Tag Archives: work

Suffocated by fear

9 Jan

I am seeing more and more that this is the reality of my life: I am being suffocated by fear. Specifically by the fear of man.

Let me back up: ever since we returned from Christmas vacation, I have felt depressed and gloomy. And not just like “This day sucks”–more like “My whole life sucks.” I have been questioning my job, my activities, my abundance of down time and feeling like  all I do is vain and worthless. My days are filled with nothing but idle fancies and mediocre attempts at life. But I’ll stop there lest I bore you with my “woe is me” babblings.

Even though I feel like being dead to the world, I have continued to exercise and get in the Word. And I went to my Women’s Group last night. (But I don’t care right now about my house being clean and tidy.)

The most helpful thing I’ve done is think. And ponder. Just in the past 24 hours, I’ve realized big things with even bigger implications.

I avoid human interaction.

It’s not that I don’t like people. I’m scared that they won’t like me.

I never thought I was a people pleaser. I thought I was confident enough of myself that I would do or say what I wanted.  Until today. I saw it with complete clarity and it explains a lot…

I’m not a people pleaser in the stereotypical way. When I hear “people pleaser,” I think of  a woman who bounces around, talking to everyone, never saying anything mean, always happy and cheerful, never a drag or downer on anyone, etc. I am definitely not that woman (Travis will vouch for that).

Instead, I want so much to please people–and am so scared that I won’t–that I don’t interact with them at all. I avoid them, pretend I don’t see them, don’t call them back. I’ve gotten a lot better at this since becoming a Christian (mostly because I’m mature enough to push myself to do it anyway) but I always get a sinking, panicked feeling when I know I’m going to have to talk to someone I don’t know that well. “What if it’s awkward? What if I don’t know what to say? What if I say something stupid? What if there’s a dead silence? What if? What if?”

Case in point: I go to an aerobics class 2 times a week. It’s at 5:30 AM in the morning so only the same ole die-hards go at that time. Pretty much the same women are in every class. Do I know a single one of their names  (besides the instructor’s because hers was posted on the schedule)? Nope. Do they know mine? Nope. When someone tries to talk to me, do I encourage the conversation or do I answer their question and then move off in a hurry? You guessed it…the latter.

Case in point: When a vendor who I’ve been working for almost a whole year now calls me on the phone, my stomach still sinks in the “I have to talk to him on the phone?” kind of way.

Case in point: The graphic designer I’m working with has had to make umpteen changes to our youth leader conference notebook. When my boss came over today with yet another change, I didn’t want to tell him that I didn’t want to ask our graphic designer to make another change but I didn’t want to disappoint my boss either. A tough decision of who to please…the graphic designer won. (But only until Monday when I need to ask Phil about paying him more money for all of those changes…dangit!!)

I don’t make time for other people. And I don’t go out of my way to talk to people. Besides my boss and people I work with directly (and them only when it’s necessary), I rarely talk to anyone at work.  I mingle at church but only when I’m “in the mood.” I don’t talk to any strangers. Most of the time I don’t even say hi. Even with the women who are in my care group, the women I know the best out here in CO, I feel unlike myself and very conscious of what I say and who I am around them. 

I didn’t used to be like this!! In college, I met and interacted with new people all the time. I discipled girls. I had close friends. I talked to lots of people at work. What is happening to me?!?!? I feel so far from that girl I used to be that I have no idea where to start in getting back there…

These realizations coupled with the challenges at my job and the exhaustion I feel for no apparent reason make me want to both cry and throw my hands up in defeat. I feel defeated. I feel so overcome with failure and incompetency that I feel suffocated. I feel like I’m stuck underwater, breathing through a straw.

I do believe that God is sovereign over everything and that He loves me…so He is in control of the way I feel right now and ultimately, He is using this  life reckoning for my good. I know that good will come out of all of this…which is why I haven’t allowed myself to give up hope or to stop thinking about what’s wrong and praying for God to mend my life. It may be broken but it’s redeemable.

