Only Jesus is Pinterest-Worthy

5 Jun

cross pinterestUnless you live under a rock, I’m sure you’ve heard more than one person bemoan Pinterest as a guilt-producing, confidence-shattering machine of impossible expectations. Perhaps that person has even been you.

For myself personally, I have to be very intentional about how much I use Pinterest. Or Facebook, or blogs, or TV, or magazines. It’s just so. easy. to fall into the trap of thinking that everyone else has it more together than I do. Their houses are decorated better and don’t look like a tornado touched down by 10 am. Their kids are doing crafts everyday that are both fun and educational. They not only get dressed every morning, they put on a cute outfit and do BOTH their hair and makeup. Then they enjoy a hot cup of coffee in silence while taking in a beautiful view.

Pinterest produces guilt and feelings of inferiority in us because it embodies perfection. Anyone who has ever taken family pictures, especially those involving young children, know that the picture-perfect moment only needs to last a split second to be caught on film. You just need one nano-second where everyone is looking at the camera with a smile for a good picture. Who cares that before that briefest of moments one kid was crying, another was trying to pull her hair out and the parents were clenching their teeth in frustration? The winning picture belies all of that, and thus dupes the onlooker into thinking that that family’s life is all roses and rainbows. That’s what Pinterest is. It’s the nano-second snapshot of unrealistic perfection.

Ok, so what? If we know that, why does it still bother us so much? Because every picture of perfection reminds us of the thing that so many people spend their lives trying to ignore — we know that deep down inside, there’s something wrong with us. Tim Keller says it much more eloquently in his sermon “Splitness” (an amazing sermon that I highly recommend), but we all recognize, in some form or another, that we aren’t all we were meant to be. If you’re tempted to disagree with me, I say look around at the self-help industry, blogs, magazines, TV shows, commercials. They are all selling improvements — ways to better yourself, your life, your relationships. Deep down, we know that we’re all missing the mark somewhere.

So are the people posting those snapshots of perfection on Pinterest. Sure, their 2-year-old’s birthday party had a cake that looked like an actual pirate ship, they all dressed in costume (no toddlers threw tantrums about wearing the eye patch?), and they even found pirate-themed wrapping paper for the 15 different presents they bought. But how many hours of sleep did they sacrifice with those efforts? How many hours of TV did their child watch while they prepared all of the necessary party decorations? We’ll never know, because the party pictures don’t tell us that.

That’s one reason why I’m committed to being an authentic blogger. When people portray their lives as perfect, we aren’t encouraged. We feel inferior, condemned, pathetic. But when we see someone who does some things well and other things… not so well, we see a real human being. And a real human being is someone who we can learn a thing or two from, who recognizes that life is both ups and downs, who understands what it’s like to have a cup of coffee get cold before you even take a sip, or have a toddler running around with a dirty diaper while you’re confined to a nursing chair, or losing your cool for the 100th time that day over something little because you’re operating *just that close* to your breaking point. We encourage authentic living by being authentic ourselves — and that means we share the ugly realities of life in addition to the Pinterest-worthy moments.

Jesus is the one exception. His whole life — every action, reaction, word, emotion — was Pinterest-worthy. But the amazing thing is, His model of perfection doesn’t overwhelm us with the guilt and shame of our shoddy attempts. That’s because His model of perfection was crowned with the ultimate sacrifice: His death on the cross. Jesus was perfect for us, on our behalf so that we don’t have to be perfect. The only way perfection can be an inspiration and not a downer is to find our example of perfection in Jesus Christ Himself, and to find our value and worth in being His. When we trust Christ for salvation, not only are we declared righteous (perfect!) in Him, God also gives us His Spirit to transform us into the people we were meant to be. And that’s way better than a how-to tutorial.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

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Northwoods Triathlon Training Plan

3 Jun

northwoods tri training plan

{click the image to enlarge}

We’re really doing it Harry!

Signing up for a sprint triathlon happening only 4 months after giving birth seemed a little ludicrous back in January but now that I’m 2 months postpartum and have several runs, bikes and swims each under my belt, I’m feeling more and more confident that I can do this. It may not be fast or pretty, but I can do this.

