Tag Archives: husband

Grateful.

3 Apr

Travis and I just finished watching Julie & Julia. That’s a cute movie. And I love the movies that make me feel good about my own life when I’m done watching them.

While I don’t fancy ever boning a duck or cooking a whole chicken, the movie made me appreciate my husband and the partnership of marriage. Travis and I are coming up on our 3rd wedding anniversary in less than 2 months and I feel like we are just beginning to function as a team and I am really beginning to appreciate who Travis is. So far in our marriage, things have been pretty easy – we have had almost exactly the same schedule, same time off, same lifestyle. We didn’t have to put any effort into spending time with one another because we were very often home at the same time. That meant we didn’t put any effort into spending time with one another – I mean, not NO effort but very minimal. Some nights, we’d eat dinner together, but in front of the TV. Other nights, we’d go to the Rec together, but exercise separately. Or I would watch TV while Travis did homework in the office.

None of which is bad, necessarily. It just made it very easy for me to take Travis for granted (I won’t speak for how it affected him). Like Julia says in the movie, “Who has time to be married?” I feel like that has been my attitude a lot, which sounds horrible when presented like that. Why does my husband take back seat to other things – any thing? He should be my #1 priority here on earth. He is the love of my life, my partner, my support. He is always there for me when I need him. He takes thought for me, what I think, what I enjoy. And also like Julia said, “I don’t deserve him.” I really don’t.

But that’s the beauty of love – it’s undeserved. “Love conquers all.” “Love covers a multitude of sins.” “Love bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things.” “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

The epitome of love is shown on the Cross – what a glorious thing to remember at Easter time. Christ endured the cross because He loved us. He loved me. Even when I don’t deserve anything good. Especially when I don’t deserve anything good. He died for me despite my not deserving it. He died so that by putting on His robe of righteousness, I don’t have to deserve it.

How often I get distracted from the true point of life. Not only in regards to eternal things, like salvation and sanctification, but also in regards to earthly things, like my husband. I’m so consumed with doing that I forget about being. I do the dishes instead of spending time with my husband. I rush out the door to some meeting instead of linger in prayer. I push Travis away when he comes to bed because cuddling will rob me of 15 minutes of sleep.

It wasn’t just the movie that made me realize all of this. It’s also the change in lifestyle/schedule with my new job and the upcoming month. Travis leaves Monday morning for 10 days in Little Rock. Then he’ll spend 4 days with me in Vegas (while I’m working a race), then he’ll head back to Little Rock for another 10 days. The anticipated separation has prompted me to take time to appreciate Travis – to kiss him, to say good morning, to hug him, to talk to him, ask him how his day was. Not that I didn’t do those things before, but I didn’t savor them like I do now. Then, I was often doing it to feel like a good wife and not a heartless person. I wasn’t taking time to love my husband, to remind myself of why I love him, to do the things I love to do with him, to tell him I loved him. I was taking him for granted. And we both lose in that situation.

But by the grace of God, I am seeing now where I have been going wrong AND I have the motivation and desire to fix it. I want my husband to feel appreciated. I want to support him, from the big things, like his getting a new job (after finding out that he’s being cut to 20 hours/week) to the small things, like helping him rake the yard (a task which I hate).

So right now, tonight, I am grateful. Grateful that I have a husband who loves me, even when I swing from being a cluster of emotions to feeling nothing. Grateful that I have a God who is faithful to show me the truth, whether hard or easy to accept, whether hard or easy to show. I am loved. And that is all that matters.

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Defeated.

29 Mar

I apologize ahead of time for the jumbled mess I expect this post to be. I have a lot going through my mind.

Travis is frustrated with my job. It makes me feel like he’s frustrated with me, since I’m the one with the job that is frustrating him.

I don’t handle his frustration well. To me, the things he is frustrated over aren’t that big of a deal. So we have to add a shelf to the garage to store my equipment. So we can’t park the Pathfinder in the garage for 2 days because I need the Sequoia in there, to keep the $50K worth of equipment safe. So what?

The ways we’re different usually complement each other – he’s good at things I’m not good at and vice versa and it works out well for both of us. This is one of those instances, though, that the ways we’re different divide us and cause misunderstandings like there’s no tomorrow. I am not a question asker. Some people are just naturally inquisitive – they look at the sky and instead of saying “The sky is blue,” they ask “Why is the sky blue?” I am the person who states; Travis is the person who asks.

So when circumstances in my job have been different than what we expected – say, having to store equipment at our house or my having to be gone for an entire week for our races or my receiving $3K less than I had originally heard from D – I accept them as fact. I need to have the equipment at our house because I’ll be using it every weekend. I have to be gone for an entire week because they need me on site for race coordination. It’s ok to be paid a little less because money isn’t my priority and I will have a job I like.

