Learning Our Parenting Style

21 Jun

I’m supposed to go back to work in 2.5 weeks. This has caused me to panic just a bit.

I feel like we’re just finally getting to know Emma. For the first 3 weeks of her life, she was pretty easygoing and slept quite a bit. Then we had the month of her crying almost all day, every day, due to her swallowing too much air during nursing. When she started feeling better, we were on vacation for 2 weeks. So we’ve really only been at home with Emma alert and happy for about 2 weeks – and Emma’s almost 3 months old!

With my return to work looming, I have been feeling pressure to get Emma on a schedule – though we have been following the routine of eat-play-sleep for several weeks, it was at different times everyday. Emma went to bed at a different time, meaning she woke up at a different time. So each day was different. Returning to work, I’ll have to leave the house at a specific time, which means getting Emma up at a specific time. And with Travis traveling for work a lot this summer, I’ll be on my own for many of the days I work. I think a schedule would also be helpful for my friend who is going to be taking care of Emma, so she doesn’t need to constantly guess what Emma wants.

The only problem is, putting her on a 3-hour schedule hasn’t been working. I’ve discovered that Emma’s maximum awake time (from the end of one nap to the beginning of the next) is about an hour and 15 minutes – and that means starting to try to get her to sleep for her nap after about an hour. She’s not awake for very long but anything longer and she gets really fussy and it takes her a very long time to fall asleep.

So she’s awake for about an hour and 15 minutes, and her naps are usually 45 minutes long if I put her down. If I think she needs a longer nap, I’ll hold her for the first 45 minutes and then put her down. She’ll usually sleep an additional 45 minutes that way, but sometimes she wakes up when I try to put her down. Sometimes I’m able to get her back to sleep for a longer nap but lately, I’ve just been feeding her after 2 hours if she’s wide awake. Emma has taken longer naps in the Baby Bjorn, but I think she’s getting to the age when she’s too interested in what’s going on around her that she has to be really tired to sleep in there now.

And we’re still rocking, bouncing, and shushing her to sleep with a pacifier and swaddle, both at bedtime and for her naps. I don’t really see a way around that yet without lots and lots of crying – and I could totally see her being one of those babies who cries so hard they throw up. I’m not ready to go there – and I’m not sure I ever will be. I’m mostly hoping that as Emma gets older, her need for that amount of help to sleep will decrease. I know there are plenty of people who would say that we’re teaching Emma to depend on props for sleep, and who knows, they might be right. But right now, we’re parenting with the philosophy of “It’s not a problem until it is.”

Otherwise, it’s easy to drive yourself crazy. I know because I’ve been driving myself crazy. I’ve read about 6 different books on how to get your baby to sleep, plus countless blogs and forum posts. I’ve been so unsure and confused as to what I think we should be doing with Emma that I’ve changed my mind probably about 100 times. I’ve been tempted to laugh/cry when I hear people say, “Do whatever you know is right for your family.” Um, that’s exactly what I don’t know and what I’m trying to figure out. Travis has been very encouraging and laidback, reminding me to just focus on one thing.

The most helpful book I read was Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. It helped me see that going from being rocked to sleep and held during naps to being put down awake and sleeping on her own for naps (she does fine at night) would be a very big and unwelcome change for Emma. So instead of overcorrecting for everything we ‘shouldn’t’ be doing (I have more thoughts on parenting shoulds that I’ll share in a later post) with Emma, we’re taking it slow – focusing first on getting her to sleep in her Rock ‘n’ Play for naps (meaning we get her to sleep and then put her in there). But again, if I can tell that she needs a longer nap or would wake up if I put her down, I just hold her. That’s why I haven’t been blogging a ton! Though I am getting pretty good at writing posts on my phone (which is what I’m doing right now).

So what’s my plan for returning to work? First, I decided to take my full allotment of FMLA leave and not return to work until July 30. This will give Emma another 3 weeks to mature and me an additional 3 weeks to figure out how best to mother her. That way, hopefully I can leave Emma with my friend without worrying about her crying all day – not fun for Emma or Charlotte. But maybe the 4-month sleep regression will make that a hard time to go back too…

Second, I’m continuing the eat-play-sleep routine on a 2 to 3 hour schedule. It has been very helpful for me personally to be ok with feeding Emma every 2 hours if that is when she wakes up. It has taken so much pressure off to not have to make her get to a certain time. And I’m not frustrated when she wakes up after 45 minutes because I expect it (though I hope that she extends her naps as she gets older).