But I do look at other people, even other Christians, and envy their contentment in life. They are finding joy in their everyday lives. They feel like what they do everyday, no matter how mundane or anticlimatic, is right and they understand their life. At least that’s what it looks like. I’m pretty sure they understand their lives better than me. Because I don’t understand mine at all.

I know God created us to be humans and to do humans things, like shower and drive cars and read books and laugh and joke and sleep. But there is a voice inside me that won’t stop saying “There’s got to be more to life…”

I’ve been reading through Romans since the new year began and yesterday and today I’ve been focused on 1:21-32. The verses illustrate what humans are like without God’s grace and loving restraint in their lives. Verses 28-32 show all the sins that result from having a depraved mind–there are a lot of them.

I’ve been very aware of my mind lately and how it has been questioning and arguing with God, the gospel, and what I thought I knew of reality. I know that I have a depraved mind. I see in myself a complete inability to believe anything about the gospel without God enabling me to believe it. So I am very comforted by another verse, Colossians 3:16, which I will end on.

“…Put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator.”

Amen.

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Gulp.

7 Jan

I found out Monday afternoon that, in addition to Mandee leaving for grad school, the other Mandy is leaving in March to help out with her husband’s company. So the people left in MarComm are me and…me.

Gulp.

Tristan is the only other person technically part of the MarComm department but he doesn’t help with mailings, advertising, PR, tradeshows, partnerships, strategy, etc.–in short, all the things that are now on my plate (and my boss’ too).

“Well at least you have job security,” Mandy said.

I guess…

I’m trying to not freak out; really, I am. I’m trying to trust the Lord with it  and believe that I can learn the ins and outs of PR and advertising in a month and a half. I can handle this.

I’m still freaking out a little. I mean, I’m in the department alone. Me. I AM the Marketing Dept. I feel overwhelmed and underprepared. I am daunted by the tasks ahead. But I’ve been reminding myself of Philippians 4:13–“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” So with the Lord’s help, I can get through this season.

But still, a little voice says…

Gulp.

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Compelled to be grateful

5 Jan

For the past several months, the non-profit ministry I work at, Dare 2 Share Ministries, has been struggling financially. We’ve watched our donations and conference registrations significantly go down…and stay down. To stay afloat, we stopped buying kitchen supplies, eliminated 2 conference cities, permanently cut the not-absolutely-necessary spending from our budget, and prayed earnestly for God to provide for our ministry. In the course of 6 months, about 12 people left on their own accord to pursue other opportunities, which, by God’s grace, prevented today’s events from happening any sooner

But the lagging economy and lack of donations caught up with us…4 people were laid off today. They determined it according to which jobs could be absorbed the easiest.

I can’t help but thinking that my job would be eliminated if I weren’t the only full-time person left in the Marketing dept (besides our web guy, but he just does web). As I sat there thinking about how it would feel to have the rug pulled out from under you like this, to have a family to support, to try to find a job in this economy, I felt amazingly grateful and relieved that I still have my job. Then the guilt set in: how can I sit at my desk, not doing work (because there isn’t any!), when 4 people from the ministry no longer have a job? How can I do that?

I can’t. I have to find work to do and be productive with my time. It’s frustrating at time because I think of the things that I could change or create or do and then realize that I’d have to get approval, jump through hoops, sign paperwork, etc just to make it happen. I feel trapped at times, like I can’t make any professional decisions without asking permission from my superior. But such is life and that can’t be my excuse keeping me from working as if I’m working for the Lord and not for man.

As my team and I were praying this morning for those who were laid off, I pondered my surge of gratitude and how it illustrates the gospel. I really feel like I don’t deserve to keep my job; I don’t feel like I’ve been “earning my keep” so to speak. So I feel incredibly fortunate and blessed to still have it–like I’ve been spared something awful. It puts into sharp clarity the kind of gratitude I should constantly feel as a result of the gospel. All of my words and deeds were setting me up for an eternity in hell–that was what I deserved. Instead, I received eternal life through absolutely no accomplishment or merit of my own. I have been ultimately spared. And just as I feel my gratitude at still having a job overflow into a desire to be productive and useful, so should my gratitude at being spared from hell overflow into a desire to make my life meaningful and to live it for Jesus and what brings Him glory.