I haven’t done a triathlon since 2011. Until 4 weeks postpartum, I hadn’t run since November of last year. I hadn’t really even exercised much in the last 2-3 months of being pregnant. So I’m taking this very slowly. I’m also being realistic about how much time I can commit to training, and keeping my workouts to 4/week. Here’s my plan:

Swimming

When I donned my maternity suit and swam laps at the Y in February, that was the first time I had gone swimming since 2011. Surprisingly, it all came back to me pretty quickly. I did realize how out of swimming shape my arms were when doing the front crawl, and I’m definitely slower than I was back then, but by my third swim a few weeks ago, I could swim 400 yards without stopping (doing the breaststroke, which is what I plan on doing for the triathlon).

To train for the 400 meter swim, I plan to swim once a week at the Y. I will keep things pretty lowkey but do a mixture of long, slower swimming with some sprints for building speed. I’ll probably work up to swimming 800 yards without stopping, doing 1,000 – 1,500 yards total per workout.

Biking

Similar to swimming, I hadn’t biked since 2011 until a few weeks ago. (I got on the bike trainer a few times while pregnant but only last about 5 minutes each time.) I was worried that it would be horribly uncomfortable but it has actually been way more bearable than I thought it would be. My first ride wasn’t even 5 miles long but again, the idea is to take things slow and be realistic. I’ve gone on 4 bike rides so far and I’m up to 8 miles now.

The bike course in the triathlon is 14 miles long so I plan to build up to that and ride that distance a few times before race day. Every other week after my bike ride, I’m going to add a short run (.5 – 1 mile) for a brick workout. I’d go longer if it weren’t for the time commitment. I am still nursing after all!

Running 

My first run postpartum, I ran about 12:30 minute miles, walked a bunch and covered a little over a mile. Five weeks and about ten runs later, I’m up to 2.5 miles and 11 minute miles.

My training plan for the 5K run is to slowly increase mileage (by .5 mile about every other time or so), work up to 3.5 or 4 miles, and alternate weeks between focusing on speed and distance. If I start feeling good about running and have the time, I might increase the distance a little more so that I’d have the option of running a 10K this summer. But we’ll see.

Yoga / Weights

When I trained for the Hot Chocolate 15K last spring, I dealt with a lot of joint pain, which I attributed to losing muscle during pregnancy and never regaining it. So I want to be intentional this time around about doing some strength training, specifically in my legs. I think that swimming and biking will also help alleviate the joint pain from running, but I also enjoy yoga and weights. It’s a good way to mix things up — and it’s easy to do during nap time!

Timing

As you can see from my training plan above, I plan to do my most time-consuming workouts on the weekends when Travis can easily watch the girls. Though I am discovering quickly that my workouts often get bumped when we go out of town or do something else during nap time, like landscaping, so I might have to squeeze some of those in on weekday evenings. Emma goes to daycare on Tuesdays, so I plan to run those days (unless I run on the weekend with a friend). And the yoga or weights I can squeeze in during nap time on Thursdays. Mornings are normally my preferred time to work out, but with a newborn, that just isn’t happening. I can barely open my eyes most mornings, let alone work out!

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I have absolutely LOVED working out again. It helps me feel like my old self, not only physically (I can fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes again!) but mentally (because it gives me a personal goal to work toward and doesn’t involve parenting). Plus, it’s just nice to get outside and have some “me” time where I can think and decompress. Perhaps my favorite thing though is just feeling active again. My workouts are only 30-45 minutes long, but the feeling of being active lasts all day.

IT’S GO TIME!

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Worth Repeating {6/2/15}

2 Jun

Often when I find that I’m learning the same old thing yet again, I pull up old blog posts that I’ve written. I’ve been thinking lately about my propensity to prioritize “getting things done” over serving people. What I realized is that the whole point of getting things done (in my case, laundry, dishes, house cleaning, dinner, etc) is serving my family! How often I lose sight of the purpose of those tasks, and just focus on checking them off my to-do list. I pulled up the following blog post and it was so exactly what I needed to remember that I thought I’d share it today. Enjoy!worth_repeating

{First posted on 12/13/11 as “Life is a Glorious Mess”} 

I woke up yesterday morning wanting at least 4 more hours in bed. Instead, I got up to make coffee – an hour after my alarm went off the first time. The kitchen counters overflowed with dirty dishes; the table drowned in Christmas presents, mail, and other things used over the weekend but not put away. The cupboards were conspicuously bare from my lack of grocery shopping. The fridge held potatoes from our garden and spinach from the store, wilting and rotting before I could use them. The dogs wagged their tails in hope of a walk. A temperature of 63 degrees revealed that the furnace wasn’t working again.

