Tag Archives: friends

Am I a big hypocrite?

17 Oct

When I was in college, Facebook became the rage. Now there’s myspace too and a bunch of other social networks like Friendster and what-have-you. But back in 2005 and 2006, Facebook was the top dawg.

Almost all of my friends had it. They had their profiles and their friends and spent hours and hours of time on Facebook, reading about other people’s lives without actually talking to them at all. It was possible to know everything about a person–what they did every day, what bands they liked, who they were dating, etc–without actually ever talking to them!

I have yet to meet a person (besides my husband) who has a Facebook account and hasn’t gotten sucked in to spending hours a day on it. Plenty of my close friends in college even admitted to the fact that Facebook was/is addicting.

Which is why I steered clear of Facebook and all its social network relatives. I never signed up for it, despite the fact that many people pressured me to join. “You should get Facebook,” they’d say. “Um, how about you just call and talk to me to find out what I’m up to? Unless you really don’t care about ME, you care about seeing what I’m DOING…which would just be weird.” 

To be honest, I’m still kind of proud of the fact that I’ve never had a Facebook page. People of my kind are few and far between. Seems like everyone and their grandma has fallen prey to the social networking phenomenon.

Anyway…

So I have found recently that many of my good friends from back home have started blogs. This is so excited for me, as a member of the blogging world as well. I love reading about what my old friends are up to and the struggles/joys they’re going through. It’s fun seeing pictures of them, their family, and their activities.

As I was pondering this after finding my friend Katie‘s blog today, it hit me: am I now a Facebooker without having Facebook? The whole reason why I despised Facebook (and sinfully/playfully felt myself superior to those who had it) was because of the “Look at me, look at me” and peeping tom-NESS. But now, I am reading about people’s lives and not calling them. What’s happening to me?!?!?!?

I could defend myself by saying I only read my friends-in-real-life’s blogs… But I don’t.

I could defend myself by saying I actually talk to the people whose blogs I read… But I don’t.

But I can defend myself by saying that I don’t know what their favorite bands are or what their favorite life quote is. And no one can poke me or write on my wall in my blog!!

Although, they can comment on my posts…

What do you think? Is blogging like Facebook, in that I am being a sorta-kinda-peeping tom?

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Catching up

2 Jul

Today was another long day at work. There’s not a whole lot to do, it’s a 4-day week, we leave for vacation next week, and I’m tired as all get-out. Needless to say, I wasn’t the most productive worker bee today. I even jet out 20 minutes early because I couldn’t take anymore. I’ll just work a little longer tomorrow. It is a blessing to have such a flexible job!

So now to update my blog with everything I’ve been up to. Mark and Sarah Norman were out here to visit us this past week. They got in the night of Tuesday 6/24 and left the morning of Tuesday 7/1. It was SO much fun having them out here! We did a lot of talking and had a lot of late nights and early mornings…but it was so worth it.

Wednesday night, Travis and I had care group and the Normans went up to Rocky Mountain National Park but they came back that night and stayed at our apartment. (It’s very cozy with 4 people in it!!) Thursday night, we grilled out in the park near our apartment and got to see the Happy Thursday parade of drunken people decked out in pink tutus and knee-high, black, patent leather boots. We also went and watched Trav’s hockey game (that started at 10:15!).

Friday, Trav and I got off work around 1:00 and we all headed up to Guenella Pass near Georgetown, where we were going to camp for the weekend. I took a nap on Friday while the boys gathered and chopped up firewood. We ate brats and baked beans and sat by the fire for a while and then went to bed. Saturday, I slept in to about 8 (everyone else got up around 9, which gave me a chance to get in the Word), we ate some pancakes for breakfast, and set off for the trail. We climbed Square Top Mountain, which is almost a 14er at 13,900 ft. We got going a little later than we had planned (not good with the changing weather up there) and the hike was a lot harder than we had planned (see pictures of it here) so we only made it to about 13,500 but the view was still gorgeous (and it was still a crazy good workout!)

After our hike, we drove around and ended up at a country store on another highway, where we bought ice cream. I had a good ole classic ice cream sandwich. Yum! It tasted really good after our hike. We drove back to camp, played some Catch Phrase, ate ravioli and corn on the cob, and sat around the campfire some more. Then we went to bed around 10:00.

Sunday night/morning, I could barely sleep because I was so cold. And I had to pee really bad. So around 5:30 AM, I forced myself out of my sleeping bag to the bathroom (an outhouse at our campground). As I was walking back to our campsite, I noticed that the sun was coming up. Not being that tired and really not wanting to go back to bed to freeze my ars off some more, I decided to stay up and watch the sunrise. I poked Travis and asked if he wanted to come. All he groaned was “I’m so tired…” So I went all by myself. I took the Pathfinder up to the trailhead where I knew I’d have a good view and watched the sun rise as I spent time in the Word. After reading a little longer, I started getting sleepy again and it was only 7:00 AM so I drove back to the campground and got back in my sleeping bag for some not-so-restful barely-asleep sleep.