I suspect that all of the unexpected things are making the expected things even harder for Travis to bear – things like my being gone most weekends during the summer, my having to work more than 40 hours a week, and my having to be available 24/7. He’s been making little comments here and there since I took this job and I didn’t realize how much or why they were upsetting me until today. He passes them off as jokes or “stating the facts” – but I know him well enough to know that they are neither. He is voicing his frustration indirectly. And because his frustration is caused by my job, I feel like I am the source of his frustration.

Travis told me tonight that he feels like this job is asking for a lot of sacrifices from me and not giving anything back. Just a few minutes ago, he walked into the bedroom and asked if I was working, since he saw me on my laptop. When I don’t exercise one day, it’s because this job is taking over my life. When I don’t cook dinner, it’s because of the job. When I answer the phone at 7 AM, I’m working too hard. When I check email on a Saturday morning, I’m becoming obsessed. When I can’t run an errand one day during normal work hours, the job is too demanding. When I am still working when Travis gets home from class, the job is asking too much. When I have to park the work car in the garage and the Pathfinder has to go on the street, it’s absolutely ridiculous what my job asks of me.

I agree that this job has come with a lot more sacrifices than my previous one. But we knew that before I took the job and I feel like my hands are tied on a lot of this. I guess that is precisely the mentality that is causing this distress between us. I view these changes as necessary to the job – this is what the job is calling for, and therefore, what I have to do. If I want the job, I have to do it this way. Duty calls, so to speak. So when changes come up, I accept them as fact, before consulting Travis – because in my view, these aren’t negotiable. They are what they are. If there is equipment to store in my garage, I will store the equipment in my garage.

Travis, on the other hand, views these changes as negotiable. Everything is negotiable to him. Well, maybe they are when you think to ask questions and dive into specifics on the spot, right at the time the decision is being made. But when you’re like me, and you’ve already agreed to things without asking questions, it’s a little harder to put your foot down. To sum it up, I commit without asking and Travis gets mad.

I can understand why he’s mad, in some ways. He is the man of the household and as much as my feminist girlpower independent rebel wants to come out and say “Screw him, he can get over it, I can make my own freakin’ decisions,” I want to be a godly woman in this situation. I want to submit to my husband and to respect his emotions, because they are real. I can see that my not consulting Travis could feel, to him, like I am disrespecting him and not caring what he thinks about anything. That is totally not my intention. I do care what he thinks – I just haven’t consulted him because I didn’t think there was anything to discuss.

I feel defeated by Travis, by my job, by life. “Ok, you got me to feel like crap. Happy?” I feel like Travis isholding everything he’s frustrated by against me – that he is no longer frustrated by my job – he is frustrated by ME. That when he looks at me, he sees the source of his frustration. That everything I do proves his point. I asked him tonight if he wants me to quit. He hesitated and then said “No” in a tone that said “Of course not, how could you possibly think that?” But I don’t buy it. I think that was a lie.

Which makes me wonder many questions. What is so different about this job than any other? Why does Travis care so much? Is he worried about our marriage? Did he not want me to take the job in the first place? Is he jealous for some reason? Does he not like me traveling? Why are these such big sacrifices for him? Is he scared that I’ll end up working and doing nothing else? Does he not trust me? Is he mad at me for something I don’t know about? Is he bitter at me for accepting the job without talking about it with him again? Why can’t he forgive me for that? What can I do to make things better? Am I unknowingly making things worse?

I do know one thing though – if things in our marriage don’t improve, I will seriously consider quitting this job. I am committed to my husband and he has to be my number 1 priority. Even if I really like this job and think that Travis is being unreasonable, if this causes too much strain on our marriage, the job isn’t worth it.

I also know that without Travis’ support behind me (which I don’t feel like I have right now), being gone and having such weird hours is going to be really hard – perhaps unbearable. I don’t want our marriage to suffer because of this – if I had thought it would when I was offered the job, I would not have accepted it. I thought that a little time apart would be good for me and Travis, since we’ve had oodles of time together since we’ve been married. But if Travis isn’t supportive of this job, it isn’t going to be good for our marriage.

All of this uncertainty, stress and struggle also makes me wonder, if this is the way things are going to be, why did God lead me down this path if this is what was in store for us? Why let me change jobs if this was going to be the result all along? Why this?

To which I know God replies, “Trust Me.”

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Kids

19 Jan

I know its an exaggeration but it seriously feels like everyone in the world is having kids except for me and Travis. At first, it was just all of our church friends. But now, all of our friends from MN are having kids too! It’s craziness!

I have to admit, it gets me thinking more and more about having kids of our own. I mean, how could it not? I get to see the pleasant side of things, when the baby is cute and cuddly and wearing adorable little outfits. I don’t see the a.m. feedings or sleepless nights or long stints of crying. I do though somewhat experience the new parents’ inability to do anything spontaneous and eventually, when they get older and can’t get sleep anywhere, anything past 7 p.m.

