Tag Archives: rest

Time for a break.

20 Oct

I am in serious need of a break. So far this week, I have worked over 45 hours – and it’s only Wednesday!

I knew that this week would be this way so at least I wasn’t surprised. I had planned that I would do nothing except work and sleep. No exercise. No reading. No fun. (Well, I at least had to squeeze in a blog post).

That’s the way my job is – race week is completely nuts. This one even more so, since I took Friday and Saturday off last weekend to go up to elk camp with Travis and his family, days I would normally be working in preparation for this week.

Instead of getting into how much these weeks make me question why I have the job I do, I’m going to talk about all the things I excited to do next week – when I have pretty much the whole week off.

First, I’m going to sleep in as long as I can, linger over the Word with a cup of coffee, read a book as long as it takes me to fall asleep into a nap, cuddle with Katy my dog, and watch movies.

Second, I’m going to get a massage, manicure, and pedicure to rescue my body, feet and hands from all of this crazy manual labor! I’m sure my back is just one big giant ball of tension. I know my right leg has been demanding I quit using it so much since the beginning of August (my IT band and hamstring are ridiculously tight).

Then, I’m going to update my resume, volunteer at the church, write and mail a letter to my Compassion child, roll over my 401(k), finish sewing a coat and swimsuit coverup (not making, just mending!), run at least 4 times (the half marathon is in less than a month!) including an 8-miler, and paint and decorate wooden letters for my office (haven’t decided what word they’ll spell yet). I’m sure there’s more – I’ve been making a list of all the things that pop into my head followed by, “I need to remember to do that.”

It’s amazing how busy I’ve been this summer. I don’t really realize it until I think about all the things I haven’t had time or energy to do. When I read about my friends’ weekend adventures online, I am reminded of how long it’s been since Travis and I just hung out for the heck of it. Heck, how long it’s been since Travis and I hung out period. And then I see the long list of things I need and want to do and I just know – it’s time for a break.

What I’m trying to figure out is how long of a break I need from this job. But that’s better left for another blog post.

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Happiness is from God.

18 Oct

Yesterday, I would have had reason for being frustrated. Travis’ mom, dad and brother are out here for elk hunting and I, for the 3rd year in a row, have to miss the majority of their stay because of work. This year, I had to leave on Sunday morning in order to leave for Vegas – we’re putting on our last race of the season, Pumpkinman, this coming Saturday. I am SO ready for this season to be over and to have some time to relax and not feel the temptation to be stressed out.

But yesterday, as we were driving through the mountains on I-70, I couldn’t help but feel joy at the beauty and freshness of the fall day. Granted, it’s still in the 60s, even in the mountains, but it’s about as near fall as Colorado gets at this time of year.

As I felt that joy, that lightness of spirit, that hope in the future and rest in the present, I realized that I had not had that feeling in a VERY long time. And it dawned on me: joy is from the Lord. I do not have joy in this life, I do not have rest, peace, or hope, without Jesus working it in me. I can finally thank the Lord for all the trials and dark nights I have gone through in the past year because I see now that I do not have hope or joy in this life if it isn’t in the Lord.

A similar thing happened to me in my marriage. During our first year, I grew very bitter toward Travis due to a long stretch of misunderstandings and different affection styles. I was often dismayed and broken over my lack of love for Travis. What I had though would be an exciting time of life was really just… HARD. And while I remained committed to Travis and our marriage, I didn’t feel love for him.

Thanks to God and His work in my life, that has changed immensely. I am more in love with Travis now than I was when we got married and I now recognize that the love I feel for him is totally a gift from God. I do not have love in my heart naturally, not in the face of trials, struggles, frustrations and annoyances. Like in the song, Jesus My Only Hope: “Though I am dry and barren, By grace this love springs forth.” But it took me going through that period of dryness, of lovelessness, to recognize that my love for my husband is totally from God.

It’s good for God to redirect my focus like this – from looking into my own heart and wondering why it’s so barren, from looking at my circumstances and wondering why they don’t make me feel blessed, from looking at others who seem so happy and wondering why I can’t be more like them – to HIM. God is my joy. God is my meaning and reason for living. God is my strength. God is my help. God is my planner. God is my life.

I can finally notice the changing colors on the trees and bask in the sunshine and crisp fall air while finding joy in the little things of life because I am trusting God with the bigger things. Like my friend Katie Stromwall said, “He gets glory through our trust.” If I am truly desiring to glorify God with my life, I will trust Him.