I love seeing everyday events frame the gospel in an eye-opening way. My heart grows so insensitive and cold to the amazing truth of the gospel that I become cynical and unbelieving. I ask “Why should this matter to me?” instead of “Why would God choose me?” I am humbled. I am blessed. And I feel like God has proverbially hit me on the nose and told me to pay attention to what has been so graciously and undeservedly given to me. Thanks for the wakeup call God.

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Lethargy.

31 Dec

Since getting back from vacation, I have felt like my whole body is filled with lead. I feel lethargic and sapped of energy. Even though I’m still carrying on with my daily activities (going to work, exercising, unpacking, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry), I feel like I’m doing it all in a haze. If it weren’t for my stubbornness and OCD-organization, I probably would have just gone to bed the minute I got home last night. That’s what I really felt like doing.

But no, I made myself cook dinner (which was supposed to be 15 Bean Soup that I got from Carolyn, Travis’ sister…until I read the directions and found out the beans take 2.5 hours to simmer…but I had already soaked them so I was kind of committed to making the soup, even if we weren’t going to eat it right away…so I trudged through it…until 10:00 PM when it was FINALLY done!). I also did all the dishes (there were a lot!), did Pilates, and put away the folded laundry. I also got up this morning at 5:10 AM to go to my aerobics class (note to self: don’t do Pilates the day before aerobics…puts a severe damper on your energy). All of this activity usually comes naturally. But not this time. I even had to force myself to read my book while waiting a whole $&%@ hour for the &$!% italian sausage to cook so I could add it to the soup (I was not a happy camper by the end of it…hopefully the soup is worth it).

The thing that’s really weird, though, is that the bed in our guest bedroom has tons of stuff piled on top that needs to be put away. We also need to take down all of our Christmas decorations. But even my anal, tidy self can’t muster up the energy to do those 2 things. I keep throwing more things into the guest bedroom, telling myself “I really need to take care of this stuff,” words that normally force me into action. But these words are falling on voluntarily deaf ears.

Eh, maybe I’ll do it tomorrow…

[Update 1/2/09: I actually did put away and take down all that stuff on New Year’s Day…but not until I had watched football and taken a 2-hour nap. :)]

I can’t help but wonder if my lethargy is a carryover from work. I’m stuck in a state of having some work, but not enough to fill 8 hours. Having to work without the motivation of a time crunch is more draining, I think, than having so much work to do, you don’t know if you can get it all done. I would much prefer the latter. This slowness is killing me…and possibly turning me into a tortoise.

We’re going to some friends’ house tonight to ring in the New Year. It’ll be good to see our friends from church…but to be honest, I would be perfectly content sitting lethargically on the couch watching movies and drinking champagne. Guess I’ll have to force myself to party too. 🙂 Shucks.

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B.O.R.E.D.

21 Nov

There’s nothing worse than having nothing to do at work. 

I’ve tried to think of things I could do. Filing? Nothing to file. Organizing? Already organized. Work on the website? Waiting for approval. Work on the postcard? Still waiting on concept. Put address labels on the Thank You cards? Still waiting for the Denver list.

The trouble is (and this isn’t his fault) is that Phil (my boss) has way too much to do. And he is looking for clarification/insight/direction/strategy from Debb and Greg (the VP of Ministry Advancement and the President, respectively), who also have way too much to do.

Ah, yes, the bottleneck. You are back again.

