Tag Archives: busyness

Running on full tilt

15 Sep

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These little gals are in our freezer right now.

Which is the reason why my weekend of relaxation didn’t quite turn out how I had hoped. I started Saturday off nice and slow with time in the Word and a cup of coffee. Around 10, I went shopping with my full list of things to buy and plan of attack. After stopping at the pet store, the fabric store, Walmart and the mall, I finally made it home around 3:30. Guess who else made it home then too? Travis.

While I was excited to see him, I was not excited about the reason why he was home so early: he had shot 2 antelope that morning. TWO. Bah!

Luckily, he was exhausted from dragging and butchering them so instead of working on the meat Saturday night, we went out to eat at El Tapatio (where I had the world’s most unappealing taco salad) and then watched Iron Man 2. I had gotten up at 6 am so I fell asleep about halfway through.

Sunday morning, I got up around 7 and got the housewarming present for our friends together (to give to them after church). Then we went to church, came home and ate lunch, and got started on the meat.

Ah, the meat. Travis suggested that I help him cut it up. I told him that cutting it up would make me really not want to eat it. (I’m not a huge fan of antelope meat – which is why I’m not excited about him shooting two of them!) So I stuck to my usual job: vacuum sealing, which is gross enough. Except our vacuum sealer wasn’t working right. After much frustration over not being able to get the bag to seal before stuffing it, and going to Target and Walmart in search of new bags, I then read the directions and discovered I was using the machine wrong. Whoops.

But even after I learned the right way, the machine was struggling. It took forever to suck the air out and then once it sealed the bag, all the air somehow seeped back in so it was sealed, just not vacuum sealed. We weren’t too worried about it because we’re going to thaw it again in a month to grind it up when Travis and his family hopefully shoot an elk (I am a HUGE fan of elk meat).

Anyway, by the time we finished the meat, Travis had to leave for his work trip. I vacuumed the house, then went on a fabulous 6-mile run (running the last 3 miles at a 10:00/mile pace!). By the time I got back and did some strength training, it was 8:30. Time for bed.

So, weekend of relaxation – not so much. It was still good, just not what I had envisioned.

Then this week has been crazy busy – I had dinner with my aunt-in-law on Monday night, had Women’s Book Study Tuesday night, and then last night, I was supposed to go to care group. Except that I got a flu-ish type sickness and had to leave work at 1 pm. So I didn’t go to care group. I laid on the couch from 1:30 on, only getting up to eat the pizza I ordered and trying to sleep in my bed (one of the very few times I couldn’t get to sleep in the middle of the day).

I’m feeling better today but I’m still not 100%. If I didn’t have a crap ton of work to do at work (a blessing and a curse right now), I totally would’ve stayed home. Although I got ridiculously bored yesterday doing nothing. Travis took our laptop with him on his trip and I don’t have the muse to muscle through using our antique desktop. So that’s why I haven’t blogged this week.

The Crescent Moon Sprint Tri is this Saturday. I don’t know right now if I’m going to do it or not. I can’t imagine doing a triathlon while sick is enjoyable. Plus, I get the race sweatshirt either way. 😉

Anyway, life = crazy busy right now. SO READY FOR IT TO SLOW DOWN. Obviously, my body is saying that as well. Bah.

 

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Par for the Course

18 Aug

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Travis and I joined the projection team at church recently as leader/co-leader and fellow projectioneers. (I just made that word up.) Having a responsibility on Sunday morning again (we worked in the toddler room until I took the job with Your Cause Sports in January of 2010) has brought into sharp focus how much church we will be missing over the course of the next month and a half, as well as how uncharacteristically busy we’ve been this summer. When we first moved out to Colorado, we hardly ever had weekend plans. Now, we hardly ever don’t. Since I’ve been reminiscing on everything we’ve done since June and are still planning on doing before November, I thought I’d share it with you.

June 4-5: Boulder Sunrise Sprint Tri

June 11-12: Greeley Sprint Tri (missed church)

June 18-19: Visited our friends, Jon and Chasta, in Divide, Colorado

June 25-26: OPEN WEEKEND! That’s shocking.