Last, I’m going to stop worrying so much. I’m going to surround myself with similar-minded mothers – those who didn’t let their kids cry it out but can testify that they eventually grow out of whatever phase they’re in. And most of all, I’m going to trust God to guide me and give me the wisdom I need to be the mother that Emma needs and that I’m called to be. Parenting is just one more aspect of the Christian life that requires a moment-by-moment dependence on the Holy Spirit and relationship with Jesus. I don’t have to fear ‘messing it up’ with Emma because God is actively at work in our lives. This verse has been a great comfort to me recently:

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

Parents – how did you decide on your parenting style?

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Emma’s Dedication

20 Jun

Last Sunday was Emma’s dedication at church. Our church has them only once a year, alternating between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, so as you can imagine, there were a lot of other families up there with us – probably 10-15!

If you’re wondering, a dedication is in lieu of a baptism. Travis and I (and our church) believe that a child should be baptized when they’re old enough to understand the gospel and accept Christ as their personal Lord and Savior.

Here’s what we as parents committed to during the dedication:
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Emma started fussing during worship before the dedication so I walked the halls with her until the dedication started and got her to sleep. But she definitely wouldn’t have been there only baby crying up there! It was actually kind of funny how much noise they were all making.

It was fun to get Emma all dressed up but I was sad to discover that the 0-3 month dress I had brought for her to wear was already too short! It was more like a long shirt. Our little girl is getting so big.

Anyway, I hope that one day, we get to celebrate Emma’s baptism with her. That’s our greatest prayer for her – to have a personal relationship with Jesus!
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Running!

17 Jun

Slowly but surely, my body is getting used to running again. Here are my recent runs:

Grand Rapids – 5/31

grrunI did easy run/walk intervals on a trail near Gunn Park. The running portions were between a 10:30 and 12:30 pace. It was a beautiful day and I saw Minnesota through fresh eyes, since it’s sooo different from Colorado.

20130531_121634 (Large)Dandelions!

20130531_123101 (Large)Lakes!

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Rochester #1 – 6/5

timberidgeThis was another easy-paced run, interspersed with walking breaks whenever I felt like I needed them, on a couple of cul-de-sacs near my parents’ house. My running portions were around a 12:30-13:00 pace.

I couldn’t get over how lush and green everything is. The lawns look like they’re a golf course!

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Rochester #2 – 6/7

deerwoodI didn’t have a ton of time for this run, so I decided to make the most of it and do some speedwork. I still did run/walk intervals but the running portions of this run were between 8:50 – 9:50. The Map My Run app says I got up to a 7:45 pace but I’m not sure I believe that.

First Run with Jogging Stroller! – 6/13

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Emma’s pediatrician okayed me running with her in the jogging stroller since our carseat snaps in. But Emma is still not a huge fan of being in her carseat for anything, so I’m just starting small by taking her for a jaunt around the block. This was a very easy-paced run, but I pushed the stroller with my right hand and shook a rattle with my left to keep Emma from crying. She started to crack after just .3 mile.

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Anderson Park – 6/13

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This was actually in the evening of the day I took Emma out in the jogging stroller and was my best run since pre-pregnancy. I treated it like a tempo run with walking breaks – the running portions were done at paces between 8:30 and 9:30. Granted, they were only for about .1 mile each but still. It was fun to run fast again!

I still haven’t committed to any races but I’m thinking about doing a sprint tri relay with some friends at the end of July (I’d do the running) and I’d love to do a 10K or half marathon in the fall. But Travis will be traveling a lot for work this summer so I’m not sure how much running I’ll be able to do. For now, I’m just thankful for any time I can get back out there!

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Memorial Day in Minnesota

16 Jun

For Memorial Day, Travis, Emma and I flew into Minneapolis and met my parents, brother and sister-in-law for lunch – it was my brother and SIL’s first time meeting Emma. She wasn’t in the greatest mood because she had had a long day of travel and naps being interrupted. We got takeout from Cossetta’s for lunch – I was still doing the non-dairy thing, so I didn’t have much of a selection (but that’s typical for most restaurants). I ended up getting minestrone soup and artichoke salad. It was tasty, but it didn’t fill me up. I think I ate about 5 Larabars that day.