I was frustrated. Mad. Why is life so hard?

I do better when life is organized. When things are in their place. When I’m on top of what I need to be on top of.

I could have been there this morning – except I chose to relax and watch Christmas movies last night instead of doing chores.

And I’ve realized that my affinity for order and perfection has a price tag – it costs me Life. Joy. Peace. Patience.

When I admire people in movies (like J. Lo in The Wedding Planner) who have every piece of their life in place with predictable schedules and unvaried routines, I fail to realize that they’re paying for that perfection – with human relationships. I mean, how often do those same perfect people have an intimate marriage, loving kids, and open their homes to others?

To truly embrace the presence of others in my life, I have to let go of perfection. Because a life filled with relationships is messy. As Emily Walker wrote in her post The Messy Table:

My table is not perfect, but it has done the job it was meant to do very well. Life has been lived at it. Lessons have been learned at it. Memories have been made for decades, right there at that table. It tells the story of lives being lived, not life missed out on in the name of perfection.

That. Exactly.

When I think about what kind of mother I want to be someday, do I want my kids to remember how well-kept our house was, elaborate our dinners were, and how we were always running around doing stuff?  Or do I want them to remember how I played with them in our backyard, dropped whatever I was doing to listen or laugh, and didn’t get mad when they trampled little dirty footprints all over the carpet? Obviously, I want to be the latter.

And here’s what I’m learning: I don’t become the peaceful, patient, loving woman I want to be by being perfect and on top of things. Rather, I grow to be that woman as I learn to let things go. If I expect the house to always be orderly, I get frustrated when something is out of place. If I map out my schedule for the day and a wrench gets thrown in, I’m mad.

People who exhibit the fruit of the Spirit aren’t isolated from problems and frustrations. They have just learned to embrace the messiness of life. Be content in chaos. See each moment for what it’s really worth – not a time for getting things done, but a time to connect with and serve others, and to be filled with the joy of knowing Christ. Instead of running around checking off my own to-do list, I need to walk through each day with God, trusting that His grace is sufficient – He will provide the energy and wisdom to work when I need to, and to rest when I need to.

A comforting idea I’ve had in my head for several weeks now is that God is more realistic about my abilities than I am. Like QuatroMama writes in this post, I tend to set up my own (perfectionist) standards and then beat myself up when I fall short.

But God is realistic. “For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.”He doesn’t ask me to be Mega Woman. He understands that I only have so many minutes in a day and if I spend time doing this thing, I don’t have time for that thing. If I’m exhausted and want to veg instead of clean, He doesn’t accuse me of laziness and not being productive, like I do to myself. Unlike me, He is full of grace, understanding, and patience.

This is where the Gospel makes all the difference. The Gospel allows us to admit that we fall short of what we wish we were, but reassures us that we’re loved anyway. And God’s love for us isn’t despite how we’ve disappointed Him, or failed to live up to His standard. Because when He sees us in Christ, He sees perfect beings. We are completely and utterly righteous in His eyes. “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgression from us.”

He doesn’t mutter “I love you” through gritted teeth while trying to not be mad over all the things we’ve done wrong. God’s love abounds for us. He lavishly pours out grace upon grace into our lives with delight.

In the words of John Piper, remind yourself, “I am holy and I am loved.” Even when life is messy.

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Annabelle Lyn: 2 Months

1 Jun

I’m a little late on this post (Annabelle is actually over 9 weeks now), but Annabelle just had her 2-month well-baby checkup this past Friday. She now weighs 12 lb 9 oz  (77%) and is 22.5 inches long (53%) — meaning she gained 3 lbs and grew 2 inches in just the past month! Her head circumference is 15.6 inches (85%).

Annabelle is still such a sweet baby. She has started to smile and coo this past month.

20150512_102409She also really enjoys watching the blinking musical smiley face on her playmat and batting at the hanging toys. Emma likes to keep Annabelle company.

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Annabelle doesn’t cry very much and when she does, it’s a pretty quiet cry. It’s actually quite cute. The only time she really gets worked up is when she’s hungry. She doesn’t take a pacifier at all, so in the evenings, I sometimes end up nursing her every 1-2 hours. But once she’s satisfied, she’s very easy to get to sleep. We just swaddle and bounce her a little, and she’s out for 5-6 hours (her longest stretch between feedings).