July 2-4: Got my butt kicked Backpacked on the Eaglesmere Trail near Silverthorne (missed church)

July 9-10: Ran 5 mile trail run in Evergreen, hosted care group BBQ

July 16-17: Birthday weekend! Dinner, bowling and ice cream Friday; Bike ride from Frisco to Breckenridge, BBQ and Rockies game Saturday

July 23-24: Arrived in Minnesota on Saturday; Day of relaxation Sunday! (missed church)

July 30-31: Cousins wedding on Saturday; Drove back to Colorado on Sunday (missed church)

August 5-7: Care Group camping trip near Twin Lakes, Colorado (missed church)

August 13-14: Helped friends move on Saturday

August 20-21: Warrior Dash at Copper Mountain (will miss church)

August 27-28: Steamboat Springs Olympic Triathlon (will miss church)

September 2-5: Going to visit our good friends, Mark and Sarah Norman, in Charlotte for the first time in FOUR years! (will hopefully go to church with them, but will miss our church)

September 10-11: OPEN WEEKEND! I am going to do NOTHING this weekend (except maybe eat). Travis will be antelope hunting.

September 17-18: Crescent Moon Sprint Tri (and potentially my parents in town)

September 24-25: OPEN WEEKEND! (I think…)

October 1-2: Cousin’s wedding in Minnesota (flying back this time! will miss church)

October 8-9: Denver Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon Relay (will miss church)

October 15-16: Travis’ family in town for elk season (will miss church)

October 27-28: OPEN WEEKEND!

Before we know it, it’ll be November! I am seriously putting my foot down on doing anything in November. I will make absolutely no plans for anything (unless it’s for my mom coming out to visit). I don’t want to go anywhere for Thanksgiving. Heck, I don’t even care if we celebrate. I am SO DONE with being busy, it’s ridiculous.

There are some people who wouldn’t bat an eye at this kind of schedule. And I have to admit that most of this was my own doing (see how many races I have on the calendar – the most I’ve done in a year ever!!) and all of it is fun stuff. But even when we only have something going on one day out of the weekend, the other day is spent catching up on laundry, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, fitting in workouts, and diminishing all the piles of crap that seem to magically accumulate during the week.

I have amazingly not had a meltdown through all of this (I am not a person who has historically handled busyness very well) but I can tell that I’m on the precipice because I keep daydreaming and fantasizing about laying on the couch, pretending to be sick so I don’t have to go to work, cancelling plans with friends, rejecting party invitations, having no social life, and sleeping beautiful 70 degree days away in my swamp-cooled house. The simple truth:

I need a break!!

I am counting down the days (22!!) to my open weekend on September 10-11. It will seriously be awesome.

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I guess it is 60% of the body…

21 Jun

Somehow, over the past month and a half, I have managed to drink at least 64 oz of water a day.

Some days, I even drink 96 oz. That is 3 Nalgenes of water.

For some, this might be normal. They’re probably not having to run to the bathroom every hour having to pee like a mad man. But for me, this is a feat.

Rewind back 18 months to my time at D2S: It’s 2 PM. I’m sitting at my desk, my empty coffee mug long since stowed away in my cubby, my completely full Nalgene still untouched. I happen to glance over and realize I haven’t drank anything since my coffee that AM. So I open my Nalgene, take a few pathetic sips from my straw (knowing that I spill water all over myself without one), but still go home at 5 pm, with an almost-completely full Nalgene. At dinner, I choke down a glass of water. During and after my workout, I stomach another 10 oz.

Total water intake: 20 oz.

So what has changed in the past month and a half?

……I’m thirsty?

Honestly, I don’t know why I enjoy drinking water now. I never really have before. In Minnesota, it wasn’t a huge deal that I didn’t drink a ton of water because it’s so humid. Ever since we moved out to extremely dry Colorado in 2007, I have regularly endured headaches from being dehydrated. But even those headaches were not enough incentive for me to start drinking more water. I just couldn’t do it.

Obviously, since I brought a Nalgene with me to work every day, I had the best of intentions. I wanted to drink water in theory. But to drink that water, I had to force myself to do it because I never felt thirsty. Never. Ok, maybe for the 30-60 minutes I worked out a day. But seriously, the minute I was done exercising, my thirst was gone. I could be out on a 5-mile run in 95 degree heat, having fantasies of an ice cold glass of water and hardly wait to get home. Once I finally have that clear glass of deliciousness in my hands, my mouth full of anticipation, I take a drink and… eh. Do I really have to drink this? I pour out my glass of water and drink a glass of milk instead.