Travis keeps reminding me, the grass is always greener on the other side. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy our childless freedom right now. We just bought plane tickets for a 3-day Christmas/Valentine’s Day trip to Salt Lake City at the end of February. I am going to start training for another triathlon at the beginning of February and am still planning on training for the Twin Cities Marathon after that. Travis has already written every single date of every single hunting season for every single animal in his new planner. We couldn’t do any of that if we had a kid right now (well, I guess Travis could write the dates in his planner… but they wouldn’t amount to anything 🙂 ).

Even though I am excited to have kids, I really feel (mostly) ok with waiting. I don’t have the kind of overwhelming anticipation about having kids that I had about getting married. Not because I’m less excited but more because I am more confident that right now is not the right time for kids. When Travis and I were dating, I didn’t give a rat’s @$$ about timing because I wanted to be married. NOW. Period.

But with kids, it’s different. You can’t date a kid and get used to the feeling of being in a parent-child relationship. You’re not a parent and then you are. You’re just a married couple and then you are parents. There is no in between, no easing into it.

I think the reason why seeing other women having babies makes me want one is because I know that I will enjoy it so much. It is a new season of life and while there are trade-offs and limitations, I’m sure any new parent would tell you that they’re totally worth it. And while I am still confounded by the fact that Travis and I are old enough to be parents (!?!?!?!), I really want to start a family.

Which begs the infamous question: “So when are you thinking about having kids?” I think it will be another 2-3 years, according to the Kluthe timeline (God may have something else in mind, as He did with the Normans). We would like to have some more of our student loans paid off/down and for Travis to be done with grad school (which he expects to happen spring/summer of 2011).

All in good, and God’s, time!

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Our 2nd Wedding Anniversary

7 Jun

Travis and I have been married for 2 years, as of May 19th. So crazy to think it’s already been 2 years! When asked if it feels like it’s been 2 years, I have to answer “Yes and no. It doesn’t feel like 2 years because it has gone so fast. But it does seem like 2 years when I think about everything that has happened since we got married.”

I have to praise the Lord by saying that our marriage is wonderful. I couldn’t always say that honestly… The first year and a half were really hard. I knew that I was still committed to Travis and our marriage but I really couldn’t say that I was joyful. I was frustrated, annoyed, and confused. The things that were hard about our marriage were definitely not the things that I expected to be hard.

But praise God for His faithfulness. I don’t know how non-Christians make marriage work. If I hadn’t had God to rely on, trust in, and live through me, I’m scared to think what would have happened to us. Not I think we would’ve thought about divorce but I definitely think we would’ve been more distant and drifted toward more independent lives (like what happens to a lot of married couples over the years).

The thing that I have appreciated about Travis the most over the past 2 years is his genuine love for me. While like any sinful human being, he can say insensitive, rude things in the heat of the moment and isn’t always as considerate as I think he should be, he is incredibly sweet and thoughtful. Often, I’ll notice he did something and remark about it to him. His response: “I know my Bubs likes it that way.”

I think the biggest thing that has changed to make our marriage better is that we can laugh about our differences and annoying quirks instead of getting angry and resentful (which was what was happening before).

Anyway, since our anniversary was on a Tuesday and the 2 weekends after it we were re-roofing our house, we just celebrated our anniversary this weekend. (We did go out to eat on our anniversary to an upscale Mexican restaurant downtown Denver called Tamayo.)

Friday night, we went to an O.A.R. concert at Red Rocks Amphitheatre. It rained a little when we got there but luckily it held off for the whole concert. There was a lot of lightning in the sky over Denver throughout the night.

The storm clouds

The storm clouds

Red Rocks

Red Rocks

A crazy cloud

A crazy cloud

Trav and me

Trav and me

O.A.R. put on a great concert. We weren’t crazy about the opener (Brett Dennen) but O.A.R. was great. They had a really good sound, great stories, and awesome lights.

Yesterday, we drove up to Leadville, CO, to go hiking. We had heard that the little town was pretty cool and it was very quaint and cute.

Some beautiful scenery

Some beautiful scenery

A cool bridge built back in the 30s (so I hear)

A cool bridge built back in the 30s (so I hear)

This house has a fence made out of old skis! We saw a lot of quirky houses in Leadville...a lot of them have different shaped shingles (ala the Victorian Age) painted in bright colors.

This house has a fence made out of old skis!

We saw a lot of quirky houses like this in Leadville...a lot of them have different shaped shingles (ala the Victorian Age) painted in bright colors.

We saw a lot of quirky houses like this in Leadville...a lot of them have different shaped shingles (ala the Victorian Age) painted in bright colors.

 We did a 5 mile hike up to Timberline Lake. The hike started at about 10,000 feet and got up to 10,866, where the lake is.

