I wrote back in November that I planned to start going to counseling. Here I am, on the cusp of March, with 5 sessions under my belt. Has it been helpful? Yes. Has it been what I expected? Not really.
I think I expected my therapist to overthink things like I do, and to give me deep, meaningful, existential explanations to my problems. Instead, the way she has been challenging my thinking has been utterly practical and no-nonsense. When I lament about mounds of laundry, kids’ messes, or frozen pizza dinners, her response is, “So what? Is anyone going to die if they wear dirty clothes or eat frozen pizza for dinner?”
Obviously the answer is no, so that begs the question – then why do I care so deeply? Why does it bother me so much when my house is a mess, or the laundry is undone, or I failed again to plan dinner? Even as I’ve been doing the hard work of trying to let go and be more relaxed about things, I find that there’s a tipping point. I can ignore the mess in order to go play outside with my family, but if I come back inside to find that they’ve made another mess, I lose my crap.
I honestly cannot fully explain why I have this neurotic need for everything to be in its place. And frankly, sometimes I feel fully justified in being neurotic, because isn’t this the way God created me?! This is just who I am. But sometimes it feels like my need for control is controlling me, and I can’t stop being controlled even when I try. I was expressing this to God the other day and He brought Galatians 5:1 to mind,
“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
It stopped me in my tracks.
In Christ, I have freedom. Freedom from my own need for control. I do not have to be a slave to my personality that desires organization and tidiness! Armed with that verse, I have the confidence to declare that I AM NOT A SLAVE TO CONTROL. Because of Christ, I can refuse to be dominated by my need for order, and I can instead prioritize relationships.
I have long tried to wage this battle equipped with my own paltry strength. Is it any wonder that I’m still struggling with the same old thing? But this verse has given me something new, infused my soul with gospel confidence. This is my birthright in Christ. This is what He has won for me! I get to live in freedom because of my Savior!
I told my husband about this, and encouraged him, “Please, if you see me going off the rails, remind me of this verse.” I am staking my claim to freedom in Christ, and I will not submit anymore to a yoke of slavery.
Coupled with this promise, I have decided to give up yelling at my kids for Lent. That has, unfortunately, long been the way I deal with the feeling of overwhelm and stress caused by my kids either not listening to me or getting out of control. So, no more yelling. (I am hoping to continue that beyond Lent too.) Instead, I want to pray. Out loud. Instead of screaming at my kids, “We need to go NOW! Get in the car or you will be in big trouble!” I want to say, “Father, we are late. And these kids are not listening to me. Help me maintain my patience and grace, and help motivate them to listen. I trust that we will get to wherever we are going and it will be ok that we are late.”
There’s a quote from Connected Families that I have on my computer desktop – “When kids misbehave, make obedience a secondary goal, and make accessing and walking in the fruit of the Spirit yourself the primary goal.” That is the idea behind “no yelling” – instead of relying on my own power and effort to accomplish, I run to God, confess my inability, and rest in His power to accomplish.
I put this into practice this past Thursday when my oldest daughter was not wanting to go to school, and threw a tantrum. We were 20 minutes late to school, but I walked out of dropoff with a smile on my face. Because I hadn’t yelled, but had instead connected with my daughter and found out that she just plain missed me, which is why she didn’t want to go to school. I am really looking forward to seeing how God works in me over the coming months.
I’ll end with just the amazing feeling that I have of God personally ministering to my soul. I feel so unworthy of even His sideways glance, let alone of His speaking into my struggles. Counseling has been helpful, but the Spirit is the ultimate Counselor.
This past weekend, I went to a Women’s Retreat at a place called Camp Lebanon. There were about 100-150 other women there, 20 from my church. I had an amazing time. The speaker was engaging and taught straight from the Bible, the worship music was powerful, and the weather was fantastic so I got to spend a lot of time outside.
I walked down to the edge of the frozen water, but didn’t dare venture further onto the lake without anyone else around. Fortunately, I discovered a trail that followed the shoreline. The snow on the trail was packed down enough that I didn’t need snowshoes.
I stopped and gazed at a tree trunk with bark in a wavy pattern.
I took pictures, trying to capture the feeling I had so I could look back one day and remember. Remember how He met me out there.
Later I read Psalm 96:11-13 and my soul said, “Yes! That is what I felt on that winter morning walk.”
Size