While I can’t pinpoint it is all of a sudden enjoyable for me to drink an entire 32 oz before 10 AM, I can pinpoint a wonderful side effect of my new love affair: energy.

For many months, I had come to the conclusion that I just had less energy than most people. Travis would get up at 3 AM on a Saturday to go fishing or duck hunting, come back around noon, and instead of taking a nap like I expected him to, he’d mow the grass, change the oil on both cars, clean out the gutters, work on his assemble-yourself muzzleloader, and do whatever else he does out in the garage. I, on the other hand, would roll out of bed at 9 AM, have a cup of coffee and breakfast while reading the Bible and a book, then lay around all day watching TV, possibly prying myself up long enough to take the dogs on a walk. I thought about doing productive things, like printing those vacation pictures I’d been meaning to, or vacuuming up the massive clumps of dog hair in the kitchen and bathroom – but I just felt so tired.

I had heard that lethargy can be a result of dehydration. I am living, walking proof that that statement is true. I cannot believe the amount of energy I have now, compared to then. When we went camping over Memorial Day, I felt that familiar lethargic feeling when we got to our campsite and were setting up our tent. After a moment of self-pity (and a nap), I decided to drink some water. And it worked. That feeling went away and I felt great for the rest of the trip.

I’m convinced that this is why I, a person who does not like being busy, have been able to handle constant busyness over the past couple of months with minimal breakdowns. It is so much easier to handle being busy when you have energy! It’s AMAZING!!!! Just kidding. But seriously.

Another thing that helps me handle constant busyness is having a routine. That was one of the hardest things about my job last year when I was traveling and working from home – no two weeks were alike. Things were constantly changing so I could never get into a routine. I like routines because I love being organized and it helps me to ensure that everything that really needs to get done in a day gets done. If I have extra time, sahweet!

Now that I’m back in a regular 9-to-5, I am getting my routine down:

Daily Routine

5:00 am – Get up.

5:15 – Train.

6:30 – Shower, do makeup, get dressed.

7:15 – Make lunch for me, snack for Travis. Brew coffee.

7:40 – Eat breakfast while reading the Bible.

8:20 – Leave for work.

9:00 – Work (aka read blogs, surf the net, log workouts, etc).

5:00 pm – Leave work.

5:35 – Get home and make dinner. Eat dinner.

6:30 – Take dogs on a walk.

7:30 – Get workout clothes ready for next day.

7:45 – Watch TV with Travis or read a book.

9:00 – Lights out.

My weekly routine has become to go grocery shopping on Sunday and do laundry/clean the house on Monday (my rest day). It’s working so far.

Have you noticed your water intake affect your energy level? Do you like to have a daily/weekly routine or wing it?

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Maintaining the Balance.

14 Jun

When I trained for my first triathlon back in 2009, I went all in. In addition to three workouts of each discipline a week, I was doing two days of full-body strength training. I still remember one night when I did a workout consisting of: 6 mile bike, 2 mile run, 6 mile bike, 2 mile run. While it got me into great shape and I was running faster than ever before, after that race was over, I realized that it was just too much.

I had started making frozen pizzas and macaroni and cheese for dinner, stopped cleaning my house and reading books, and felt exhausted constantly. So I cut my training back to two of each discipline a week and no weight training. It was amazing the difference it made in my energy levels, specifically dropping the weight training. I was slower in my second triathlon but I had recovered my life and my sanity.

So that’s where my philosophy of endurance training comes from. I am not willing to sacrifice my life just to be a little faster. I need time to relax. I want to eat homemade meals. I like a clean house. I want to spend time with my husband and pooches. I need time with God every day.

But I also realize that with a longer distance comes longer training times. If I want to race an Olympic distance, I have to train for one.

Like almost everything in life, there must be a balance.

After thinking about this quite a bit over the past couple of weeks and getting Travis’ blessing for me to spend more hours training (I want to make sure that my training isn’t going to be a sore spot in our marriage), I have decided to commit to training for the longer distance – with a caveat: I have to keep my priorities straight.