On the trail

On the trail

 About 1.5 miles into our hike, we came to a flooded area where our only choices were to either turn around or walk through the water. I wasn’t a fan of the idea at first but eventually we took off our boots and socks and walked through the water barefoot. Since it’s mountain runoff, the water was absolutely FREEZING! It wasn’t that bad while we were still in it but immediately after we stepped out of the water, our feet and ankles just stung.

The freezing mountain water we had to walk in

The freezing mountain water we had to walk in

After we walked through that water, we had to cross a stream that was ripping pretty good. The bottom was all river rock so while it wasn’t sharp or pokey, it was a little slippery. Luckily, neither of us fell in.

The mountain stream

The mountain stream

Travis with his boots, ready to cross the stream

Travis with his boots, ready to cross the stream

Farther up, we had to cross the stream again but this time, there was a makeshift bridge.

Me crossing the bridge

Me crossing the bridge

Most of the climb happened after those two stream crossings. It just seemed to keep going up and up. Finally, we got to the lake. 

Timberline Lake

Timberline Lake

It was very pretty but unfortunately, as is the case with all lakes at that high of an altitude, the wind whips across the lake and makes it absolutely freezing. Makes it hard to sit there and enjoy the views.

Another view of the lake

Another view of the lake

Do I look cold?

Do I look cold?

Needless to say, we spent about 10 minutes at the lake and then headed back down.
Crossing the stream again on the way back

Crossing the stream again on the way back

Beautiful view of the snow-capped mountains

Beautiful view of the snow-capped mountains

Closeup of the weird/cool plants

For some reason, I find these weird plants really cool.

After our hike, we drove around Leadville, looking at all the quirky houses and then the abandoned mining buildings and equipment. Both Travis and I find it fascinating that people actually used to mine there, use those buildings and tools…I love that kind of history–learning about and seeing how people used to live.
Some old mining buildings and equipment

Some old mining buildings and equipment

Leadville, CO

Leadville, CO

We ate dinner at Tennesse Pass Cafe in Leadville (great little restaurant) and then drove back to Denver. When we got back, we went to see Land of the Lost with Will Ferrell. It was very entertaining–not Will Ferrell’s funniest but still pretty cute.

Today we went to church, then looked at puppies (so cute!!) and tools at the mall. We want to get a golden retriever but haven’t been able to find an affordable puppy (cheapest we’ve found is $800).

It was a great anniversary weekend. Looking forward to #3!

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Waiting upon God

4 Mar

Tired but happy. That’s how I would describe my mood today. Since going to Columbus last Thursday for the National Youth Ministry Conference, I have felt like myself again. Happy. Positive. Social. Energetic. Alive. I had been in a funk for so long that I actually forgot I was in a funk.

It’s good to be out.

But now I’m battling a cold. Boo. I like to think that because I take care of myself through eating healthy and exercising regularly, I’m somehow above getting sick. My sore throat and achy body remind me that I’m not.

The conference was great though. I felt very blessed by the opportunity to go. It was great getting to bond with my co-workers (and bosses!) outside of work. My roomie was Debb, the Exec VP of Ministry Advancement (a.k.a. my boss’ boss). She’s the head of our side of the ministry. She’s great–very business savvy and driven but also very down-to-earth, friendly, and open about her life. That’s one of the things that I really love about being a Christian–there’s this authenticity regardless of your status or rank that you just don’t find anywhere else–because we know that we are all sinners in need of a Savior.

So here’s a tiny recap of what we did at the conference (I’ll try not to bore you with details): Thursday, we flew into Columbus and set up the booth. Friday, the conference started. I had 2 shifts in the booth (meet and greet kind of thing) for a total of 4.5 hours (but I also worked on marketing copy when not in the booth). Saturday, we had two 2-hour track sessions. I helped set up our room and the tables with all of our handouts, centerpieces, decorations, etc. Sunday, same thing. Two 2-hour track sessions. Monday, Super Session (90-minute condensed version of the previous 4 sessions), booth teardown, and repalletizing. Flew back to Denver (and I got to have lunch with Rick Lawrence, the editor of Group Magazine!! How cool is that?!?! I feel like the nerdy kid who gets to meet all these cool, important people as I tag along with Greg Stier and Debb).