Finally, around 8:30, it was time to get up. Yay! We drank some coffee, ate some oatmeal, packed up camp, loaded our car, and drove up to the Silver Dollar Lake trailhead. It was a very enjoyable hike, albeit a little more challenging that I had remembered. I guess I was so concerned with all the snow last time that I didn’t realize it was mostly uphill to the lake. This time, we actually climbed past Silver Dollar Lake to one farther up the mountain. On the way back down, we slid down the snow again on our shoes–very fun. Makes the hike totally worth it in and of itself.

Our hike made us all completely famished so we stopped at Beau Jo’s in Idaho Springs on the way back for some Colorado cooking. We gorged ourselves on some heavy-duty nachos and a 3-lb Mountain Pie with Italian sausage, sun-dried tomatoes, and basil pesto sauce. Delish. The rest of Sunday was spent doing laundry and taking it easy.

Monday night, we ate out at Jackson’s Sports Grill in downtown Denver and then went to a Rockies baseball game, which is always fun. Then Tuesday morning, it was time for Mark and Sarah to leave. I got up at 4:00 AM so that I would have time to get ready and wouldn’t be in the bathroom when everyone else wanted to use it. Needless to say, I took a 2-hour nap after work yesterday. And I’m just about to go to bed right now… Yes, it’s 6:40 PM. But I forced myself to work out the minute I got home (even though I was yawning like crazy while lifting weights!) so that I could relax and fall asleep reading later on…like right now. Adios muchacho.

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Loneliness and Isolation

5 May

So Travis and I had a couple of long, good talks yesterday about how sad, lonely, and isolated we’re feeling out here in Colorado. We haven’t talked to our friends from back home since we saw them in MN at the beginning of March. No, we haven’t called them but phones work 2 ways–and they haven’t called us either. Add to that, the last couple of times we’ve talked to them, it has been us calling them. I can’t remember the last time they called me to talk.

We didn’t spend any time with people from church or work this weekend since we were up in Fort Collins for the race. Travis was feeling bummed because there are times when it feels like we don’t hang out with anyone outside of work. He’s discouraged with his mens’ group because he really wants to get to know them and share his life with them but he’s limited by where we live (20 miles away from all of them) and by how it seems that they all know each other already and Travis is an outsider.

I really enjoy my womens’ group and we have some good discussions and the vulnerability is growing. But outside of that group, I feel like those women don’t have a very big interest in hanging out with me. Some of them are 10-15 years older than I am so it’s hard to get together for coffee or even to relate to each other.

But alas, all these are excuses and rationalizations for the hard, cold truth: it’s hard being out here. It’s hard to be in between friend circles–we don’t feel like we have close friends back home anymore (hard to be close when you no longer share anything in common) and we don’t feel like we have close friends out here.

There are times when I get jealous of the married couples who I know are still living in Minneapolis around all their friends, who can go over to their houses and enjoy deep, meaningful friendship. Compared to our life out in Colorado, I can’t imagine that their lives are anything but easy (even though I know that’s not true). Friends do so much for your spirits and joy. And it seems like life would be so much easier with friends.

There are times when I think about moving back to Minnesota. But I believe that God has led us out here for a purpose and that my going back would be my fleshly response to this trial and not my following the Lord in faith.

I have been kind of half-hoping for a struggle like this that will push me to the Lord and cause me to need to seek Him and His comfort daily. So I am taking this struggle and running to the Lord with it. Praying for deep friendships out here in Colorado. Praying that God would reveal how He is my ultimate friend and fulfills every longing I have–even this desire to be known and cared for. God knows me and cares for me. Travis and I must cling to that hope and reassurance in this time of loneliness.

But some good news: Travis and I have been so in love lately. The Lord has been so faithful and good to us in our marriage for the past 2-3 weeks. My enjoyment of Travis and desire to be close to him–both emotionally and physically–has skyrocketed. I love my husband. I love my Lord.

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Perfect Saturday

2 Mar

Travis and I had a fantastic Saturday yesterday. It was the best day I’ve had in a while.

The morning started a little rough because we got into a tense conversation regarding money (never fails). But once we got through that, it was a great day. We went out to breakfast at Einstein Bros. (where I ate a egg/sausage/cheese bagel sandwich containing approx. 720 calories–seriously, eating out at restaurants is sooo frustrating!) The sandwich was delish though.

Then we went hiking with our friends Paul and Carrie and their 13-month old, Ruby. We hiked almost to the top of Flatiron #2 but the snow and icy conditions (and the fact that Paul was carrying a baby on his back) prevented us from summiting. It was a good hike anyway!

