drought and during plenty. I know that I don’t have to wish for hard circumstances in my life. They will happen, of this I can be sure. I also don’t have to wish for God to support and sustain me during those times. He will be there, of this I can also be sure.

It is during the times of plenty that we have to build our strength for the times of drought. We have to learn daily what it means to move through life in dependence upon God. I love what Oswald Chambers says in My Utmost for His Highest: “If you are not doing the task that is closest to you now, which God has engineered into your life, when the crisis comes, instead of being fit for battle, you will be revealed as being unfit. Crises always reveal a person’s true character. A private relationship of worshiping God is the greatest essential element of spiritual fitness.” I am still learning (and often failing) to live in moment-by-moment dependence on God. Are you?

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The joys and trials of marriage

16 Jan

Last night, Travis and I were talking about the mystery of two becoming one in marriage. He remarked that, when we got married, we inherited each other’s lives. He inherited my family, hobbies, and credit history and I inherited his. While it is easy to see how our families and hobbies have changed us (I would never go hunting or fishing if I hadn’t fallen in love with a man who does!), the other things are less obvious.

When I was single, I could do anything I wanted because I didn’t really have anyone to answer to. My roommates would never comment on my eating 2 or 3 bowls of cereal in a row. No one cared if I didn’t do laundry for a month at a time or spent hours pampering myself with pedicures and face masks. I could read in bed all day or watch movies all night.

With marriage, that all changed. I see my husband every day: I wake up with him, go to work with him, eat almost every meal with him, hang out with him, and go to bed with him. Granted, our situation may be a little different than some (we just moved to a new state in Sept. ’07 where we knew no one). But marriage, by and large, involves spending quite a bit of time with that one other person. 

But then, isn’t that the point of marriage? It’s also the most wonderful part about marriage. You marry the person you’re absolutely head-over-heels for because you’ll see them almost every day for the next (God willing) 50 years of your life.  More than feeling completely consumed with love for your spouse (because as any married person knows, that feeling isn’t there 24/7), marriage is about friendship. It’s about two people sharing their lives so intimately and completely that they forget what life was like without the other person. They start knowing what the other person is feeling just by looking at their face. They know instinctively what their spouse’s reaction would be in a certain situation. When I can sense that Travis is joking, despite his best efforts to put on a serious face, I realize that, little by little, we are growing in oneness.

But there are those situations that serve as a jarring reminder that, no matter how one you can become with one another, you are still two very different people. Over time, the differences seem to multiply: differences in opinions, personalities, hobbies, priorities… You can know your spouse’s opinion without even asking and you can still not agree with it. That is where the phrase “Agree to disagree” becomes useful.

At the end of the day, though, I view all the components marriage as purely rewards. There is nothing I would change about my marriage or my husband. Nothing can beat walking through life with your best friend, who is there to listen, understand and support you. The good times show me how I have been blessed by the Lord’s grace. The hard times show me how I have been blessed by the Lord’s mercy (through Jesus Christ).

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