On the nights that I’ve had to put both Emma and Annabelle to bed by myself (thankfully just a few so far), I have nursed Annabelle, swaddled her, put her in her swing with the vibration on, and she falls asleep on her own. If she doesn’t fall asleep in her swing, she’s almost always content for 15-20 minutes to just sit there, looking around. What a difference from Emma as a baby!

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Speaking of being alone, this past Thursday was my first night with both Emma and Annabelle, and no Travis (he was out of town on a work trip). I survived, though it wasn’t pretty. Emma woke up at 3:30 (I think because she’s getting another one of her 2-year molars) and I rocked her back to sleep quickly but when I went to put her down at 4, she woke up and started freaking out. I was worried about not hearing Annabelle cry (we run a fan in Emma’s room at night) so I set up the monitor in Annabelle’s room (our other one pooped out again). Emma was pretty worked up at that point so it took her over an hour to settle down — at which point Annabelle woke up to nurse. I knew Emma would freak out again if I put her in her crib so I just brought both girls to my bed and Emma played while I nursed Annabelle. Around 5:15, I put Annabelle back down and started rocking Emma back to sleep. I put her down around 6:15 and went back to bed until both girls woke up around 7:30. Whew! I was very happy that Travis got home that night. Though the unfortunate part about Emma teething is that generally speaking, she only wants Mommy during the night. If Travis tries to take a shift, Emma freaks out — like, full-blown tantrum. That’s not good for anyone. Sooooo ready for teething to be over for Emma!

During the day, Annabelle spends a decent amount of time in the Baby Bjorn. She does sleep in her swing also, but she definitely sleeps longer in the carrier. I usually put her in the carrier while we’re outside or doing things that are easy to have her strapped to me so that I can put her down for the things that it’s nice to be sans baby (things that involve a lot of moving around and/or bending down/over). Annabelle is getting to the point of being too heavy to have in the Bjorn for long, so I’m looking into buying a more ergonomic baby carrier. Any recommendations are appreciated!

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In the next 3 weeks or so, we’re going to start transitioning Annabelle from sleeping in her swing to sleeping in the pack n play (Emma still uses the crib). And then we’re going to tackle transitioning Emma to a toddler bed! We’re also starting to dabble in potty training Emma, though I can already tell that it’s going to be a bigger commitment than I’m ready for — or can handle well while nursing. I’ve cleaned up enough pee off carpet with the dogs that I don’t want to deal with it at all with a toddler! So I’m hoping that there will be 4-5 consecutive days warm enough for Emma to be outside all day with no diaper or just undies. That would give us at least a jump start on potty training with no mess. 😉

When Annabelle was 7 weeks, we had her newborn pictures taken. We were also going to have family photos taken that day but Travis woke up with pink eye. So we postponed the family photos until this coming Tuesday. Here are a few sneak peeks for Annabelle’s pictures. I’ll post the others when we have them.

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I love how they turned out! I’ve never really liked newborn pictures where you pose them in pots or buckets — until it was my baby. 😉

Other things that Annabelle did this past month were to journey down to Rochester to visit my parents (Travis and Emma stayed home). It was nice to have adult conversations and not be interrupted 100 times! We spent our whole visit at the hospital too (except for sleeping at night), which wouldn’t have been possible if Emma had come. It was Travis’ first time taking care of Emma overnight on his own and it went well! He really enjoyed the one-on-one time with Emma.

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Annabelle also journeyed up to Namakan Lake in Voyageurs National Park (near the Boundary Waters, across the bourder from Canada) to Travis’ parents’ cabin for Memorial Day weekend. The journey involved 4 hours in the car (in middle-of-nowhere northern Minnesota) and a 45-minute boat ride (her first!) — and that’s just one way. But it went much better than we anticipated! I’ll do a separate post about that weekend…. soon (ish).

And just for fun, here’s a comparison of Emma and Annabelle after a bath around 2-3 weeks old:

emma annabelle comp 2 weeksI think they definitely look like sisters!

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8 Years.

22 May

This past Tuesday, Travis and I celebrated 8 years of marriage. Since we dated a little over 2 years before tying the knot, we’ve been together for 10 years. A full decade. Besides making me feel old, that length of time makes me feel grateful. Grateful most of all for our God who doesn’t give up on us, but keeps blessing us abundantly and transforming us into His Son. Grateful for Travis, who bears with all my flaws, failures and annoying habits with patience, thoughtfulness and humor. Grateful for our two amazing daughters, who are both blessings and opportunities for growth.