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Some much-needed relaxation

28 Sep

I am currently sitting in my room at The Dana of Mission Bay in not-so-sunny-right-now San Diego. Travis is taking a class down here for work and invited me to come along. Stay in California for a week FREE? Heck yeah!

But I’m not doing much to take advantage of my beautiful surroundings today – I ate breakfast with Travis and then spent the morning in bed watching TV. I kept thinking that I should get up and do something but I am utterly exhausted. We had another race this past weekend and working 26 hours in 2 days out in the sun definitely takes a toll. It takes me at least a day of being a bum to feel human again, especially when I don’t have any coffee!! I don’t have a car and our hotel is about a mile from anything – walkable but Travis is concerned about me going anywhere on my own. And actually, I would be totally fine with just bumming around the hotel but my internet connection barely works so I can’t work, can’t watch movies, can’t blog (I’m doing this on my phone, which works but isn’t ideal.) I don’t even have any sunscreen so I can’t lay out much either. Tomorrow I’m going to see if I can drive Travis to his class and then take the car to a coffee shop with free wifi. Then I might go to a book store or shopping.

The ironic part about this is that I always dream about days like this – just getting to lay around, reading, blogging, getting in the word. All the time in the world. But my feeling of guilt over not being productive or making the most of my day makes me realize that I have made productivity an idol. I mean, in reality, I am not being lazy – I am recovering from being legitimately worn out. And its only one day! In fact, I only laid in bed for 4 hours – not even a quarter of a day!

But even so, I find that the way I feel about myself is effected when I feel lazy. I don’t feel as valuable or as lovable. And that means my identity is wrapped up in how much I get done in any particular day, not in Christ alone.

It’s amazing to me how fast my flesh runs to things of this world to justify my existence. It’s not enough that the God of the universe loves me eternally – I need to prove how much I’m worth by being thin, well-dressed, smart, and having everything under control. I need to accomplish things, to do stuff showing I am not just taking up space here. But like any idol, my idol of busyness robs me of my joy and my need for rest. Jesus offers me rest, not more work. Not only that, He devoted an entire day to resting, because He knows we need it. He even rested from His own work after creating the world! So rest is a good thing. And I’m thankful because I really need some! And now its off to time in the word, some reading, and a nap.

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Silent Sunday

26 Jul

Yesterday, I did something I had been thinking about doing for a while: observing a silent Sunday – no radio, no TV, no phone, no computer. (I did use my phone to call my mom however – but I think that’s an acceptable exception.)

I first noticed a difference when driving to church. My instinct was to mute out the silence by turning on the radio in the car. But I decided not to. I actually enjoy driving in silence.

Then I noticed when I got home from church and made lunch. Normally, I would turn the TV on for just a bit while eating lunch. But I enjoyed my meal instead.

Then after running errands, I again felt the urge to plop in front of the TV and just veg for a while. I instead read my book about marathon running and took an hour-long nap.

After my nap, it was time for a run. When I got back from that, I did some strength training and it was SO tempting to turn the TV on to distract me from the tedious task of situps, pushups, and squats. But I didn’t. I forged through distractionless and when I was done, I took a shower, made dinner, called my mom and then went to bed, where I read my book for another hour.

While I don’t know if I feel more peaceful without all the noise and distraction, I do know that I accomplished a heck of a lot more yesterday! TV has a way of sucking you and stealing your time. Just the fact that I thought about turning the TV on so many times throughout the day shows me that I watch TV way too much.

So I’m going to start a habit of this – one day a week of no technology (unless it’s talking on the phone to family and friends). Sunday seems like a great day for this, unless I’m driving home from a work trip – then music in the car is a NECESSITY and I’ll have to make it Silent Monday, although the alliteration makes Sunday more fun.

What will Travis have to say about this? I’m going to kindly ask (and nudge) that he does it with me for at least a couple of weeks. If at that point, he just can’t stand it, he can do whatever he wants as long as I don’t hear it or get sucked into it.

I really hope that I do end up more peaceful as a result of this – and that maybe I’ll end up with Silent Weeks (as least as far as the radio and TV are concerned.) 😉

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Good to be home

19 Jul

I just got back yesterday from being gone on a work trip for 10 days. We were in Middle-of-Nowhere, Utah, the whole time. I actually kind of enjoyed being out in the country but I was – am – SO ready to be home.