After lunch, Travis, Emma and I headed up to Grand Rapids, where Travis’ parents live. Everyone except Travis’ mom had already gone up to their cabin on Lake Namakan in Voyageurs National Park on the US/Canadian border, but she stayed to go up with us. We stopped about an hour from Grand Rapids to feed Emma, sitting behind a gas station in the minivan we borrowed from my brother – such is the reality of parenthood. We got to Grand Rapids and unloaded our stuff, I fed Emma again and then we all went to bed.

At Travis’ parents’ house, there are 2 bedrooms downstairs. When it was just us down there, we put Emma in one room while we stayed in the other, so that we didn’t hear every little sound she made. But for part of our time there, someone was using the other bedroom so we had Emma in the room with us. Probably the worst part about having her in the same room was that the door on that bedroom is the squeakiest one ever. After putting Emma down a couple of times and her waking up shortly afterward, I asked Travis and his dad to please fix it – which apparently required them to take the door off its hinges and make all kinds of noise while I waited in the dark bathroom with a sleeping Emma.

On Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, Travis, my mother-in-law Beth, Emma and I made the 2 hour drive north to Crane Lake, to Handberg’s Marine where they launch their boats, and pick up/drop off people going to the cabin – the only way to get to their cabin is a 30-minute boat ride. We put all our stuff in the boat, and put Emma in her infant life vest. It was a little big.

IMG_4580 (Large)Don’t worry – we took it off after taking that picture. She wasn’t a fan of having her cheeks squeezed together.

The boat ride there was very uneventful, thanks to Travis’ brother Matthew’s good driving. \

For the next 3 days, we spent a lot of time outside, holding Emma.

IMG_4598 (Large) IMG_4591 (Large) IMG_4596 (Large)The weather on Sunday was really nice, but it was cooler and windy the rest of our time there. I wore pants and a sweatshirt pretty much the whole time, but I also spent most of my time in the shade.

IMG_4604 (Large) IMG_4608 (Large)Even though having a baby meant I spent a lot of time in our room feeding her, I got to go on a boat ride, walk to “Whiskey Point” near their cabin where a bunch of empty booze bottles have collected over the years, play bocce ball, sit around the campfire, and shoot a .22 rifle at pop cans (I missed though). Things are always pretty low-key up at the cabin.

On Wednesday, we made the trip back down to Grand Rapids for the ‘weekend of Matthew’ – his birthday was Thursday, graduation on Friday and open house on Saturday.

We went out to eat for Matthew’s birthday with his girlfriend and girlfriend’s family. Emma fussed a bit at the beginning but Travis got her to sleep and everything went smoothly then. At this point, I was still doing the no-dairy thing and man, it is hard to find stuff in restaurants that don’t have dairy and still sound appetizing. But I made it work. I got a grilled chicken sandwich and fries (At that point, I wasn’t worried about any trace dairy ingredients.)

IMG_4653 (Large)On Friday, I went on a 2 mile run near their house (more on that in a separate post) and then went to Matthew’s graduation that evening.

IMG_4667 (Large) IMG_4702 (Large)Emma got all dressed up, though we quickly discovered how impractical dresses are for little babies.

IMG_4684 (Large)Travis and I were able to stay for the entire ceremony but I did have to put Emma in the Baby Bjorn and stand in the back of the arena. The things we do for babies.

Saturday was the open house. It ended up being cold, rainy and windy, which was a bummer, but it was fun to see some of Travis’ relatives again and have them meet Emma. I had her in the Baby Bjorn again for the first part of the party because she was being fussy and everyone was busy getting stuff ready, but later she got a bottle and others got to hold her.

Sunday morning, Travis, Emma and I drove back down to the Twin Cities because Travis was flying back to Denver and I was meeting up with my parents to go down to Rochester for a week. Emma had a very rough start to the car ride but she finally fell asleep.

IMG_4775 (Large)My time in Rochester was pretty low-key too. My mom and I sat around and talked a lot, played with Emma, watched Scandal (I’m now officially hooked!), organized their basement a bit, and went shopping at the grocery store, Trader Joe’s, and the mall. I also got out on a couple of more runs, which was really nice. AND for Mother’s Day, my awesome mom treated me to a haircut, highlights and some new clothes.

20130608_102409 20130608_102331I finally have mint green jeans! I’ve been wanting some for over a year.