Ten years ago, Travis and I were baby believers. We had both trusted in Christ as our Lord and Savior just a year before. We were diving headfirst into the community of Campus Outreach (CO), a campus ministry we got involved with through the friends who led us to Christ, soaking up truth and fellowship like sponges. Even though we both grew up going to church — me, Lutheran and him, Catholic — we knew practically nothing about the Bible, salvation and what it meant to be a Christian. God surrounded us with passionate Christians who were gung-ho about Jesus. Besides going to class and studying, we spent most of our waking hours going to Wednesday night meetings (which, by a vote, were named both “Ministry Training Time”, and “Travis”), Sunday school, Sunday services, Sunday night prayer meetings, weekend Nerts competitions, study breaks during finals with banana chocolate chip pancakes, and get-togethers organized by CO.

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Some may look at that lifestyle and think “Whoa, CULT!?!?!?” But for us, it was life-giving. Campus Outreach is a very unique atmosphere — like a greenhouse for spiritual growth. Ten years later, I can say that I have not seen such intentionality and vulnerability anywhere else. It was especially good for me and Travis, who had both had previous romantic relationships that weren’t healthy or glorifying to God. We both lost our virginity in high school and did our fair share of partying. In Campus Outreach, we had strong Christians to mentor us, not only in our budding faiths but also in our relationship with one another.

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In my case specifically, I went from making out with random guys at parties and sleeping around (before I was a Christian) to not even holding Travis’ hand for the first 4 months we were dating. We were both in Myrtle Beach at the CO Beach Project soon after we started dating and when we hung out together alone, we took long walks on the beach and got ice cream. Afterward, when we were back at home base (an old hotel that our whole group of 75 students was staying in), Travis would say goodbye by playfully punching my arm, “Well, see ya later.” When he did finally hold my hand in the back of my parents’ conversion van on the way home from a canoe trip with my whole family that August, my heart leaped with butterflies. Two months later, after much consultation and advice-seeking from his mentors, Travis told me he loved me and we kissed for the first time on a hundred-foot-high bluff overlooking the Mississippi River in Winona, Minnesota.

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It was not easy to date for two years and not have anything go past kissing. We had a couple minor incidences of “crossing the line”, both of which happened when we had had a little bit too much to drink (old habits die hard). Afterward, we talked about what had happened, and in one case, we stopped kissing for about a month to give us time to “cool down” and reflect.

The summer of 2006, when we had been dating for a little over a year, I went back to Myrtle Beach with Campus Outreach and Travis stayed in the Cities. Three and a half months later, Travis and I sat together on the banks of the Mississippi once more, this time on the U of M campus in Minneapolis, and he told me that he knew he wanted to marry me.

That same night, we told each other the complete, ugly stories of our lives before Christ. I won’t lie — it was VERY hard to hear, and to tell. But by God’s grace, we worked through it and can truly say now that our marriage is a story of redemption. Jesus is so much bigger than our baggage and sin.Halloween 2006 063

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On our wedding day almost 9 months after that night, I clutched my dad’s arm and walked down the aisle to a man who was a new creation. It is that same hope of transformation, that same Spirit in us giving us love and compassion that holds our marriage together today. By the grace of God, our marriage is what it is. It’s not perfect — far from it. But with each year that passes, Travis and I understand each other better. We learn what to avoid. How to phrase things. When the best time is to talk. When the other person just needs us to listen. We still forget these things. We’re still selfish and sinful. But we forgive. Move on. Try to bite our tongue next time, or listen better, or let go of our personal desires to fulfill the other’s. We compromise and sacrifice. We encourage and correct. We share and give. We apologize and admit.

I used to beat myself up over not being where I want us to be in our marriage, or not being the kind of wife I want to be. But as Tim Keller says in one of his marriage sermons, marriage is about seeing the potential in the other person. They’re not perfect. They have flaws, sins, failures, annoying habits. But because of the hope we have in Christ and the transforming power of the Spirit, we can look past the rough exterior and see the pearl on the inside. We see what they’re becoming.

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wedding

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Mother’s Day 2015

20 May

I am very behind on blog posts but since I love to look back at old posts and be reminded of what life was like 1, 2, 5 years ago, I am going to post about these things even though they’re not really ‘timely’ anymore.