While the idea of having nothing to do at work is somewhat appealing in theory, it is downright loathsome in practice. I see my days tick away, nothing accomplished but sitting in a chair and getting stiff legs. How many blogs can I read? How many times can I change my desktop background? I have even contemplated decorating the office in handmade snowflakes. Hmmm…

My fear when I reach a point like this is that all the things that are bottling up now are going to break loose later. But at this point, I’d welcome a flood of to-do’s. Back in September, I was so busy that trying to stay at 40 hours a week (no overtime pay at our non-profit) became a struggle. We had conference preparations AND a new product launch all happening at the same time. And now? Nada pasa.

We’re kind of in this weird transition phase in the Marketing department. Our director left about a month ago (single tear still!) and then our PR Coordinator just left too (double single tear). Our Marketing Assistant is planning on leaving in January for grad school (though she might still work as a part-time contractor) and our Project/Program Manager only works 2 days a week. Besides me (the Creative Resources Coordinator), there is the Web Guy and our Interim Director, Phil. That is the D2S Marketing Department. Yikes.

What I am really praying for is that they hire someone for some position in the Marketing Department–and soon. I don’t want to be a one-woman Marketing Department. If they don’t hire anyone, I may just threaten to quit as well. We’ll see what happens then.

But at least then I wouldn’t be bored, huh.

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Sharing the Good News

16 Nov

This weekend has been a culmination of sorts. It was the Dare 2 Share Invincible Conference in Denver. I was at the event for the whole weekend and while it was physically draining (I’ve had an incurable headache all day), it was spiritually nourishing. Not only did my personal relationship with the Lord benefit (which I will talk about in a little bit), my job became ever more valuable.

Over 7,000 people filled the Pepsi Center for the conference. That’s a lot of students. And I have to tell you, it is beyond amazing to see these young people on fire for Christ. Not only are they fellow members of the body of Christ, they have found something to live for, a purpose for their lives. I can’t help but think back on my own life. What would my life look like if I had discovered that purpose in high school or even junior high? I have no doubt that if I had been invited to a Dare 2 Share event in junior high or high school, I would have rolled my eyes and said no. But maybe I would’ve gone…

There are hundreds of kids just like me (when I was that age) at our events: disinterested, apathetic, cynical, hopeless. And they leave the conference believing in their souls that Christ died for them. They leave with hope. They leave with the knowledge that, no matter how many people in their lives don’t love them, God loves them. And best of all, they leave with a burning desire to see their unbelieving friends come to know Jesus as well.

It’s ironic that I struggle so much with sharing my faith and yet I work at a ministry dedicated to teaching teens how to share their faith. I know God did that on purpose. Where else would I be continually convicted over the importance of giving hope to the lost, especially teens?

Our President, Greg Stier, is an amazing person. I’ve obviously heard him speak/preach quite a bit and know that since he is very animated and outgoing, he’s a great person to have speaking to a teenage crowd. But more than that, he is an inspiration. He inspires me to evangelize. God created Greg to eat, breathe, and sleep evangelism. He’ll tell you that ever since he became a Christian as a young boy, he’s been going around his neighborhood, around the mall, and now, around the country sharing the gospel. And not just in a preachy sort of way (though he does that too). He has the God-given ability to bring up the gospel with anyone, in any conversation. A guy in my care group also has that ability too. I get so inspired listening to both of them. They remind me that sharing the gospel is not something Christians do once in a while; it’s a lifestyle:

It’s walking through each day with the desire to share the gospel with someone, somehow. It’s seeing every situation and every conversation as a segue into the gospel. It’s seeing the gospel relate to every aspect of life, from waiting for a bus to eating a meal. It’s sharing the good news of Christ with those who are going to hell but don’t know it.

The biggest thing that happened this weekend was that God spoke to me. Listening to Greg speak, I knew the answer to my question, “What does living out my faith practically look like?” God’s answer:

Evangelism.