We also tried some new stuff from Trader Joe’s:

20130608_060738It was all delicious. I had forgotten how amazing the Crunchy Cookie Butter is.

So how did Emma do with being away from home for so long? Really well overall. She LOVES being held and there were lots of people willing to do that – so she lived it up but might have gotten a little bit too used to it. She’ll only sleep about 45 minutes in her bassinet for a nap right now. But she still consistently sleeps between 5 and 7 hours for a stretch at night in her bassinet, which is awesome and has helped me feel more human.

And that was our trip to Minnesota!

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Flying with a 2 month old

10 Jun

As I’ve mentioned, almost 3 weeks ago, we flew back to Minnesota for my brother-in-law’s high school graduation. It was Emma’s first plane ride!

Since Emma and I were there for 2 weeks – weeks during which she changed a lot – the flight out was a much different experience from the flight back.

But first….

Luggage and Check-In

Southwest allows 2 free checked bags so Travis and I both checked a duffel bag (Emma’s stuff was in mine). We also checked Emma’s Rock ‘N’ Play Sleeper in the box it came in and her carseat/base, since we weren’t going to use it in the airport or on the plane. I was concerned about the carseat getting thrown around and coming tumbling down the luggage chute but the airline treated it as an oversized luggage item and covered it in plastic, so it wasn’t a big deal at all.

We didn’t bring our stroller because it’s bulky and Emma prefers the Baby Bjorn anyway. The only thing we carried on the plane was the diaper bag.

Check-in went smoothly because I had researched what we needed for Emma ahead of time – Southwest just asks for a child’s birth certificate to verify their age. I would assume that most airlines are the same but I’m not sure. They stapled Emma’s “non-ticketed lap child” boarding pass to mine.

Flight Out to Minneapolis

Emma was 7 weeks old for the flight out there and did really well.  We carried her through the airport and security in the Baby Bjorn (you can keep babies in a carrier for security – they have you go through the metal detector instead of the full body scanner and then wipe your hands for residue). She slept through pretty much all of that.

We got on the plane during family boarding and chose a window and middle seat. We flew Southwest so it was a full flight. I kept Emma in the carrier until we pulled away from the gate and then got set up to nurse her, which I did as soon as we started to take off. She nursed for about 20 minutes, we put her back in the carrier (on Travis that time) and she fell right back asleep.

Denver to Minneapolis is only a 2-hour flight so Emma was still sleeping when they announced that we were making our final descent. We quick woke her up and I started nursing her to help her ears pop with the change in altitude. I could tell that the way down bothered her a bit more than the way up had. Once we landed, I burped her and she started to cry. We put her back in the carrier and she settled down within about 5 minutes (though it seemed like longer).

I had to bounce and walk with Emma while we waited for our bags and she was kind of fussy for a few hours after that but she was just coming off her rough swallowing-lots-of-air weeks so that might’ve been the main cause.

Flight Back to Denver

Over the course of our vacation, Emma became a lot more alert. A few days before our flight back to Denver, when she was almost 9 weeks old, she started wanting to be entertained and getting bored easily. So I had a feeling the second flight wouldn’t be as smooth-sailing as the first. Fortunately, my mom flew back with me and Emma so I had help with our stuff and moral support for the flight. (Travis had flown back the previous Sunday because he had to work.)

I had planned to give Emma a bottle after discovering the challenge of nursing in a cramped airplane seat. We put her milk in a small cooler and I took the contents out for going through security, which worked fine (the 3 oz rule doesn’t apply to infant milk or formula). On takeoff, Emma took the bottle fine, but she wasn’t satisfied with it, her toys, pacifier, being bounced, rocked or even in the Baby Bjorn. So I ended up nursing her for about 15 minutes anyway. That took care of the first hour of the flight.

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My mom and I hoped that nursing Emma would put her to sleep but she wasn’t interested in sleeping even though she was tired. We tried her toys some more – a couple of rattles that she really likes – while she lie on her back on my lap and that kept her entertained for another 15 minutes. Then about 30 minutes before our scheduled landing (when we had started descending anyway), I nursed her again. She didn’t really settle down until I could stand up with her in the Baby Bjorn as we were deplaning. But almost as soon as we started walking around the airport, she was out.

So flying wasn’t completely without incident but it went well overall I’d say – which is good because we’re headed back to Minnesota for the 4th of July! I have to take advantage of my maternity leave while I can.