For Mother’s Day this year, Travis took care of the girls and let me sleep in. When I got up around 8:15, he had homemade waffles and eggs waiting for me. Delicious!

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We went to the second service at church and then headed home for lunch, which was a veggie pizza from Papa Murphy’s, one of my favorites. When Emma went down for a nap and Annabelle had nursed, I headed to the Y for a swim (this triathlon won’t train for itself). As I swam up and down the pool, lap after lap in my own underwater world, I was transported back to the season of my life when I spent hours upon hours every week getting my body in shape for a race. I remembered the challenge of pushing myself. The satisfaction of being a little sore after a good workout. The thrill of doing something I previously couldn’t. These are the reasons I love endurance sports.

After my wonderful swim (a one-sided pyramid of 200, 50, 300, 50, 400 yards), I went home, nursed Annabelle and we got ready for dinner at Olive Garden. It was a zoo there. We waited 25 minutes for a table and then another hour for our food. Emma was a little rambunctious but she was actually pretty well-behaved considering the situation. Annabelle wasn’t the most content baby ever and I ended having to nurse her a bit. Travis and I didn’t really talk at all during dinner because we were just focused on keeping the kids happy. Ah, such is the life of a mother (and father).

After we got home, Emma went to bed, I spent some more time nursing and bouncing Annabelle and we called it a day. It was a very enjoyable day — the only thing that would’ve made it better is a nap.

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God’s Grace in the Hard

12 May

20150508_160159I mentioned in my last blog post that I recently read Kara Tippett’s book The Hardest Peace. You might not have heard of her, but she just recently passed away after a lengthy battle against breast cancer. She was only 38 and left behind a husband and 4 young kids.

I read the book hoping to gain some insights into how to find peace in the hard circumstances of life. I haven’t mentioned it on the blog yet but my mom is waging her own battle against ovarian cancer. Labor Day this year will mark 2 years since she was diagnosed. Without going into the details here, I’ll just say that the continual appointments, surgeries, chemo treatments, nausea, pain, loss of appetite and weight, complications, needle pokes, hospital stays and other challenges have tested not only her and my dad’s faith, but mine as well.

Meanwhile, I hear stories like Kara’s. Or that of the couple that lives on our street and recently lost their 3-year-old daughter to leukemia. Or a friend from church whose son died from brain trauma at birth. Or an acquaintance from Colorado whose daughter’s heart stopped beating the day before she was supposed to be born via c-section. Or strangers I’ve never even met — a young married couple and their 6-month-old child — who were driving when a bridge collapsed on them and killed them.

And I wonder… WHY????

Why does God allow these things to happen? Why does God leave prayers for healing and wholeness unanswered? Why does God take people when they’re young? Why does God leave their loved ones behind to pick up the pieces of a broken life?

I also wonder… HOW???

How do we trust that God is good in circumstances that seem to scream otherwise? How do we hide ourselves under His wing like a baby chick with its mother when He doesn’t seem to be protecting us from the hurt and hardship of disease and death? When it feels like He’s leaving us exposed and bearing the full brunt of this world’s fallenness and depravity?

My mom’s cancer returned in October of last year. The prognosis was not good. We are praying — begging — for a miracle. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about God’s grace in the hard since then, and have come to the conclusion that…

We trust God is good because He says He is. (Nahum 1:7)

We trust God’s purposes in hardship and disease because He says that His plan is perfect. (Psalm 18:30; Romans 8:28)

We trust God’s promises because He has proven His commitment to and love for us in Christ’s death and resurrection. (2 Corinthians 1:20; Romans 8:32)

We trust God’s love for us because He says nothing can separate us from it in Christ (Romans 8:37-39) and He has demonstrated it tangibly in Christ’s payment for our sins. (Ephesians 2:4-9)

I’ve come to realize that we don’t have to understand WHY or HOW in order to trust God. We trust Him based on His character. We trust Him based on the fact that His ways are higher than ours and if we had a God that we could fully understand, He wouldn’t be big enough.

I’ve also seen the necessity of living with our eyes focused on eternity and the Big Picture that extends beyond this life. Because usually when people talk about the value and importance of suffering and going through hard things, they focus on the growth that results. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” right? Except what if it does kill you or your loved one? What if there is no “after” from which you can look back on the suffering you went through and see the growth or value?

