Tag Archives: children

Neola Bethany: 21 Months

25 Feb

Neola turned 21 months back on February 12. I was shocked last night when I googled the last update I had posted for Neola and could only find one for her at 13-14 months! I did write this post about her life in the spica cast for hip dysplasia after that, from when she was 15-16 months. But I still have a lot to catch up on! #fourthchild

Size

Due to Neola getting her last immunizations late and then being in a spica cast, Neola just got her 18-month immunizations and well-child check yesterday. So at 21 months, she weighs 26 lb 3 oz (74%) and is 2′ 10.5″ tall (87%), with a head circumference of 19.09″ (89%). She has definitely seemed to be taller than our other kids at this age, so these measurements are not surprising!

She is wearing all 2T clothing, and some 3T shirts/dresses. She wears size 6 shoes, and size 5 diapers.

Sleeping

Oy. This is still such a challenge. Neola has always wanted to be held for naps, even when she was a baby. But she was actually a decent night sleeper until about a year ago, when we were in Florida for the month of February. Our last 3-4 nights there, she started waking up a ton, so I pulled her into bed with me. And that was the beginning of the end. In hindsight, I should’ve just muscled through those rough nights, keeping her in her pack n play as much as she would be. (Just like I should’ve muscled through rough nights with Corbin at that age without resorting to letting him play games on my phone, which created a major problem for a few years). But here we are.

Since last February, I have been sleeping on a mattress on the floor in Neola’s room (with her on her crib mattress on the floor). It actually worked well for the time that she was in a spica cast and rhino brace for hip dysplasia, but now, I am over it. I want need her to start sleeping better, and napping on her own. I have been resistant to making changes, mostly because I get into a groove and I really dislike making changes. It feels like such a herculean effort, especially when I am managing so many different things already. But I need to keep the end goal in mind. Life will be so much easier and manageable in the long run if/when Neola starts napping and sleeping on her own.

The way things go right now, though, are this: Neola usually wakes up for the day between 6:30 and 7:30. She typically only takes one nap for 1.5-2 hours, usually starting between 11 and 1 (which I know is a big range — poor girl is at the mercy of the family’s schedule!) She also falls asleep in the car fairly easily (sometimes she just screams, but more often, she just falls asleep), so that means some days, she takes a short morning nap, or a late afternoon nap, and then her bedtime is messed up. It actually happens about once a week. She ends up staying up after the other kids, and motors around playing on her own contentedly while I fold laundry. That’s the only time I ever get laundry folded! On a normal night, though, she goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:30.

What do I do while I am holding her for her naps? I listen to podcasts, read ebooks on my phone, research things, etc. It’s actually a pretty enjoyable time, and I do appreciate the way it forces me to take a break. But the challenge is that it makes it harder to get school done with the girls (especially on the days that Corbin is home instead of at preschool).

Eating

Neola can be a finicky eater, and I often feel like she doesn’t eat what I give her, but I think part of that is that 1) she’s so busy that she doesn’t often want to sit at the table to eat and 2) we often feed her in the car on the way somewhere. Neola is at the age where she hates getting into her carseat (she would much rather play in the car!), so I often bribe distract her with a treat to get her in her carseat with minimal drama.

Neola’s favorite foods (the ones she will eat the most consistently) are: applesauce, goldfish, mac & cheese, raisins, and candy. Other foods that she usually likes (but not always) are: cheese, bananas, berries, bacon, summer sausage, yogurt, and celery or carrots with dip. Like many kids, she loves dipping her food in either ranch or ketchup. Dip makes all things better.

Neola is not afraid to use her front teeth to take bites (Corbin hated doing that, so he always wanted his food cut up at this age). She will rip off a bite of a meat stick or carrot like it’s no big deal!