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Emma: 2 Months

7 Jun

Our little baby Emma is 2 months old today! It’s hard to believe that that much time has gone by already. I go back to work in a month. 😦

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During our Minnesota vacation, Emma has been quite busy! She has:

* Flown on a plane for the first time
* Ridden for 6 hours in the car at once (with stops for nursing)
* Gone boating 3 times, crossing into Canadian waters
* Gone out to dinner at a restaurant
* Attended a high school graduation and open house
* Shopped at Trader Joe’s, the regular grocery store and the Apache Mall
* Gone on a long walk with Grandma K and mommy
* Been bathed 3 times in 3 different tubs/sinks
* Spent lots of time outside at the cabin
* Been held almost all daytime hours by loving relatives
* Drank many bottles of expressed breastmilk

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At 2 months, Emma:

* Gets excited about things she can see, like the mobile on the swing my parents have, people’s faces, and noisy rattles – her little arms and legs really get going!
* Loves to lie on her back and kick or have her legs bicycled
* Smiles often
* Talks when she’s starting to get sleepy
* Is starting to want to be entertained when she’s awake
* Likes getting a bath but not getting out or having lotion put on
* Eats 4-5 oz per feeding, or nurses for 45-60 minutes
* Generally follows an eat-play-sleep routine – she nurses every 3 hours for 45-60 minutes, plays for 30-45 minutes and sleeps for 1-2 hours
* Often nurses every 2 hours in the morning
* Sleeps for 4-6 hours as her longest nighttime stretch

We don’t have Emma’s 2 month pediatrician appointment until next week so I don’t know her growth stats yet, but I’ll post them when I do.

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Emma is a whole new baby.

6 Jun

Greetings from Minnesota! Emma and I are spending the week at my parents’ house in Rochester – without daddy (Travis)! It’s been going well but we miss him like crazy.

Almost 2 weeks have gone by since I posted Emma’s 7 Week update and things have changed a lot in that time – for the better!

Right before we left for Minnesota 2 weeks ago, I took Emma back to the lactation consultant. A friend had pointed out the clicking she does while eating – I knew she clicked a lot, but she had done it since birth, even when latched correctly, so I had dismissed it. But since I have been trying everything and anything to help Emma be more comfortable, I figured re-visiting the lactation consultant to ask about it couldn’t hurt.

I was able to make an appointment for the same day I called and Emma cooperated by clicking while I nursed her at the lactation consultant’s office. The lady said that Emma was latched correctly, her palate was fine, she wasn’t tongue-tied, and that the clicking sounded like her way of compensating for too fast of a milk flow. She suggested nursing her in a different hold than the football hold so that the milk wouldn’t go straight down her throat. The position she suggested had me recline quite a bit and lay Emma on her stomach diagonally across my torso (like the cross-cradle hold, only more reclined). She said I could also use the scissor hold to slow down the flow of milk, break the suction to relatch Emma if she just kept clicking and to keep burping her frequently.

It took several sessions for me to get used to nursing Emma a different way, and I was tempted to not change how I was nursing her as a result, but I reminded myself that if I was willing to give up all the foods I loved (including my beloved coffee) to help Emma, why wouldn’t I be willing to change how I nurse her? So I stuck with it.

And I am so glad I did because that was the answer! After just a few feedings, Emma stopped crying after eating. Instead, she was alert and happy. She also started burping a lot more regularly. She still cries before falling asleep almost every time (because she’ll go from happy and smiling to crying in about 30 seconds) but it’s a very manageable amount of crying, and she’s alert and happy for at least 30-45 minutes before needing a nap. Several of Travis’ relatives commented that Emma didn’t seem to cry any more than a normal baby, which made me happy.

We’ve stopped giving her the acid reflux medication (we kept forgetting and I noticed that Emma was still fine) and I’ve slowly been introducing dairy back into my diet – starting with the most necessary morning cup of joe! Emma’s improvements have stayed consistent – praise the Lord!

I do have to be very mindful of how I nurse Emma now, which means no more reading or blogging during that time (I’ve tried and always ended up regretting it). And it takes her 45-60 minutes to nurse now instead of 20-30 like before. But those sacrifices are worth it to have a happy baby! And I’m sure those things will get better in time.