I’m pretty sure that I knew that was the answer all this time. And even now when I’m sure that it is the answer, I want to go look for a different one, one that’s not so scary and risky. One that I can feel comfortable doing. I feel like saying “God, I said I would follow you anywhere, do anything for You. But this? Anything but this…”

Whenever I think about sharing my faith with our neighbors or my brothers or friends from Travis’ work (since all of my co-workers are already Christians), I get a feeling of dread in my stomach. It’s like I’m back in 9th grade, dreading my next speech in speech class, feeling the impending doom of that fateful day.

But I know that it’s the answer, no matter how hard it is to take. I try to envision the living out of my faith without evangelism and it’s sort of like playing basketball with no hoops. I’m dribbling and running around but when I look up, I see that I’m just playing with myself. Similarly, it would be easy for me to just focus on my personal Christian walk. But when I look up at God, I see that I’m not actually playing in His game, I’m just sitting on the bench.

I want to play. I’m called to play.

But how do I play?

I know places I can start: my neighbor Patty, my brother Brian, friends I know through Travis. But beyond that… [insert big question mark].

I do know that my style of evangelism is going to look a lot different than Greg’s. He’s an outgoing person who speaks his mind…sometimes a little too much. 🙂 I’m not shy but I wouldn’t say I’m outgoing either. And I definitely like getting to know people before sharing the gospel instead of doing cold evangelism. So where to get to know people?

I’ll let you know what I come up with.

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A self-imposed glass ceiling

21 Oct

“I want to feel that each day is better than the day before and that I’m happy to be waking up and have the opportunity to do the things I do. And when I no longer feel that, I’ll do something else.”

That’s what Helene Gayle, CEO of CARE USA, said in the Newsweek from October 13, 2008. As I read that statement, I find myself half-scoffing at her, half-wondering what her secret is. How did she get to that place where she enjoys her job and feels that her life has meaning? How can she be so content with the world and herself to say that she wakes up feeling that every day is better than the day before? How I wish I had that contentment!!

I know all the trite Christian stuff: Christ gives my life meaning, I have so much to be thankful for, I have been given the greatest mission on earth, yadda yadda yadda. While I’m not saying those things aren’t true (since I still am a Christian, I know they’re true) what I have felt stirring in my heart and soul for the past year goes a lot deeper than that. Those pie-in-the-sky answers feel like a band-aid for a severed limb.

I’m disturbed lately about what my life is like. I’m not satisfied with it. I don’t like what I do everyday. I think it’s pointless. I’m living for myself and my own pathetic desires. I get up every morning to take a shower, do my hair and makeup, get dressed (while wishing for more and cuter clothes), eat breakfast, make lunches for me and Trav, read my Bible reading plan, fix some coffee and go to work. After work, I come home, make dinner (most nights), read/watch TV/blog, exercise, and go to bed.

These are the times when I think that being a non-Christian must be so much easier. Instead of fighting all the natural desires, you get to indulge them. Sure, they end being your ruin but at least you go down without a fight. But as a Christian, I feel like I’m stuck in limbo between 2 worlds. Half of me hates the materialistic, vain, narcisstic culture than we live in while the other half of me takes the bait and runs. I want to be free from the desire to have a big house, cute clothes, go on exotic vacations and see the world, have gorgeous wedding pictures, etc. But when I see others who have or do them, it feels like jealousy eats me alive.

Last weekend, I was in a major funk. All I wanted to do was sleep, laze, do nothing. So that’s what I did–and at the end of the weekend, I felt disgusted with myself. Yesterday and today I have been more active but still, what did I do that was of importance? Sure, I educated myself about the Colorado amendments and exercised. But I also watched 3 episodes of House and an hour of Boston Legal. Even if I had spent that same time reading though, I doubt it would have done anything for my conscience or sense of self-worth.

Some would say that my job (at a non-profit Christian ministry) is contributing something worthwhile. I suppose in some remote way, I am helping teens get trained to share their faith. But that’s just the thing–they’re the ones being trained to get out there. They are the ones living our vision out. Me? I just work there. Punch in my 9 to 5 and come home to…what?