And those priorities (in order) are:

1. God (daily time in the Word, prayer)

2. Husband

3. Church / Fellowship

4. Job

5. Taking care of our dogs

6. Taking care of my home (cooking, cleaning, laundry)

7. Triathlon training

At times, I have felt guilty for spending so much time training. Should I spend this time helping others? Being less selfish? Should I give the money that I spend on race fees to homeless kids in Africa? That’s my never-good-enough fears kicking in. But I believe that God has given me my love and passion for endurance sports and that when people do things that they thoroughly enjoy, they showcase the glory of God because they are living according to how they were created. So I do believe that I can glorify God and train for triathlons.

But like I said earlier, there must be a balance. That balance can be summed up in two words: God first.

As I discovered earlier this year when I was unemployed, walking in fellowship with God makes all the other things in life fall into their proper places and gives everything the balance its supposed to have. Since I started back to work full-time, I have been letting training usurp my time with God. And I noticed things unraveling. I was dealing with the same problems I had been dealing with a year ago; struggling with materialism, jealousy, and anger; and feeling far from God.

No more!

I am committing to a daily 30 minutes (at least) with God and if I have to skip a workout to make that happen, so be it. Triathlons are transient; God is eternal.

Practically, I am planning my daily time with God to be in the morning, when I am most alert and in need of a reminder of eternity. I think I will still be able to fit in my whole workout (when I’m just doing one discipline) or part of my workout (when I’m doing more than one) in the morning as well. But I might be switching to night workouts anyway because Travis has agreed to do a triathlon! We haven’t decided on a race yet but it will be in August or September. I’m very excited to be able to share this passion of mine with him and to have a new training partner!

I am also going to start listening to sermons and worship music while I run and bike. I used to do this all the time but lately have been listening to Lady Gaga instead (total extremes, huh?).

I am planning on giving a training update every Monday (so that I don’t inundate this blog with training updates) and while I’m doing that, I’m also going to give a spiritual update. How is my relationship with God? Am I growing in being a servant to others and being a light in the workplace? Or am I sliding easily into worldliness, thinking only of new clothes, fitness goals, and vanity? Working in a secular environment is definitely a challenge – to both keep myself from being pulled into the worldly mentality of expensive things, big houses and nice cars as well as be bold in sharing the truth of the gospel. But I have found that its much easier to rise to that challenge when I’m reminding myself of truth daily by reading the Bible.

So that’s my training (and life) philosophy. We’ll see if I can handle the Olympic time commitment!

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A very present help in trouble.

9 Jun

The past two months (since April 8, the day we got Charlie) have been a blur. As a person who does not handle busyness well but who has been ridiculously busy (in my book), I have been pleasantly surprised more than once that I have only had 1 or 2 meltdowns. That, my friends, is a new record.

I have not handled every situation well. I have yelled, cried, slapped, whined, slandered, complained, pitied, and doubted God. All of which Satan pounced on to make me feel like a horrible person who deserved nothing but a swift kick to the head.

Then I stumbled across Psalm 46 one morning (after having searched for the verse the previous morning and not been able to find it):

God is our refuge and strength, 

a very present help in trouble.

Therefore, we will not fear though the earth gives way,

though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

though it waters roar and foam,

though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

This was exactly what I had needed – and wanted – to hear. The storms of life aren’t evidence that God doesn’t love or care about me. “Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” God has been teaching me in this season of life how to weather storms with Him instead of apart from Him. Clinging to the truth of His love for me, instead of believing lies like “God doesn’t care about what’s happening to me” and “He won’t help me with this; I have to do it myself.”

To make this hit home even a little more, I rewrote that passage of Psalm 46 in my own words:

  • God is my refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

Therefore I will not fear though all order breaks loose,

though everything I do immediately gets undone,

though I am overwhelmed and underequipped,

though my sanity is upheld by the tiniest thread.

  • God is my refuge and strength,

a very present help with dogs who are trouble.

Therefore I will not fear though I cannot tame them,

though they do not listen to my commands,

though they destroy my home and possessions,

though they try my patience to its breaking point.

  • God is my refuge and strength,

a very present help in trials.

Therefore I will not despair though I feel condemned by my sin,

though I feel insufficient and worthless,

though I am accused of not being enough,

though my flesh is weak and my heart fails me.