Eating
Development

This past fall, Corbin developed a really weird skin rash every time he went outside for a period of 3-4 weeks. It would go away once he came inside, so it was obviously an environmental but we took him to the doctor just in case.
Some other things we’ve done since my last post on Corbin at 18 months:
Pumpkin Farm #1 – On fall break, we went to Farm on St. Mathias for the corn maze, and also went on a fairy walk in town. Both times, Corbin did not want to stay on the trail. ::sigh::

Pumpkin Farm #2 – Corbin’s favorite thing by far at Carter’s Red Wagon Farm was the mini golf course. He carried that club and ball around for a long time. He also played in the corn pit, which at first freaked him out, but he eventually warmed up to it (and then it was time to go).
Beach Day in October – It warmed up to almost 70 degrees one random day in early October, so we went to the beach. The kids were loving it!
Puzzles and Books – Mr. Bud’s obsessions for most of November and December were puzzles and books. The puzzles: he would get one out, bring it to the kitchen table, and proceed to throw all the pieces onto the floor. The books: he would grab one and then come pinch your pant leg to pull you over to the chair. Sometimes he’d let you actually read the whole thing, sometimes not. If he really liked a book, he’d make the sign for more when you were done, to have you read it again. So cute.
Phone – Mr. Bud’s most recent obsession is playing a toddler game on my phone. At first, he just wanted to watch me play the game. But now he has figured out how to play it himself, and he’s actually pretty good at it for a child who’s not even 2 yet! He also knows where I usually keep my phone in my purse, so he’ll go hunting for it if he wants to play. He also acts like a complete maniac if I get my phone out for something else. Case in point: 
Santa – Corbin was definitely NOT a fan of Santa.
Snow! – We have a LOT of snow this year already so there’s been a lot of opportunities to be in it.

And finally, one other random thing that Corbin enjoys doing is dumping out clean or dirty laundry and swimming in it.
He’s a funny little guy!

Size
Eating
Development














Size
Sleeping
Corbin still drinks 3-5 bottles a day. He is super attached to them. When he’s really tired and he sees you getting a bottle ready, he giggles (with his thumb in his mouth) because he’s so excited.
Eating
His first birthday party was a joint party for him and the girls, and it was a fishing theme.
He is a maniac! We were at a park with the girls one day and Corbin decided that he wanted to climb the ladder up into the play structure. It was a ladder at an angle that had flat, wide rungs so he was able to do it! As soon as he reached the top, he scrambled over to the slide and wanted to bomb down head first! I held on to him until Emma was at the bottom to catch him. I am surprised daily at the things he is willing to do!
Since my last post of him at 12 months, the snow has melted outside and we’ve been loving all the different types of weather! Corbin loves getting dirty and wet, and he is curious about everything. He rarely wants to be held–he wants to check everything out! Some gross things he has put in his mouth include: a bike chain, a live beetle, handfuls of sand, dirty flip-flops, tissues, leaves, acorns, and oak catkins. I also caught him one day with dog poop all over his hands but thankfully he did not eat it! (mom fail)




Corbin loves the water now. He enjoys bathtime (if he doesn’t have to deal with both sisters in the tub with him) and has been LOVING the beach. A few weeks ago, it was 90 degrees and we went to the beach, and he went all the way in the water (me holding him), without me even coaxing him! I’m guessing the water temperature was only in the 60s so he has those Minnesota genes after all. He has also been loving playing on the beach. This boy needs a sandbox at home!

We’ve tried taking Corbin on some bike rides in the bike trailer, but it’s not his favorite thing. Just like our girls, he’s a mover! He does ok in the jogging stroller. I took the kids to the zoo a couple weeks ago, and he was content to sit in the stroller if we were moving. We went into the cage where you can feed the parakeets, and had a bunch of birds on my arm, and Corbin was screeching in excitement. He wanted to touch them, but they’d fly away. 
Corbin also LOVES our dogs, and always tries to get close to them. Charlie is not having it but Katy will let Corbin snuggle and pet her. She’s only barked at him once, and it was when he pulled her hair too hard. She never nips, but the loud noise scares Corbin. Still, he is undeterred!