During the mornings and afternoons of the conference, the sessions took up pretty much all of my time so the only general sessions I was able to go to were the evening ones (that ran from 7:00-9:15). I got to see the band Braddigan (Brad Corrigan was the lead singer of Dispatch!) and Derek Webb in concert, as well as hear Doug Fields and Alex and Brett Harris speak. I also got a bunch of freebies, which is always fun. 🙂 I went to one late night session (from 9:30-11:30 so it got pretty late after a long day!), a documentary that Braddigan made about a concert they played for a garbage dump community in Nicaragua. It was very moving and sad. It made me realize that it is only by God’s grace and providence that I was born into a middle class family in the United States. I could’ve just as easily been born in a garbage dump in Nicaragua. It has renewed my conviction that I need to do something with my privilege, instead of just living for myself. More on that some other day. 🙂

For the time being, work is pretty busy, which is great. During one of our many chats, Debb told me something that has convicted me and clarified a lot of my career struggles. She said that if I concentrate on what she called my current “circle of influence” (the areas that I have influence and impact on now) and seek to do my current job with excellence, more opportunities will be given to me. I can’t concentrate only on what I want to be doing (while slacking on what’s right in front of me), because opportunities aren’t given to people who don’t prove themselves. I have to work myself into where I want to be. Jesus said Matthew 25:21, “You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.”  

That is convicting because I  have been guilty of half-hearted work at my current job. I haven’t sought to do the job with excellence. I have done the status quo. There has been a nagging thought in the back of my mind (no doubt from the Holy Spirit) that I am not glorifying the Lord with lukewarm efforts. I have tried to motivate myself to be more enthusiastic, to no avail. But something changed over the weekend: I realized that Debb believes in me and wants me to advance beyond where I am right now. It’s amazing what a difference that makes, to have someone championing you and wanting you to succeed and be the best you can be. It makes me want to be the best I can be. It makes me realize that I do have potential and I just need to apply it.

What Debb said is also clarifying because as she is older and wiser than me, and has gone through a lot of the struggles I’m going through right now, she can speak truth and wisdom into them. She reminded me that I am not in charge of where my life goes. I don’t need to (and can’t) direct it, plan it out, chart in a graph. God does that. I just have to be faithful with where I am right now. There is an Elisabeth Elliot quote that I used to reference constantly when Travis and I were dating:

I wait dear Lord. Thy ways are past finding out. Thy love too high. O hold me still beneath Thy shadow. It is enough that Thou lift up the light of Thy countenance. I wait – because I am commanded so to do. My mind is filled with wonderings. My soul asks “Why?” But then a quiet word, “Wait thou only upon God.” And so not even for the light to show a step ahead, but for Thee, dear Lord, I wait.

What an amazing woman of God! Her testimony provided immeasurable assurance to me in the midst of the greatest spiritual struggle I’ve had. And those words of wisdom still apply here, to what is, deep down, the same struggle in a different disguise. Then, I wanted to know if Travis and I would get married. Now, I want to know what God’s will and plan for my life is.

It’s easy for me to put a certain spin on my sin so that it doesn’t look like sin, per se, but more like just a character flaw. For example, with my body image, instead of outrightly saying, “God, I don’t like the body you’ve given me,” I put a spin on it and say “Well, I’m not content with my body because I’m not vigilant enough with diet and exercise.” Another example, Travis struggles with feeling jealous of other couples who have bought bigger, nicer houses than we did. Instead of outrightly saying, “God, the house You provided us isn’t good enough for me,” he spins it and says “Well, maybe we should have looked at foreclosures more. Maybe I made a poor real estate deal.” By putting the blame on ourselves, we can “get away with” being discontent in and with God (only in the sense that we don’t immediately recognize it as being discontent with God).

In the same way, I’ve put a spin on my struggle with life direction and career, etc. I’ve told myself, “Well, I’m the one who has to act. God can’t make my life be what He wants it to be if I’m being lazy and self-interested all the time.” Those excuses have been covering up my unbelief in God’s plan. Unbelief in His ability and willingness to guide my life. I pray for God to reveal His will for my life, all the while expecting for His will to look completely different than my life looks right now. Why? I haven’t consciously subverted God’s will. I’m not living in sin. Why would God’s will be different than my life right now? Whether I believe it or not, God is leading me.

I’ve also put this spin on my struggles with marriage. Instead of waiting upon God and turning to Him for help, I told myself, “Well, it’s my own sin that is causing these situations. How can I approach God for help with this when it’s all my fault in the first place?!?”

I realized over the weekend that I have been silently accusing God of not helping me–mostly in my marriage, but all areas of my life have been affected. I have been spinning my wheels, so to speak, in trying to better my marriage, my job, myself–for so long that I thought God and His Spirit had abandoned me to my own devices. If my marriage was going to improve or I was going to figure out my life, I was going to have to do it myself. Kay Warren wrote in her book, Dangerous Surrender, that Saddleback had been waiting for a church building of their own for 13 years. After many setbacks and hurdles, there was yet another. “Certainly we believed…in God’s timing…but eventually it got so old.” Certainly I believe in God’s power to sanctify and guide me…but being stuck and in the dark has gotten so old.

That’s where Elisabeth Elliot’s quote comes into play. I ask “Why?” and God says “Wait thou only upon God.” Don’t wait upon an answer, a breakthrough, a promotion, a better body, a better self–wait thou only upon God.