I’m still pumping about 2-3 oz (1-1.5 per side) before feeding Emma following her longest stretch of sleep at night, so that she’s not completely inundated – and it works out well because then I have a bottle stash built up. I also burp her 3-4 times per feeding, so that the air she swallows doesn’t get trapped under a bunch of milk.

Nighttime sleep is still a little hit or miss – some nights, she sleeps well for 5-6 hours straight but other nights, she only goes 4 hours. And after that first nighttime feeding around 3 am, she usually grunts a lot and only sleeps for another 2 hours. We try to burp and fart her but it doesn’t always seem to help.

Regardless, Emma is doing a million times better now than before. I feel like we’ve really turned a corner. I am so thankful that it was a relatively easy fix – and that we’ve finally figured it out! Thanks to all those who prayed for us.

See you tomorrow for Emma’s 2-Month update!

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Emma: 7 Weeks

26 May

Emma is 7 weeks today!

Back on May 16, I was at my wit’s end to get Emma to sleep on her own at night. So I asked my Facebook friends what their tips were. My sister-in-law and cousin-in-law suggested the Fisher Price Rock ‘n’ Play Sleeper. I figured the $60 would be well-spent if it worked. So I found one in stock at Target and off Emma and I went to buy it. She ended up having a meltdown halfway through our trip but she’s still young enough for people to look at me with ‘Poor thing’ expressions instead of ‘Control your kid’ judgement. Still, I hoped that I looked especially sleep-deprived and first-time-mom-ish that morning… you know, for sympathy.
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We didn’t use the bassinet that first night because we were still hopeful that she’d sleep in her (free, borrowed) cradle. And she did… but not without waking up every hour or so.

The next night, Travis and I set up the Rock ‘n’ Play Sleeper and crossed our fingers. We got Emma to sleep and put her in it. And she didn’t wake up for 4.5 hours! Since then, she has slept 4.5 – 6 hours each night on her own, without waking up. Hallelujah!
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So Travis and I are finally sleeping in the same bed again, for roughly the same hours. We have Emma set up in the nursery and keep the monitor on. Our house isn’t really big enough to merit the use of monitors but they allow us to close her door and still hear what’s going on in there.
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It’s never fun to have a crying baby in public but Travis and I have decided that we just need to go for it more often. So we finally went to care group for the first time since Emma was born. Yes, she ended up crying quite loudly after I fed her and our friend Sue graciously took her upstairs to calm her down. But it wasn’t the end of the world. I have also discovered that the secret to having her in public without a meltdown is to put her in the Baby Bjorn. Works like a charm every time!
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At 7 weeks, Emma:

* Weighs a little over 10 lbs
* Has outgrown all her newborn clothes and now wears size 0-3 months
* Will start wearing size 1 and cloth diapers when we get back from Minnesota in 2 weeks
* Smiles at us when she’s awake and happy
* Can almost hold her head up
* Sleeps 5-6 hours on a regular basis at night
* Takes her reflux medicine like a champ
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Emma loves:

* Grabbing things, even if it’s accidental
* Being in the Baby Bjorn
* Sucking on her pacifier
* Hanging out in her swing after eating for 10-15 minutes
* Being swaddled, shushed and bounced (all at the same time!)
* Getting her diaper changed
* Tummy time
* Being read to
* Cuddling

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First thumb sucking!


Emma doesn’t like:

* Being in her carseat
* Having clothes put on over her head or her arms pulled through the sleeves
* Being burped
* Waiting to be fed (who does?)
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Everyday, we see little bits of Emma’s personality shine through the pain and discomfort she’s in. It gets us very excited for the day when she’s finally happy more than she’s upset! Even now, we are very in love with this little girl.
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Minnesota!

25 May

We made it to Minnesota. Emma did great on her first-ever airplane ride. I’ll post details later because we’re heading up to Travis’ family’s cabin near the Canadian border. I have Emma’s 7 week update for tomorrow but after that, I’ll be MIA for a few days. 

Have a great Memorial Day weekend! Thanks to all those who have sacrificed for our freedom.

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6 Weeks Postpartum

22 May

This past Monday, I had my 6-week postpartum checkup. Everything looks good and I’ve been officially cleared for exercise. Yay!