And that’s Corbin at 15 months!

Size
Eating
Development
She did well in Kindergarten at Pillager and can read sight word books fairly easily. She also likes to pretend to read books, making up her own story to go with the pictures. She has also started sounding out words and writing sentences on her own. The harder words aren’t spelled correctly, but I love that she is trying! She’ll even repeat slowly things that we say, and I can tell that she’s thinking about how you would write that.



In February, Emma got strep throat and Influenza A at the same time, and she did nothing but lay on the couch for about a week straight.
She has gotten better about praying with us at dinner. She used to refuse to fold her hands and would just keep eating, but now she’ll stop, fold her hands, and even sometimes offer to pray for us.
She loves playing with Annabelle, and is still usually the boss and mastermind behind their activities. They can totally be two peas in a pod, but they can also be at odds with one another. One day recently, Annabelle had set up her outside kitchen stuff and was pretending to cook mud pies. She walked away momentarily and Emma came along and started using the kitchen, putting things in a slightly different spot. When Annabelle returned, she started crying and collapsed into a puddle, looking at Travis. When Travis didn’t intervene, Annabelle went and got a stick, and started hitting Emma on the back with it. Undeterred, Emma played with one hand, and blocked the stick with the other, telling Annabelle halfheartedly to stop it.

And that’s Emma at 6 years!

Size
Sleeping
Even so, she still fairly hard to get to bed at night. She still likes rough-housing, and can frequently be found using Travis as a slide when we’re reading books before bedtime (or Mommy’s back if Daddy’s not around). Her bedtime shenanigans usually result in her hard noggin hitting someone else. They get hurt; she doesn’t feel a thing.
Eating
Her favorite foods are YOGURT, bacon, grape juice, graham crackers, strawberries, blueberries, grapes, egg sandwiches, jello, mandarin oranges, and applesauce. She still seems to prefer water over milk (though prefers juice over water), and doesn’t like the cheese that comes with Lunchables. Her favorite candy is gummies and Hershey kisses. Once, she hid in the bathroom eating chocolate eggs she had stolen from Emma’s backpack. Her favorite restaurants are China Garden (“China Buffet”)and McDonald’s.
Development
Around age 3.5, she was obsessed with asking us “What you like today?” and taking our order. She would also set up an ice cream shop and yell, “Ice cream for sale, ice cream for sale.”

Annabelle sporting her new shorter ‘do:
Annabelle loves her baby brother Corbin, and plays with him a lot. She has enjoyed pushing him around in her doll stroller, or pulling him around in the Mega Bloks wagon. She will also stop to squeeze or tickle his cheek as she walks by (one of her main expressions of affection). If Corbin is crying, Annabelle will go find him a toy to play with, and if he wakes up from his nap while I’m busy doing something, she’ll climb into his crib and entertain him. Lately, though, Annabelle will just walk up to Corbin and tip him over, which he of course doesn’t like. Not sure why she does that?




Annabelle flip-flops between demanding independence (No, I do it!) and acting like a wet noodle. She *can* get dressed on her own, go to the bathroom on her own, get on her jacket and shoes on her own, but she often acts like she can’t, or doesn’t even try. And then she makes you chase her when you try to help. ::sigh:: Though I will admit that when Annabelle puts her own shoes on, 90 percent of the time, they are on the wrong feet. She’ll ask “Is this the right foot?” When we go shopping, she either wants to push the cart, or ride in the cart.

One time this past winter, we had been at our neighbor’s house and Annabelle didn’t have the energy to walk home. So I left her on their driveway and told her I’d have Travis come back and get her on the snowmobile (we have a very quiet neighborhood). By the time he was on his way over, he discovered that she had ended up walking home on her own.
Annabelle is naughtier than Emma was, and back in January, I came downstairs after making dinner in the crockpot to find Emma and Annabelle, completely naked, throwing wet paper towels and wads of toilet paper around Travis’ office and hallway (which we had just refinished with engineered hardwood) and sliding around in the water. Just, wow. Emma informed that Annabelle had been the instigator, and she tried to tell Annabelle that they shouldn’t do it, but then she got sucked into doing it too because it looked so fun.
And that’s Annabelle at 4 years!