No matter what life or Satan or my own stupid fault throws at me, I have hope because “This I know, that God is for me.”

Another rewording of mine, from Psalms 46 and 70:

The river of grace is a constant stream.

It makes glad the dwelling of God,

the holy habitation of the Most High.

God lives within her; she shall not give up.

God will help her when she needs it.

Though she is poor and needy,

God will hasten to her rescue.

He only is her help and her deliverer;

He will not delay!

[Note: I have also done a little housekeeping on  my blog – I updated my About Me page, added information about My Racing Career, and finally redid my Blogroll so that it reflects the blog I actually read! If you think I’d enjoy your blog and don’t see it listed on the bottom right, give me a shout out!]

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Goodbye reading goal?

23 May

This weekend was extremely productive. For some reason, I have started waking up without an alarm clock. I still set it because I’m very wary of this alertness before the crack of dawn. So after going to bed at 10:30 on Friday night (because I was absolutely exhausted), I woke up at 7:15 on Saturday. After watching the morning news, getting in the Word, eating breakfast, and waking Travis up for our bike ride in Boulder, I gave both pooches a bath and dyed my hair. (I used the new Clairol Nice ‘n’ Easy Foam color – it was very easy to use and I really liked how my hair turned out… except that it’s almost the same color it was before I dyed it.)

Then came our bike ride in Boulder – 17 miles around the Boulder Reservoir. I’m very proud of my husband for surviving it, considering he hasn’t ridden a bike in a couple of years. And I was very pleased with our time: 16.73 miles in 1:04. I’ll ride faster during the race because I was purposefully riding slower than I would have for my husband, who was riding an old mountain bike. So not only was he not in biking shape, he was riding a heavy, knobby-tired hunk of metal. Isn’t he the sweetest for coming with me?

After our bike ride, we ate lunch at Harpo’s Sports Grill (we had a gift cert), then went home where Travis mowed the lawn and I went to pick up my prescription (and a few other non-essentials) at Walmart. Travis had suggested I buy him a gun safe as an anniversary present so we went to Gander Mountain for that, and then to the liquor store for tequila so we could make frozen margaritas with our new full-size blender (Travis’ present to me). Mmmm…. margaritas.

On Sunday, I got up at 6:30 to run 5 miles, then we went to church, REI, and then the nursery to buy plants for our vegetable garden. After planting and fencing off our vegetable garden (no pooches allowed!), I went to the grocery store, finished doing laundry, and went to bed at 9:45. Whew!

One unfortunate side effect of this busyness, however, is that my reading has plummeted to being almost non-existent. In the past month and a half, I haven’t finished a single book. I’ve read maybe a grand total of 30 pages. Sad day. Part of the reason for my hiatus has been that reading mentally stimulating books when I have a thousand things going on just isn’t possible. I can’t engage with the book. Instead, I end up either reading the same paragraph over and over or reading several pages only to realize I’m completely lost. The other part of the reason is that it just isn’t a priority right now — and it’s not going to be until life slows down a bit. What happened to the days and nights on end of having nothing to do? Oh wait, they all got channeled into my time at work.

It doesn’t look like it’s going to better any time soon either. This coming weekend, we’re camping and while I might be able to fit some reading time in while Travis is fishing, it will be minimal. The weekend after that is my first sprint triathlon, the Boulder Sunrise; the weekend after that is the Greeley Sprint Triathlon; the weekend after that, we’re going to visit friends down in Divide, CO; and the weekend after that, we might have a barbeque at our house. There is some downtime in there and I am for sure going to need some rest after doing back-to-back triathlons – but it’ll probably come mostly in the form of naps. I am really looking forward to a weekend with nothing we *have* to do (if it ever comes…) so that I can sit down with a book and relax.

I do feel God’s blessing in the midst of this busy season, though. Having learned that I am only called to be faithful in doing what God has assigned to me for the day and leaving the rest to Him has given me unexpected energy when I feel like I should be dead tired, overwhelmed, and mopey. Instead, I have excitement, enjoyment, and hope. In fact, I actually enjoyed digging in the dirt yesterday to plant our garden. I am very excited to see the plants grow and produce fruit (I’ll post pics and more info later). It makes me feel like I’m really taking advantage of God’s bounty and joy in creation. Plus, I love fruits and vegetables!