At 6 weeks postpartum, here’s how things are going…

Physical Recovery

The weird tightness in my upper abdominal muscles is now officially gone. My abs are still fairly weak, though all the bouncing on the exercise ball that I’ve been doing to calm Emma down has helped to regain some of my core strength. I could notice a difference during the 2 runs I went on this week.

Yep, I went on 2 runs this week! Emma has been sleeping better at night (more on that in Emma’s 7 week update) so that has allowed me to go running in the morning instead of catching up on sleep. I thought about doing the Couch to 5K program but it seemed to be a little bit more conservative than I’d like. So I’m just doing my own thing. I covered 1.5 miles in 20 minutes on Monday and 2 miles in 30 minutes today, doing run/walk intervals. I mostly ran because I’ve missed it so much, but I know I need to listen to my body and walk when my legs feel tired or tight. Don’t want any injuries!

This week is the first that I’ve really been back at it with exercise. After that initial run at 12 days postpartum, Emma started getting really fussy and workouts fell very low on the priority list. I tried to get out on walks as much as Emma and my energy levels would allow, but that wasn’t very often. I’m glad that things are turning around now!

Body Weight / Image

I have about 7-8 pounds to go before hitting my pre-pregnancy weight. I’m trying to transition out of wearing maternity clothes but it has been hard. My boobs have grown so much from breastfeeding and my stomach is still ’round’ enough that I’d say about 75% of my pre-pregnancy shirts don’t fit – they’re either too short or too tight. About 90% of my pre-pregnancy pants, shorts and skirts don’t fit, also due to the stomach. I have been able to fit into a few things again (though not without causing major muffin top action) and I bought a few new things from the thrift store that fit me better. But overall, this is still an extremely frustrating part of being postpartum.

postpartum_comparison_2Maternity jeans on the left, pre-pregnancy jeans on the right

As a person who loves fitness and feeling in shape, it’s hard to be comfortable in my own skin when I feel so flabby and blah. I know that my body will never be exactly the same again but I’m looking forward to the day when I get to a place where I like how I feel and look again. I know that having clothes that fit will help me feel better, so I’m hoping to go shopping again in the next couple of weeks.

I also know that I need to be better about my eating habits. When we had family out here visiting after Emma was born, we ate pretty well-balanced, healthy meals. But when it’s just me and Travis, convenience is king – which means a lot more processed foods like frozen waffles, deli meat, cereal, etc. Being dairy and soy free really limits what I can eat (and drives up our grocery bill!) and I’ve found myself eating a lot of carb-heavy snacks/meals, like Rudi’s whole wheat toast with Earth Balance spread and raspberry preserves. Not horrible, but that kind of thing shouldn’t be the mainstay of my diet. Instead of relying on processed, expensive convenience foods, I need to be more intentional about eating whole foods – fruits, vegetables, legumes, meat and nuts. They’re cheaper and healthier.

Emotional

My emotions are still a rollercoaster, but a bit more intense than when I posted my postpartum update at 2.5 weeks. They vary from day to day, morning to night, hour to hour. Not surprisingly, they are heavily influenced by how much Emma is crying and sleeping. When Emma is minimally fussy, easily comforted, and sleeping for 3-5 hours at a stretch, it’s a lot easier for me to feel hopeful and enjoy this season than when she is crying inconsolably, refuses to sleep and wakes up after 20 minutes. Then I feel a ball of despair wedge itself in my throat and my minds fills with lots of untrue, very unhelpful thoughts, and I wonder how anyone has ever enjoyed being a parent.

It is because of God’s sustaining grace that I haven’t given up. He provides grace in little ways each day: Emma finally going to sleep when I thought I couldn’t possibly shush or bounce anymore. Emma staying asleep when I thought for sure she had woken up as I put her down and left the room in a huff (which happened last night). Travis and I working as a team to figure out how to do the things we enjoy doing while taking care of a colicky baby. Emma sleeping so well in the baby carrier that we can still do stuff – like clean, grocery shop, go on walks – even when she demands to be held.

I’ve called to mind these evidences of grace whenever I’ve been tempted to dive back into self-pity and discouragement. God does see, and He is actively providing for us. He may not be taking the situation away completely, but He is being faithful in the midst of it. And that has to be enough for me – because joy comes from accepting what He allows, not from demanding what I want. (So easy to say, but so very hard to do!)

Anyway, things are slowly getting better – if anything, Travis and I are learning to deal with the situation better, even if Emma is still quite fussy. That’s something!

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