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Inspirations from a Shopaholic

22 Feb

I just got back from seeing Confessions of a Shopaholic with 2 of my girl friends. SUCH a cute movie! *Sigh* I love chick flicks. There’s nothing like a good girlie movie to put you in a good mood!

I left the movie theater feeling inspired, uplifted, hopeful. Not because I feel like my spending problems have finally been put in perspective (since I don’t have spending problems) but because the character of Rebecca Bloomberg made me realize a few things.

1. It’s okay to be a girlie girl. I’ll admit it: I love shiny things. I love sparkles and glitter–even just the words. I love being pampered with spa treatments, hair cuts and dyes, makeup, manicures, pedicures. I love bright colors, new clothes, fun purses, cute shoes, and the perfect accessories. My love for those things used to get me in a bunch of trouble a la Rebecca Bloomwood (though not quite to that extent) but since becoming a Christian, my priorities have changed and I realize that no, a cute new perfect-with-this-outfit purse is not going to make me happy.

But so often, I get trapped into the mentality that to be a happy, carefree, clueless-about-certain-things kind of girl is a no-no. You have to be serious, smart, and sensible. Um, no I don’t! 

2. It’s okay to be yourself. Throughout the movie, Rebecca Bloomwood gets into enough awkward social situations that I’m pretty sure I watched 3/4 of the movie through my fingers because my hands were covering my face in empathetic embarrassment. But she has a contagious personality and everyone loves her.

Yes, it is a movie (originally a fictitious book) but I think that there is a message there nonetheless: embrace who you are. You may be awkward in social situations, say things at the wrong time, do stupid things without thinking about them, and get yourself into situations that are humiliating yet humbling. But if that’s who you are, then embrace it!

I have the blessing/curse of being analytical about everything. It’s a blessing as a writer but a curse in any social situation. Instead of being myself and saying whatever I’m thinking around other people, I analyze it first, think about how it would sound if I said it, wonder how the others will receive it. It holds me back often. Even though I cringed at all her faux pas, I want to be more like Rebecca Bloomwood: vivacious, audacious, and lively.

3. Life should be full of adventure and challenge. God did not intend for life to be sterile and predictable. As a creature of comfort, this is a truth that I so quickly forget (or in many instances, ignore). A predictable life is easy. But it’s also boring and a shame.

A lot of Rebecca Bloomwood’s drama is her own fault–she has told lies, dodged creditors and they are coming back to bite her. But some of the excitement comes from who she is–she goes after what she wants and is determined. She puts herself into intimidating circumstances (like the business press conference at the beginning when she stands up and asks a question and the APA conference where she meets dozens of fellow journalists). Again, it is a movie and my life will never resemble hers. But it snapped me out of my ho-hum existence and reminded me that there’s more to life than this.

It is this realization that makes me especially grateful for my husband. He makes life unpredictable. He is always playing around, singing, whistling, joking. I’m always serious. I think I could learn a thing or two from Travis about lightening up a bit and not taking everything so seriously–about having fun in life!

So there you have it folks, the inspirations I took away from a Shopaholic. I highly recommend the movie if you like chick flicks.

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V-day Update

15 Feb

Look at me, being so on the ball! I got up this morning at 6:50 AM without an alarm clock!

Anyway, so our day yesterday was sooo fun! We left the house around 6:45 AM (a little later than we wanted to leave) and since we had to stop at Travis’ boss’ house in Evergreen to borrow a pair of snowshoes, we hit the ski traffic going up I-70. Boo.

All least the drive into Evergreen was beautiful.

All least the drive into Evergreen was beautiful.

All in all, it took us an hour longer to get to Glenwood Springs than it should have. But I really enjoyed the drive (despite the wet roads and aggressive drivers that almost made me crap my pants). Travis and I talked about Romans 5-6, about sin, death, justification, and Christ. Travis is such an intelligent, educated man and one of the many things that made me fall in love with him is his ability to have deep conversations about lots of different things. We definitely need to have talks like that more often.

Right before you hit Glenwood Springs on westbound I-70, you pass through Glenwood Canyon, a narrow canyon with steep walls on both sides and a river running through the middle. Due to the lack of space, the westbound lanes were built off the ground and the eastbound lanes were built next to the river.

(picture from Wikipedia)

Travis said it’s an engineering marvel. Whether it’s an engineering one or not, it definitely is a marvel of beauty.

Here are the pictures I took of it:

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dsc03125

We made it to Sunlight Mountain Resort around 11:00 and after several trips back and forth from the car to the rental shop and bathroom, we got on the trail. Still with a Minnesota it’s-freezing-outside mindset, we had dressed in layers. We quickly realized that we were going to be way too freakin’ hot because it was about 30 degrees out and we were workin’ up a sweat. Even before we had set out, my legs were sweating underneath my Smartwool longjohns, Smartwool socks, and winter boots.