Some more friends, Brandon and Reina, met us at the park and we all had lunch together (Travis and I just ate some chips because we hadn’t brought food and had just eaten breakfast). Paul and Travis threw the frisbee around some and Carrie and I walked Ruby over to the playground.

Travis and I then went to Gateway Park in north Boulder to go mini-golfing. Since neither of us have played for over a year, the first couple holes were a little rough. We got our groove down on by about hole 3. (But he still beat me by 6 strokes). We also did the batting cages, me with slow softball pitches, Travis with fast baseball ones. I actually hit every ball out of 20 except one. I was so proud of myself! My forearms and back are sore today. Interesting how you can be in decent shape but do something that works different muscles and still get sore. My calves are a little sore too from hiking.

After that, Travis and I walked around Pearl Street, looking at the shops but not going in (I hate shopping with no money. It’s like going to a restaurant and not eating.) We ate dinner at the Boulder Cafe. I had a glass of white zin (my favorite wine–and always the cheapest) and a goat cheese salad. I didn’t know if I would like goat cheese but I LOVED it! I want to go to the store right now and buy some. Anyway, the salad was spinach, pine nuts, tomatoes, and balsamic vinegarette with flatbread covered in goat cheese. Mmmmm… Travis had 2 beers (Twisted Pine) and a double-cheeseburger with french fries (our meals couldn’t have been more different).

After we ate dinner, we rented American Gangster and watched it at home. It was an interesting movie but not as gang-bang in-your-face as we had expected it to be. (That’s fine with me.)

Anyway, after a long string of Saturdays in which I did nothing much (except maybe exercise, read, and play games at night), this Saturday was a breath of fresh air. And you can’t beat 70 degrees in Colorado. Perfect.

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A heavenly country

20 Feb

Everyone has their own interpretation of heaven. Some people think that it’s an endless expanse of sky with white puffy clouds and nothing to do but play harps and eat Philadelphia cream cheese. Others think that heaven doesn’t exist at all. Once you leave earth, there’s nothing. Or maybe they think that heaven is part of earth, like the white sandy beaches of the Cayman Islands. Some people might think heaven is whatever you loved on earth all together in one place, like in the movie What Dreams May Come.

But for Christians, it’s none of those things. Instead, it’s a city where the streets are gold and there are no lamps and no sun; nevertheless, it is always day because the light of the Lamb reaches to all places. It’s the presence of God, intimate and forever. It’s no longer having sinful flesh but rather, gloriously resurrected bodies. It is perfection beyond any human expectation or imagination.

That’s what I have to look forward to. That’s what makes my life here on earth worth living and indeed, worth enduring. Even though my daily troubles seem puny compared to the human suffering I hear and read about–like just tonight, I read about female genital mutilation in countless third world countries–my life wouldn’t be worth living if I didn’t have such an end. I am always confounded by those who don’t believe that anything happens when we die. My roommate in college believed that. What do we have to live for if there is nothing after this life?

Moreover, if the glorious new earth described in the book of Revelations is not true, and if Jesus Christ did not die and rise again for the forgiveness of sins, we who are Christians have nothing to live for either. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15: “…if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins.” Christians–and I believe all people–need something to live for beyond this life. For “…If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people to be pitied,” because this life is hard and messy.

I have felt that truth about life living out in Colorado. I love my job and the people we’ve met and I’m with my wonderful husband. So I have a lot to be thankful for. But I miss my friends more than anything. Humans were made for community. Not just Christians but humans in general. I believe that God designed us to need each other. So leaving behind my very best friends has been very hard.

I feel at times like Travis and I are going through life alone, just the two of us vs. the Great Big World. It may be because when we became Christians 4 years ago, the first Body of believers we plugged into was a group fully bought into the value of discipleship. We had the importance of one-on-ones and intentional relationships drummed into our heads day after day. And I loved it. I loved being in a discipleship group and meeting once a week with a group of my girlfriends. We talked about boys, bodily functions, random things, and the Bible. We related our insecurities, our longings, our struggles, our joys and successes. I felt so close to those girls, not only because we shared the bond of the Spirit but because they bared their hearts to me and I to them.

But out here, I have not found this. I have met some great women through our church that I am excited to get to know. But it seems that the potential of that deep relationship forming is small when we only get together once every other week and everyone has husbands, kids, and full-time jobs. It looked different as a college student in a campus ministry.

So I have been delighted by the reminder of my real home: heaven. C. S. Lewis writes in his book The Great Divorce, “I believe, to be sure, that any man who reaches Heaven will find that what he abandoned (even in plucking out his right eye) has not been lost: that the kernel of what he was really seeking even in his most depraved wishes will be there, beyond expectation, waiting for him in the ‘High Countries.'” The fellowship I so desire, the bridge over the gap in human intimacy and vulnerability, will be waiting for me in heaven. And more than that, it will be beyond expectation: all believers will be together in perfect union as we worship and adore the Lamb of God forever.

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