All that say, whereas I had been contemplating the goal of reading 50 books in a year (the past several years, I’ve only averaged 25 or so), that goal may have to be sacrificed for some peace and sanity. Goals are just a means of achieving what you really desire and value. They are not ultimate. God, and the joy found in Christ, are.

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My Sure and Steadfast Anchor.

12 May

I have been MIA from the blogging world because life has exploded. I started my new job, our dogs are misbehaving left and right, people are having babies, getting married, and graduating from high school, and I’m training for a triathlon, cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning, gardening, etc. I’m taking it one day at a time.

My spiritual life has been suffering the most. I’ve been trying to work out a flow to my mornings so that I can both train and get in the Word. I’m starting to think that getting in the Word at lunch might be more realistic but I would prefer the morning. So I’m still experimenting (getting up at 5 am is hard after being unemployed!). Combine my inconsistency with the Word with having a new job and daily schedule and I feel like I’m living in a twilight zone.

This happened to me when I started my job for the triathlon company last year and it wore off after a few weeks, so I’m not too worried. But I miss God! I just feel spiritually distant, as if God isn’t relevant or intimate in this new realm I’m living in.

Today during lunch, I sat down at my computer with my small, waterlogged Bible that Travis took to Ghana and this is what came out:

In the midst of chaos

I know God is still there

But I’m lost in transience

Unhinged from reality

Trying to run to Truth

With my heart as the hurdle

 

What happened to my grip on eternity,

My basking in forever,

My praise of the Glorious One

This earth doesn’t know?

 

My only comfort is You

A Rock of strength in a heart of quicksand

You uphold me when I’m lost at sea

All my driftings are charted

On Your map

And You’ll lead me home again

Someday

For You have prepared me

For this very thing

Guaranteed.

 

I didn’t take the time to edit it much so it’s pretty raw and I haven’t written a poem in years — poetry is the way I express my heart when there aren’t sufficient words for how I feel. So that’s where I am right now. I am so thankful that, like Matt Redman writes in his song How Great is Your Faithfulness,:

Everything changes, but You stay the same
Your word and kingdom endure
We lean on the promise of all that You are
And trust forevermore
We will trust forevermore
 
Hopefully one of these days I’ll have time for a longer post!

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When it rains, it pours.

20 Apr

The past week and a half have been ridiculously busy. Mostly because we got a new dog who isn’t completely potty-trained but also partly because I have had dinner dates, church functions, and job interviews to attend.

Without going into all of the boring details, I will just say that there have been several days with things that have gone wrong, taken forever, been frustrating, or days that just seem so jam-packed with stuff to do that I don’t see how it will all get done. When I am not being anxious or angry, I am actually sort of excited about all the stuff going on, the trials, the challenges, and the anxiety because it has allowed me to put my theories about the Christian life and walking with God to the test. Kind of like, how do they withstand trials and struggles?

Well, I’m happy to say that the truths are true. They’re just impossible for me to practically follow. It’s amazing how in the times when everything is going fairly smoothly and I’m happy and peaceful, trusting in God seems easy and I feel like I am actually doing it. But when the road gets rough and things start to fall apart, that’s when I stop trusting God. The times when I need God most are the times that I turn from Him. Does that make ANY sense at all?

This is what I wrote in my journal this past Sunday morning: “I’ve been saying lately that the Christian life is simple and yet impossible. Trusting God for everything–validation, security, comfort, provision, identity, etc.–is where we find joy and peace, yet it is the hardest thing for humans to do!

“Upon first thought, it seemed like God had designed us to be completely incapable of being good and relying upon Him, even though the result was more sin on our part. Is God more concerned with our reliance upon Him than our sanctification? Verses like 1 Thess. 4:3 seemed to contradict that.

“Then I thought of Jesus, who was holy and perfectly dependent on the Father. So reliance on God is God’s way of sanctifying us. It is only as we rely on God that we become holy. Relying on God and being sanctified are one in the same thing.

“All of our sins are failures to rely on God–to find everything we desire and long for in Him.”

The Christian life is really so simple. We walk through every day in communion with God as we trust His sovereignty and wisdom, His goodness to us in all circumstances, and accept everything from His hand. But that is definitely easier said than done!