But to avoid yet another trip back to the car, I just took my jacket, mittens, and hat off and carried them for most of our hike. (And who was to say I wouldn’t want them later on? My body temperature can honestly go from being so hot there’s sweat beading off my forehead to being so cold that my lips are blue 10 minutes later. What gives?)

About halfway through our hike (and I say hike because there were several decent hills…we were breathing heavy for a while!), it started to snow. It was so beautiful. Perfect day.

Looking over at the ski slopes--notice I'm not wearing a jacket!

Looking over at the ski slopes

On the trail--it looped around to the other side of those trees

On the trail--it looped around to the other side of those trees

The happy couple

The happy couple

Why not steal a kiss in the snow?

Why not steal a kiss in the snow?

This is a hole in the snow over a little creek--see how much snow they have!?!?

This is a hole in the snow over a little creek--see how much snow they have!?!?

It really started snowing on our way back.

It really started snowing on our way back.

Just a pretty picture.

Just a pretty picture.

The trail ahead of us. The way back was completely downhill--so glad we went around the loop the way we did!!
The trail ahead of us. The way back was completely downhill–so glad we went around the loop the way we did!!

We got done snowshoeing around 12:30, ate our lunch of PB & J’s, then went and got ice cream at a shop called KaleidoScoops. We attempted a crossword for about 15 minutes, and then it was time to head to the Yampah Spa for our mineral bath and sauna time.

The spa was nice. We had to park about 3 blocks away and our “hostess” (the one who got our room ready for us) initially thought it was a mineral bath for one (luckily that was corrected–we paid for 2!), but overall, it was worth the money ($75 for a 2-person, 45-minute mineral bath in hot springs water and unlimited time in the Vapor Caves).
After our hostess, Suzy, showed us to our private room, we realized that our mineral bath was so hot, it was scorching. The water of the Glenwood hot springs is a natural 125 degrees. I could put my big toe in the water for about 10 seconds before the heat reached my pain receptors and Yowsa! After adding several gallons of ice cold water from the hose connected to the tub (and draining the tub a little so it wouldn’t overflow), it got down to about the temperature of a normal hot tub (101 degrees) and I could finally put my whole body in the tub.
Even then, by the time our 45 minutes were up, we had sweat rolling off our faces, our arms rested on the sides of the tub, and dousing ourselves with cold washcloths. HOT!
After our relaxing mineral bath, it was time for the Vapor Caves. Those caves are pretty stickin’ cool. They’re like an underground mine, only over 100 degrees and humid. Just sitting there, the sweat literally pours off you. They have little wash basins that you can fill with ice-cold water to help keep you cool–or else, you’d probably only last about 5 minutes. We stayed down there for around 15-20 minutes.
Even though I don’t find being overly hot and sweaty relaxing in the moment, I walked out of that spa feeling alive and invigorated. Which was good because I had to drive home. 🙂
Since we didn’t want to hit the ski traffic on the way back as well, we made a quick stop at Target (and bought Transformers the movie to watch last night) and then headed home around 4:50.
The drive back took about 2.5 hours (Vail Pass was really hairy) and we realized that by the time we got home and made dinner, it would be 9:00 PM. So we decided to postpone dinner until tonight, when we could eat at a normal hour and leisurely enjoy the dinner with candles and soft music (and not fall asleep in the middle of it!).
Instead of dinner, we ate dessert (the Raspberry Chocolate Angel Food Cake I made…there’s still more for tonight!) and popcorn and watched Transformers.
And that’s it! It was a wonderful day with my husband.

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My Valentine

13 Feb

I’m really excited for tomorrow. Travis usually takes the reins on organizing celebrations like our anniversary and Valentine’s Day (although last year, we didn’t really do anything. Travis did buy me red tulips though!)

Me and my favorite flowers (I love any color tulips)

Me and my favorite flowers (I love any color tulips)

Travis and his V-day present from me--a giant chocolate chip cookie that had "I'm Hot For You" written in red hots

Travis and his V-day present from me--a giant chocolate chip cookie with red hots for the letters

But this year, I did the planning (though I have told Travis what we’re doing so it’s not a surprise.) Since V-day falls on a Saturday this year, I wanted to make it a day long affair. So we’re doing a daytrip to Glenwood Springs. We’re going to leave here around 6:30 AM (to beat all the people going skiing) and go snowshoeing at Sunlight Mountain Resort. Then we’re going to warm up and wind down at the Yampah Spa with the Hot Springs Vapor Caves. We’re treating ourselves to a 45-minute mineral bath (in a japanese-style soaking tub with real water from the hot springs) and then drying off in the Vapor Caves (it’s an underground natural sauna).