I’m somewhat confounded at the seemingly sudden unrest with my life. Where did it come from? Why is it here? Why am I not like everyone else, going through life, content with the status quo, never doubting or guessing why their life is the way it is? Isn’t this what I’m supposed to be doing–working, married, living, breathing.

But it’s not enough for me.

I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even want to do this for the rest of the year. My life is passing by right before my eyes and I am doing absolutely nothing about it. I do dream about what my life would be like if I was doing something I really believed in, something I could feel good about leaving behind. A legacy of any sort. But I fear that if I died tomorrow, only my family and a few friends would truly care. Surely the world would not notice at all.

As I said earlier, this has been going on for about a year. Really, ever since we moved to Colorado. There’s something about being out here, about being torn away from everything so familiar that you don’t think twice about, that is revealing and intrusive. I try to think about my life back in Minnesota, about why I didn’t feel like this then. Why was I ok with my life? I’m really not all that different from who I was then. Actually, I’ve volunteered more out here in Colorado than I did back in Minnesota–one year vs. 24. Doesn’t that show that I’m becoming more concerned about others, rather than wasting my life on myself?

If anything, the times I’ve volunteered out here in Colorado have shown me just how little I do for anyone but myself. All of my thoughts constantly center on me and what I want. When I feel like I don’t do enough for other people, instead of moving into action to remedy the problem, I mope and feel depressed. Which just shows that it’s really all about me in the end anyway.

What I yearn to do is break free from living under my own glass ceiling. I dream about doing big things–but I always rationalize my way out of them. I fantasize about being impulsive and about throwing all my eggs into one basket to achieve something of epic proportions–but well-meaning advice from well-meaning friends coaxes me from the edge. So I try to pacify myself with a life of mediocrity, monotony, and quasi-fulfillment.

It may sound to some reading this that I’m on the verge of doing something rash. But I’m not. I know that the Lord is in control of my life and I truly believe that He has put this unrest in my soul for a reason. It has come along enough times now that I finally realize that I need to grab it and ride it, though I have no idea where it may take me and when. While my fleshly desire is to despair under the comforter on my bed, my Spirit is preparing me for the biggest battle I will ever have to fight–the battle against myself.

Was that last line too cheesy? 🙂 I couldn’t resist.

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Ode to CAK

14 Oct

Travis’ parents are in Colorado right now so that explains why I haven’t posted in a while. We were up near Granby for the weekend–they’re actually still up there but I had to come back to work (POO!)–and I did not have access to a computer. I have some awesome pics to post but I left my camera with Beth and Matthew (Trav’s mom and bro) so that they could take pictures of stuff if they wanted to (Lord knows I’m not taking any down here!) Once I get those pics, I’ll tell about what we did.

But right now, I am going to mourn. My boss Carol Ann Kelly (aka CAK) had her last day at our ministry on Friday. Her office is empty and it’s weird that she’s not here. To celebrate her memory (and explain why I’m so sad that she’s gone…because I realize that not everyone loves their boss like I do/did), here are some funny things about her:

I could hear her every once in a while in her office laughing at a funny email.

Even though her office was only 10 feet from my cube, she paged me on our phone intercoms–the funny thing was, when she didn’t get me, she’d just yell “Hey Kathy?”

She had her own language and “isms”–a few of which are (with sample sentences):

Ish: “That postcard drops October 24th-ish.”

Except not: “The Atlanta previews are this week…Except not–they’re really next week.”

Ness: “So the deal with the budget-ness is that we’re 59% over our allotted amount.”

So that’s fun: “Debb just told me that they want it done by Friday. So that’s fun.”

Whoopsy daisy: “We forgot to put in a PO for the Youth Leader Notebook. Whoopsy daisy.”

Brain dump: “I’m thinking we should just go to Starbuck’s for a brain dump fest.”

So here’s the deal: “So here’s the deal…we’re going to make these changes to the GOSPEL Journey Maui postcard…last ones I promise!”