” ‘We want suffering to be like pregnancy–we have a season, and it’s over, and there is a tidy moral to the story.’ I’ve come to sense that isn’t what faith is at all. What if there is never an end? What if the story never improves and the tests continue to break our hearts? Is God still good? … How do you live realistically when you feel like your moments are fading, fleeting, too momentary? How do you fight for normal in the midst of crushing daily news of more hard? How do you seek hope without forgetting reality?” (Kara Tippetts, The Hardest Peace)

We have to believe that the suffering we endure on this earth is being used for our eternal good. That the battle against cancer, disease or persecution is reaping us growth and rewards that we carry into the next life with Christ. Nothing here is wasted, even if (or when) the battle kills us.

We also have to see the immeasurable good of God’s grace in being concerned first and foremost with our souls. Since my mom’s diagnosis, my parents have started to read the Bible daily, pray earnestly and trust God in a practical way that they hadn’t before, for which I am incredibly thankful to God. Being pushed beyond your limits has a way of getting you down on your knees in humility and dependence. Regardless of whether God causes these hard things or just allows them (that’s an argument for another time), He uses the hard things to accomplish His purposes — even if we can’t see what they are right now.

“God’s purposes in present grief may not be fully known in a week, in a year, or even in this lifetime. Indeed, some of God’s purposes will not even be known when believers die and go to be with the Lord. Some will only be discovered at the day of final judgment when the Lord reveals the secrets of all hearts and commends with special honor those who trusted him in hardship even though they could not see the reason for it: they trusted him simply because he was their God and they knew him to be worthy of trust. It is in times when the reason for hardship cannot be seen that trust in God alone seems to be most pure and precious in his sight. Such faith he will not forget, but will store up as a jewel of great value and beauty to be displayed and delighted in on the day of judgment (Wayne Grudem, The First Epistle of Peter).”

It’s hard to trust God in this way, but it’s the only way we’ll have true hope in these kinds of circumstances. I often feel the co-existence of faith and doubt like the father in Mark 9:24 — “I believe; help my unbelief!” God’s grace in the hard is that He meets us where we’re at — in the pain, anger, fear, sadness — and reassures us that He sees and He cares. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) Even when our faith is as tiny as a mustard seed, He loves us. And no matter what the outcome is, He will be there for us with grace, compassion, love and goodness. “All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.” (Psalm 25:10)

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Worth Repeating {5/1/15}

1 May

This is a weekly series where I share quotes, sayings and verses that I enjoyed and found to be worth repeating.

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It’s been a LOOOONG time since my last Worth Repeating post. I have been reading Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas and Where Men Win Glory by Jon Krakauer — both ridiculously long books that don’t have a ton of quote-worthy material (though good books nonetheless). Hence the lack of quotes to share.

But I’m done reading those and just finished The Hardest Peace by Kara Tippetts, which contains many things that are worth repeating. I’ll share some in the coming weeks. I also started reading Jesus Calling again, for a quick word of encouragement in these crazy days. Yesterday’s devotion was incredibly relevant to my last post about Not Good Enough so I thought I’d share it today.

When some basic need is lacking — time, energy, money — consider yourself blessed. Your very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Me in unashamed dependence. When you begin a day with inadequate resources, you must concentrate your efforts on the present moment. This is where you are meant to live — in the present; it is the place where I always await you. Awareness of your inadequacy is a rich blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me.

The truth is that self-sufficiency is a myth perpetuated by pride and temporary success. Health and wealth can disappear instantly, as can life itself. Rejoice in your insufficiency, knowing that My power is made perfect in weakness. (James 1:2; 2 Corinthians 12:9)

Not Good Enough

28 Apr

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I’ve been struggling lately with feeling like I don’t measure up. That I’m not enough. I hear Travis and the grandparents having so much fun with Emma and I feel like the most boring, uncreative mom ever. I act cold and unforgiving toward Travis and feel like the worst, most unenjoyable wife ever. I spend my days worrying about laundry, dishes and unwritten blog posts while others are struggling with cancer, death and finances, and feel like the worst Christian ever. Weeks and months pass without a prayer, text, email or phone call to friends and family, and I feel like the most self-centered person ever.

What to do with thoughts like that? In the past, those thoughts would have plunged me into a downward spiral of self-pity and I would end up lamenting that I suck at life and will never be the person I want to be.

I am still often tempted to go there.