Last Thursday morning, I was at my breaking point. Charlie had peed inside the house AGAIN, I was frustrated and impatient with her constant need for attention and decision to get up at 6 am every morning, I had another interview that afternoon (which I was dreaded since the one I had had on Tuesday went horribly), and I had another full day ahead of me. I felt pulled in a hundred different directions, with no time for me or rest or reading or fun. I was ready to blow a gasket and was wondering, “Didn’t God say that He provided grace in the time of need? Well, I need grace. I’m asking for grace. But I don’t feel Him providing it because I am just barely making it through today.”

During my coffee time with my friend Cathy, I asked her what God’s practical provision of grace looks like. I explained to her my situation and on the verge of tears, told her that I didn’t feel God’s grace because I just wanted to crawl back into bed every morning. She told me that just the fact that I haven’t thrown in the towel, haven’t crawled back into bed and abandoned my responsibility is God’s strength to me. Just like in exercise, we have to burden our bodies with almost more than we think we can handle in order to grow stronger. You don’t grow stronger by lifting manageable weights.

As soon as she said that, the tears started falling. I felt God saying to me, “I am growing you through this.” I felt burdened beyond my strength but I hadn’t given up. The next day, I read this in Elisabeth Elliot’s Keep a Quiet Heart from Lamentations 3, “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.” I am humbled once again by how quick I am to accuse God of abandoning me when He has been carrying me through the trials of my life.

As much as I have struggled with being busy, I do see the Lord’s mercies to me in this season. I just found out yesterday that I got a job as a Marketing Communications Copy Editor! (Praise the Lord for His provision!) So those early mornings with Charlie? Preparation for going back to work. Having a lot to accomplish in one day? Preparation for having a full-time job again. God is slowly easing me back into the working world, one trial at a time.

I am so utterly grateful to God that even though I continue to doubt Him and question His ways, He continues to give me grace, insight, and understanding sufficient to continue on in faith. My impatience and anger with my dogs this past week have stood in stark contrast to God’s infinite faithfulness, patience, long-suffering, and love toward me. I am so humbled.

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Organizing freedom

22 Feb

A couple weeks ago, I realized that even though I have full days of freedom with nothing that I have to do, and even though I’ve been staying busy with writing, doing errands and chores, reading, and meeting friends for lunch and coffee, my whole volunteering-as-an-editor gig was collecting dust and I had fallen woefully behind on applying for jobs, causing me to apply for a record 15 jobs in one week.

So I decided to organize my freedom by creating a Weekly Schedule. Here ’tis:

Sunday – Free Day

Monday – Study/reading, Household Chores (laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning), Editing curriculum (volunteer gig)

Tuesday – Work on book

Wednesday – Apply for jobs, Freelance writing

Thursday – Coffee with Cathy, Editing curriculum

Friday – Work on book

Saturday – Study/reading

At first, I was pessimistic about my ambitions – since when have I ever been known to follow a schedule like this? I enjoy creating them and fantasizing about my organized schedule but the tedium of follow-through swiftly kills my eagerness. But amazingly, I have actually followed my schedule since I created a week ago. Woohoo! And I do feel so much more organized. Moreover, I have now spent 2 days editing curriculum and finished one whole workbook. Another woohoo!

In addition to my Weekly Schedule, I also created an Exercise Schedule. Normally, I have no problem finding motivation to work out because I honestly enjoy it and love the way I feel afterward. I’m also often training for a race, which is motivation in itself, since I don’t want to go make a fool of myself or suffer through something that could be easy (or at least easier).

But lately, I’ve been enjoying reading and writing so much that it’s been hard to tear myself away long enough to work out. Adding to that, I’m not training for a race (yet), I had been waiting to work out at night with Travis (bad idea), and I’ve been eating cookies of all kinds like it’s my job. So I had been averaging about 3 days a week, instead of my normal 5-6. Unacceptable.

Enter my Exercise Schedule.

Sunday – OFF

Monday – Yoga class

Tuesday – Swim

Wednesday – Run

Thursday – Yoga class

Friday – Bike

Saturday – Free Day (meaning I can do whatever exercise I want)

I think it’s a pretty good little schedule. The yoga classes provide flexibility and strength training and then I’m doing one workout of each triathlon discipline, plus a “fun” day.