She also got word and letter orders mixed up a lot. She’d say “Oback Barama” instead of “Barack Obama” and “Choy Sai Latte” instead of “Soy Chai Latte.” Instead of “a whole boatload,” she’d say “a whole buttload.” Instead of “put the pedal to the metal,” she’d say “put your foot to the pedal” or “put your metal to the pedal” or “put your foot to the metal.” The funniest parts came when she realized that she had messed up and said it again slowly so that she’d get it right…only to say it wrong again.

I realize it may sound like my boss is a woman who’s been sniffing the Ultra Fine Point Sharpies (her writing utensils of choice) one too many years… but CAK is a very intelligent, savvy, and strategic thinker. She sees the big picture and is not afraid to voice her opinions (and dissensions) 🙂

In addition to her wonderfully unique personality, CAK was a great boss. A lot of frustrating, unplanned, spur-of-the-moment stuff happens in our Marketing Dept but CAK kept us laughing and hopeful through it all, when it would have been really easy to get discouraged and crabby. She believed in her staff. She didn’t try to do our jobs for us or always need to have a say in everything. She trusted us and our judgment, which allowed us to grow and expand our horizons.

It’s the end of an era. I honestly don’t think our ministry will ever be the same without her. It’s not a bad thing–I know that we’ll survive without her but it’ll be different. Change is always hard–because the things you knew and loved get replaced with different things. The challenge is in accepting how the change is different and not trying to make it be exactly what the former was.

I love you CAK!

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The 9 to 5

1 Oct

I guess it’s more like 8:30 to 5:00 with my now-mandatory lunch break (poo on the mandatory lunch break!! I have so much work to do during the day that I don’t like taking lunches. I don’t like taking walks. I don’t like sitting outside because it’s either a) too hot, b) too cold, or c) there’s nowhere comfy/quiet/isolated to sit.) But alas, I have to take a lunch break (because I’m not going to lie about it).

Some days I do the crossword. Some days I read a book. Some days I check email and blog. That day is today. And I figured that I might as well write about work since I’m here and it’s what is bothering me.

You know what my problem is? I get way too easily sidetracked. When I see an email pop up on my screen or I see that little envelope/mail icon at the bottom right of my toolbar, it is all I can do to NOT check my email right at that moment. That’s why it’s so hard to take a lunch break at my desk. I usually end up working on my break still because of those darn emails!!

Add to that, I usually have about 5 different projects going on at any given time, all of which have their own  emails flying back and forth across cyberspace. Then I have all these little random things come up, like “Can you send me this file?” or “How much did we pay for this last year?”

It’s a good thing that I am the queen of multi-tasking or this job would drive me NUTSO! Honestly…And things lately have been a little more chaotic than usual because of the upcoming release of GOSPEL Journey Maui. It has been a huge project–very worth it but very time-consuming all the same. Then there are all the materials for our next conference, Invincible, starting in November so we’ve been cranking away at getting the Student Notebook sent to print (hopefully by tomorrow morning!!) Then I’ve been doing a lot more graphic design than before, tweaking this ad, creating that ad, mocking up other ads to send to the pros for real design. 🙂

Anyway, that’s my work world right now. And then my boss thinks that she’s leaving on October 10th. I joke that the ministry is going to get pulled into the black hole of her absence. Honestly, she knows so much about everything around here that it would take just as long to teach anyone else what she knows as it did for her to learn all of it (which was about 6 years).

Anyway, I know that, for my sanity, I need to be better about sticking to one project and getting it done before moving on. Because I flutter around from thing to thing like a hummingbird and I feel like I’m spending more time remembering what I was doing before than spending time doing what I’m doing now.

And now I have too many thoughts in my head so I’m going to go back to work.