The thing I’m looking forward to the most about being home is being able to spend time with the Lord again. I know I could do it somewhat while I’m on the road but since I share a hotel room, I don’t get any alone time. And toward the end of the week (Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun), I am so busy and exhausted that I go to bed right when I get back and get up with just enough time to leave when we need to (even then I usually only get 3-5 hours of sleep). It’s intense, to say the least.

So today, I am taking the day off. I am blogging, Facebooking, and getting in the Word this morning with my first cup of coffee in 10 days!! (I am so picky about my coffee that I hardly ever drink it on the road – although I did have 2 lattes while we were gone.) Then, at 10:30, I’m getting a full body massage to work out the knots starting to form in my upper back from lifting so much heavy equipment. After that, I’ll take a shower and eat lunch with Travis. Then, this afternoon, I’m starting my first day of volunteering in the office at my church. That’s from 2-5 pm, after which I’ll come home, make supper, call my mom and 2 of my brothers, and hopefully still have time to paint my toenails. It’s a busy day but a fun one!

Tomorrow, it’s back to the grind BUT this is my last timing event of the 2010 triathlon season – meaning I’ll be traveling for work. I’m taking volunteer coordination back on but it shouldn’t be too bad, since the bulk of my job over the past 2 months will no longer be the bulk of my job (I’ll still be timing our own races).

It’s funny – even though I won’t be traveling for work the last weekend of July and the last 2 weekends of August, we’re planning on going to Yellowstone, Boulder (which is pretty close relatively), and into the mountains to camp. But it’s going to be the FUN kind of road trip!! Can’t wait!

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No such thing as perfect.

24 Aug

Never let ’em see you when you’re breaking
Never let ’em see you when you fall
That’s how we live and that’s how we try

Tell the world you’ve got it all together
Never let them see what’s underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

[CHORUS:]
There’s no such thing as perfect people
There’s no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it’s like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you’ve been
And you never have to go there again

[CHORUS]

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out
Let grace be enough

 

I have never considered myself a people pleaser. I mean, in some regards I am because I want people to like me but I like to think I don’t compromise my values to please them. And I’m getting better at being able to tell people no instead of always backing myself into sticky situations.  

But lately, I’ve been struggling with this idea that I have to have my life all together. I think it comes from perpetual laziness and the whole triathlon thing that took over my life (doesn’t that sound like an oxymoron?!?!? but you see, the triathlon caused the subsequent laziness…it took all of my energy.) I get overwhelmed easily and feel stressed out if I run out of time before getting done everything on my TO-DO list. I feel guilty if I watch TV instead of doing laundry. I feel guilty taking a nap when the kitchen is a mess. It’s all about “should”s and “have-to”s.

As a believer, I know that I don’t earn my salvation. I know that I can never deserve eternal life and that God doesn’t ask me to prove my worth–because He knows that I never could. I am not worth anything except what Christ paid for me…which means that I am worth A LOT, but only because of Christ.

I heard this song by Natalie Grant on the radio today. I had heard it before and liked…contrasting the non-existent of perfect people with a perfect God. But today, the line “There’s no such thing as a perfect life” stood out to me.

That’s what I have been striving for. What I’ve been wanting. What I’ve been thinking/hoping/believing was possible.

It’s not.

My life will never be perfect. I will never feel like I’m on top of the world and am doing good at this whole Christian thing–at least, I shouldn’t feel that way and I definitely shouldn’t make it my aim to stay there.

Instead of letting my failures and insufficiency cripple me, I should let them humble me and lead me to the cross. Lead me to the One who is sufficient, so I don’t have to be. Lead me to the One who is perfect in my place. Lead me to the place where I can lay my burdens down and remember that “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Feeling like a failure doesn’t have to be a bad thing!! In fact, it can be one of the greatest blessings…because it reminds me that I am nothing without Christ.

Like Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I can be content with a messy house, piles of laundry and dirty dishes, a long and old TO-DO list, nails that need repainting, eyebrows that need plucking, plants that need watering, cars that need cleaning, books that haven’t been read, lessons that haven’t been learned, and pounds that haven’t been lost. I can be content with everything that makes my life a mess. I can be content with “my” schedule being “derailed” and God’s schedule being followed. I can be content with not being able to see how God is using me, knowing that surely He is doing whatever He pleases with my chaotic, unpredictable, so-not-a-routine kind of life.

I feel like I am just scratching the surface at what Jesus meant when he said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30).

Lord, take me deeper into the glory of Calvary!

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