But I’m learning to “take every thought captive to obey Christ” instead of just letting my emotions run rampant and drive me into the ground. So these days, when I have thoughts like the above, I stop and think. And it has been in thinking about what the godly reaction is to those thoughts that I started pondering a question:

Does Christ’s work on the cross make me “enough / good enough” OR does His work make it okay that I’m not “enough / good enough”?

You might consider it only semantics, but I think it’s an important distinction – and I believe God’s glory is at stake.

There are 2 things that I think are erroneous about saying, “In Christ, I am enough”:

  • It puts the emphasis on me, instead of Him.

Saying that I’m enough in Christ uses Him as a way to bolster my self-esteem. While I do wholeheartedly believe that I should embrace and rest in who God has created me to be, that doesn’t mean I turn a blind eye to the ways that I sin, fail and fall short. Instead, I can be honest about where I need God’s sanctifying power, and pray for God to accomplish in me what I cannot accomplish myself.

  • It removes my need for constant dependence on Christ.

Nothing drives me to my knees in prayer faster than feeling insufficient, or “not enough”. If I have the mindset that I’m enough in Christ – that whatever I bring to the table is acceptable – my main motivation for walking through each day in dependence on Christ has been removed.

My flesh naturally bristles at hearing “I am not enough.” It’s not surprising, considering how the human race wants so desperately to earn our salvation through works instead of just accepting the free gift of God through faith in Christ. We want to be enough. We want to be sufficient.

But “grace permits us to come (nay, demands that we come) as empty sinners to be blessed: empty of right feelings, good character and satisfactory record, with nothing to commend ourselves but our deep need, fully and frankly acknowledged. Then grace, being what it is, is drawn by that need to satisfy it, just as water is drawn to depth (by gravity) that it might fill it. This means that when at last we are content to find no merit or procuring cause in ourselves and are willing to admit the full extent of our sinfulness, then there is no limit to what God will do for the poor who look to Him in their nothingness.” (We Would See Jesus by Roy and Revel Hession)

So what do I do in response to these self-pitying thoughts, combined with the truth that I’m not enough?

I don’t stop caring about these things. I want to love and serve others.

I don’t stop desiring sanctification. I want to grow in Christ-likeness and show God to be the radiant, glorious God that He is to this world through how I live and act.

I don’t try to improve myself on my own. Even though I yearn for sanctification and groan to put on my heavenly dwelling (2 Cor. 5:1-4), I know that I am fully dependent on “him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to [His] power at work within us” for transformation (Ephesians 3:20).

I don’t focus on how I’m doing compared with the “standard”. Satan wants to keep me preoccupied with my own performance, instead of looking to Christ and His work.

I DO repent of my sin and selfishness, trust God to change me, and focus on what is now possible in my life through Christ’s death and resurrection.

Annabelle Lyn: 1 Month

27 Apr

Our little Annabelle is already a month old!

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The last 4 weeks have gone by really fast. Annabelle is still a really good baby. She has gotten a little fussier and needed a little more help getting to sleep (if she doesn’t fall asleep nursing, which she does about 75% of the time), but she still sleeps most of the day.IMG_6381

During the day, I often have to wake her up to nurse every 3 hours. At night, I let her wake up on her own. Most of the time, she wakes up after 3-4 hours, but she’s given me a 5-6 hour stretch a few times. It is SO HARD to get up in the middle of the night and I am loving my coffee these days, but overall, having a newborn is a lot easier this time around.IMG_6383

I’m excited for Annabelle to start staying awake longer so that we can start discovering her personality and interacting with her more, but I will say that it has been nice that she sleeps so much because then I can play with Emma a lot easier. I’m sure we’ll figure it out though.IMG_6399

At her 1-month doctor appointment, Annabelle weighed 9 lbs 5 oz (59%), was 20.6 inches long (32%), and had a head circumference of 14.76 inches (85%). Her pediatrician was happy to see that she had gained 2 pounds in a month — and so was I! IMG_6401

IMG_6404 IMG_6407 On Sunday, April 19, we dedicated Annabelle to God at church in front of the whole congregation. We did this with Emma too in lieu of baptism, since we believe in believer’s baptism. It’s just a way to declare publicly that we recognize our responsibility and honor as parents to raise Annabelle up in the knowledge of God to the best of our ability. Annabelle needs to decide for herself whether or not she will follow Jesus as her Lord and Savior. We definitely pray that she chooses to do so!

IMG_6357 And that’s Annabelle at 1 month!

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