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Weekend recap

29 Sep

It was a lot of fun having my parents out here. Friday night, we gave them “the tour” of our new house–which takes about a grand total of 2 minutes. Then we made dinner (penne with tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, and carrots; salad; and garlic bread) and went to see Burn After Reading (which is a horribly depressing, disturbing movie full of nothing but adultery and cursing…I don’t recommend seeing it). Then we ate some ice cream and watched House, at which point everyone except Travis fell asleep (my parents are the king and queen of falling asleep on the couch).

Saturday morning, I got up at 7:30 and made banana bread (my first time ever). After eating breakfast, we drove up to Fort Collins and then west on Highway 14 through the mountains to Steamboat Springs. It was a LONG drive (we covered over 300 miles that day) but it was SO beautiful–the fall colors were at or near their peak. The aspens have such a vibrant yellow and when they are next to the dark green of the evergreens, they stand out so much that it looks like they’re on fire. I took a lot of pictures–but my camera isn’t the greatest so it definitely does not do the beauty of the trees justice.

me and Trav

me and Trav

My cute parents

My cute parents

The Poudre River

The Poudre River

Sun reflecting off the water

Sun reflecting off the water

Sleeping Elephant Mountain

Sleeping Elephant Mountain

The contrast between the green and the yellow

The contrast between the green and the yellow

So picturesque, it doesn't seem real

So picturesque, it doesn't seem real

These trees were especially vibrant

These trees were especially vibrant

Looking out over North Park

Looking out over North Park

A Mountain Road lined with trees

A Mountain Road lined with trees

We ate lunch at the Moose Creek Cafe in Walden–a cute little mountain town.  Then, after bumming around Steamboat looking in all the overpriced shops for about an hour, we got back in the car and drove down past Vail, to Idaho Springs. We ate a late dinner (9 PM!) at Beau Jo’s–a GREAT pizza place. They have mountain pies, which are deep dish pizzas, and you have about 5 different sauces to choose from, 15 different meats, and about 20 different toppings. SO delicious. They’re “Colorado-Style Pizzas” so whenever someone comes out to visit, Travis and I take them there. Idaho Springs is the original Beau Jo’s so it’s huge and it has a lot of character.

Sunday, we went to church at Northern Hills Christian Church, which is about 25 minutes from our house. Greg Stier, the president of the ministry I work for, was preaching there and my parents (my mom especially) wanted to hear him preach and meet him. I prepped them before the service–Greg is a very enthusiastic, ADD speaker who talks really fast and is always walking around. They were really impressed with him though–he is a dynamic, captivating speaker. They also got to meet my boss (who is leaving our ministry after Oct 10th–sad day) and some of the other people I work with.

After church, we ate lunch at our house and then went shopping for patio furniture (what Travis and I decided we wanted as our housewarming present from them). After many unsuccesful attempts (we were about a month too late for patio furniture), we found some great stuff at American Furniture Warehouse, which we bought later that night and then picked up tonight. I’ll post pictures but I have to wait until it’s light outside and we have it all set up.

We also went to Sears Grand and I bought 4 new articles of clothing for $40. I got a REALLY cute skirt for $4! Travis was very gracious because he let me buy the clothes, even though I didn’t have any blow money left (that’s how we keep track of our spending–we each get $100 a month to spend on whatever we want. I have a bad habit of blowing mine in the first few days…whoops.)

Sunday night was the GOSPEL Journey Maui sneak peek at Northern Hills. We had a good turnout and it was really cool to see some of the episodes of this ginormous project we’ve been working on intensely for the past 3-4 months. My parents thought it was really interesting too and they enjoyed seeing more of what I’m involved with at work. Best part about that: the presentation that I created worked!!! (Long story…)

When we got back from the Sneak Peek and from buying our patio furniture, we watched another episode of House (everyone fell asleep even faster during this one) and went to bed. The weekend went so FAST!!

This morning, we saw my parents off. It felt like they had just gotten here. They left at 8:00 this morning and they are probably just getting home right now (it’s a 13 hour drive). I really appreciate their love and willingness to drive so far to see us for just a weekend. My parents are absolutely wonderful people and I feel so blessed by them.

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