After all of that fun, we’re going to head home for a special dinner. Here is the menu:

  • Baby spinach with dried cranberries, chopped walnuts, feta cheese, and raspberry vinegarette
  • Linguine with goat cheese, bacon, and butternut squash
  • Baked chicken breast
  • Raspberry-chocolate angel food cake
  • Champagne

I can’t wait to eat it!

After dinner, we are going to probably watch a movie. I’m thinking we’ll be pretty tired after such a full day so our evening will be pretty chill.

I’ll post pictures of the event (if I remember my camera!!)

Happy Valentine’s Day to you!!

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Back to where I started

12 Feb

As I was pondering my marriage last night, and why I still struggle with feeling annoyed all the time at my husband’s displays of affection (which, for those who don’t know, include butt slapping, boob grabbing, tummy squeezing, and other things I won’t describe), I decided that the big virtue I’m missing is patience. The biggest reason why Travis annoys me is because I always feel bothered, interrupted. He’ll try to hug me in the middle of me doing the dishes. Or he’ll have to grab me while I’m drying my hair. My inner (and sometimes outer) voice asks, “Why can’t he just wait until I’m done?” Then I realize that I’m never “done,” especially in the morning. I always have an agenda, things I have on my mental tasklist. When I get in “Task Mode,” as I like to call it, I act like a bulldozer: “Get out of my way or I’ll run you over.”

When I was single and even while we were dating/engaged, I had plenty of “me time,” time when I could be as efficient and task-oriented as I wanted to be. I didn’t have to stop for or be interrupted by anyone wanting attention, as Travis so often does.  

My problem is that I am always kind of in that mode. I am an efficient, task-oriented person. It is not like me to dawdle, lag, or lollygag. I don’t even know if I can do those things. Travis, on the other hand, is a more relaxed person. The only time I can imagine him being in Task Mode is when he’s out in the garage, working on whatever he works on out there. (And during those times, I hardly ever bother him, and I never bother him for hugs and kisses because he’s dirty and sweaty!!) Most of the time, Travis is watching TV, reading, looking up sports scores (a mind-numbing activity if you ask me), or researching random things on the internet. He hardly ever minds when I interrupt him and even less so if it’s for physical affection.

So I see that I need patience and humility. I realized last Saturday that I had been subconsciously demanding everything be my way or the highway (but really, I want it to be my way). When we first moved out to Colorado, I had done a one-day, skimming-the-surface topical study on each Fruit of the Spirit. So last night I looked up my journal entry on patience. And there it was, clear as day:

“To be patient and endure undesirable circumstances, I must be humble. I must renounce all my claims to have things, people, and situations be what I want them to be.”

That was written on November 12, 2007.

WHAT?!?!? I knew that back THEN and am only realizing it again NOW, a year and a half later? That was exactly what I realized on Saturday and there it was, sitting in my journal all this time. I’m back to where I started.

I am thankful today that God is faithful and most of all, patient. He waited until I was ready to surrender my own efforts and rely on Him to remind me of this truth, a truth that I happened upon unexpectedly 15 months ago.

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All I Have is Christ

25 Jan

I am proud to say that yesterday, I worked on my memoir for about 5 hours straight. I got into the groove and was on a roll. Hopefully I can keep this up so that days don’t turn into months and then years before this thing is finished.

I am currently writing about the time I studied abroad in Venezuela and one of the guys I dated, German (accent on the a), who was actually from Venezuela. I met him in Rochester, where I grew up, when he was studying abroad.

I won’t go into detail here, mostly because it isn’t relevant. But I am finding it difficult to remember really what happened between us and what our relationship was like, which is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I have been praying ever since I met Travis that I would forget everything about the “other guys” in my life. A curse because it makes it hard to write a memoir!! But I’d rather not remember for the sake of my marriage than remember for the sake of a book. 

To “research” what happened during those years, I’ve been reading some of my old journals. It’s amazing to see how I have changed. More than just maturing over the years, I have developed a hope and purpose for my life that can only be from God. 

I think of what my life would like right now if I hadn’t heard God beckoning to me that hot, sticky day in Venezuela: I’d probably still be basing my worth on men; hopping around the party scene; investing a fortune into fashion, fitness, and beauty; trying to climb the corporate ladder while secretly pining for a husband and a family. I would be lost, scared, and insecure. Most of all, I would be without hope. I would wonder if this is all there was to life, if no one ever craved something more. I would never be satisfied.

Reading Romans has really revealed to me how much we need the gospel–a Savior who demands nothing but faith for a gospel that is based on nothing but grace. Tim Keller said once in a sermon that there was a woman on the verge of becoming a Christian. She was scared to accept Christ because she knew that once she did, “there is nothing He can’t ask of me.” The gospel demands a full surrender of ourselves. There is nothing we can hold back from God.

This is my song right now:

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ!
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life!

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

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