However, my stupid little foot has thrown a wrench in my plan. I think it started in yoga, when I noticed that in Warrior 1 and Warrior 2 on the left side, my right ankle collapses to the outside, causing it to get sore and achy. Then I went on two runs outside after a couple month hiatus, which was perhaps a little too ambitious. During my 2nd run, the outside of my right foot started to hurt and ever the idiot, I decided to try to run through it. Bad idea. After a mile and a half, I had to walk and my foot has hurt ever since (about 6 days now). Since I thought yoga would aggravate it, I have skipped the past 2 classes, in hopes that it would get better. But even taking Katy on a 20-minute walk makes it hurt. Poop! So I’m out of running commission for sure, and possibly yoga too. The elliptical is still fine (if I position my foot right) and swimming is totally fine. Maybe I should create a revised Exercise Schedule for the time being… 😉

Anyway, those are my latest attempts at organizing my days of freedom.

 

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Construing days of rest

13 Feb

I like the idea of a Sabbath. Taking time to relax, recharge, read and spend time with family is always a good idea. I’ve tried in the past to observe a Sabbath – I once had the idea of a Silent Sunday, during which I didn’t listen to the radio, watch TV, or do anything on the computer. In essence, unplugging. It was a great idea, one I would still be inclined to do if it weren’t for having a little something called a husband. He was not jumping on the bandwagon of my idea so the notion fell by the wayside.

Other times, I have been just plain lazy on Sundays – taking a nap, reading, watching TV, pretending to think about exercising but never really planning on doing so.

But I wouldn’t say I’ve ever been really that intentional about setting aside a day for rest.

Maybe it’s because by my very nature, I already take plenty of time to relax. I need to relax or I’ll implode. Taking one more day for rest would seem like overkill. I guess now, with my current state of unemployment, I’ve practically got a season of Sabbath on my hands.

It’s kind of like date nights for me and Travis. I definitely see the value of them for couples who have kids but for me and Travis, who see each other every day and night, and spend a lot of evenings just the 2 of us, they seem somewhat superfluous. Why plan a specific night to hang out when we spend every night together?

I am not a person who can handle go-go-go. I can be busy for a couple of days in a row before I need a breather. Ideally, there would be a constant balance: busyness in the morning, then rest in the afternoon, and a casual evening. Here’s a sample Saturday: getting in the Word when I get up, going on a 3-mile run, attending a baby shower in the morning, stopping by the bank and grocery store on my way home, lying on the couch with a good book, taking a 30-45 minute nap, making a delicious dinner with Travis, having a glass of wine, and watching a movie from Redbox. I do also enjoy relaxing in the morning, then being busy at night but I much prefer to enjoying my relaxation time after getting productivity out of the way.

Today, as I was painting our new front door, I was thinking about the whole idea of a Sabbath. The Bible talks about there being 6 days for work and 1 day for rest. Yesterday, Travis and I bummed around on the couch all day, watching movies, doing crosswords, eating cookies. Then today, we decided to paint our front door and finish a windowsill. Isn’t that kind of backwards? Shouldn’t we have done the whole door/window thing yesterday and then used today to be bumcakes, as we say?

But I feel like doing more work on a Saturday, after a long week of work (or non-work in my case, which is surprisingly exhausting), is asking a lot. Usually by that time, all I have the energy for is reading a magazine or doing the previous Monday’s crossword (the day they’re the easiest). But Travis, on the other hand, is often freakishly productive on Saturdays. Especially the days he goes duck hunting or flyfishing. He gets up at the awful hour of 3 am, hunts or fishes for 8 or 9 hours, gets home around noon, and then instead of taking a nap like I expect him to, he gets to work cleaning up the garage, putting in windows, vacuuming out cars, and changing the oil. No matter what I’m doing those days, I always feel like a slacker compared to him.

I think I just have a lower level of energy than most people. Sometimes even just thinking about what Travis accomplishes in a day exhausts me and I’m ready for a nap. All I know is that I’m too tired by Friday night to wait for a Sabbath on Sunday. I need time to rest on Saturday.

What about you? Do you use Sunday as a Sabbath, some other day, or do you do something else altogether?

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