Development

Because of being in a cast and rhino brace for hip dysplasia, Neola didn’t start walking until she was about 19 months old. She was able to crawl around for 10-15 minutes at a time in her spica cast, but it was hard work. Once she got into the rhino brace, it was only a day or two before she was crawling around. She was also able to stand, sit, and climb the stairs in the rhino brace. She was much happier with the increased mobility (in the cast, she often got bored and whiny). She had to wear the rhino brace day and night for 12 weeks. (As I write that, I am shocked that we survived!! 6 weeks in a cast, and 12 weeks in a brace.) By the end of her time in the rhino brace, she was even taking a few steps in it. So once she was cleared to not wear it during the day, it was only a day or two before she was walking.

She is supposed to still be wearing the rhino brace for ~12 hours a day (at night). We had her most recent hip dysplasia appointment right before Christmas, and she was still wearing the brace at night until about the second week of January. But she progressively got less and less tolerant of it. At first, I started taking the brace off around 5 AM, so that Neola would sleep in later. Then she started waking up an hour after going to bed, upset that she was in the brace, so I would take it off. Finally, she started screaming when I even tried putting her in the brace at bedtime, so we just had to stop it. She gets another x-ray at the end of March, so praying we’ll still get good news.

Her treatment for hip dysplasia has actually gone really well, though. When she had her first surgery, we were pleasantly surprised (considering her age) that she was able to have a closed reduction (no incision). After six weeks in a cast, her femur ball stayed in the hip socket well enough that she didn’t need to be recasted (as we been planning), but could go straight into a rhino brace. All of her x-rays since then have shown progress, albeit slow. Mainly what her doctor is looking for now is for the hip socket to grow deeper, to better match her other hip socket (that didn’t have dysplasia).

Besides Neola having a wider-than-normal gait, looking at her now, you would never know that she had been treated for hip dysplasia. She is a busy, active, rough-and-tumble toddler! She loves being in the mix, often instigating roughhousing and wrestling. In the past 3-4 months (and especially since she started walking), Neola and Corbin have really started playing together. Overall, Corbin is good at toning down his play to Neola’s level, though he does occasionally make her cry. Just recently, Corbin and Neola were playing “Alligator” where Neola would run around while Corbin “chased” her making alligator noises. It cracked Neola up.

Neola also gets a lot of attention from Emma and Annabelle, but does not like being coddled, cuddled, or babied. She is an independent little girl!

Things Neola loves:

  • Carrying/hugging baby dolls, most often several at once. “Baaybeeee,” she says in her adorable little voice.
  • Pushing/pulling around a laundry basket, wagon, stroller, sled, or shopping cart full of various things. Emptying the things out one by one, only to turn right around and put them back in one by one.
  • Taking baths or playing in water in the sink or in a bowl on the counter
  • Climbing onto the kitchen table or counter
  • Coloring with markers and pens
  • Playing with Eating playdough
  • Being in the mix with her siblings

Things Neola has done since her last post:

Celebrated her 2nd Christmas

Gone sledding & snowmobiling

Played in the leaves, hiked in the woods (on Mommy’s back), and had a couple of winter campfires

Went to the Great Wolf Lodge waterpark (she did well overall) and Otter Cove Children’s Museum in Fergus Falls

Dressed up like a ballerina for Halloween and playing games at Big J’s Pizza Arcade

Words that Neola knows and says right now are: Mommy, Daddy, Ba (ball or sheep sound), Baby, Help (when she wants to help with laundry), See (when she wants to be lifted up to look outside), Guys (referring to Emma, Annabelle, and/or Corbin), Nana (banana), Side (when she wants to go outside). She also says “Yeah!” a lot in response to different questions like “Do you want to get down?” or “Do you want to go have a snack?” Probably the thing she says the most often though is “Daddy Shy” or Daddy Tie” — Travis and I debate whether it’s Shy or Tie at the end — or “Mommy Shy/Tie”. So much so that we’ve started calling her Buschky Shy or Buschky Tie. Her nickname started off as Babushka, then morphed into Buschky. We also call her Ba-bee (short “a” as in cat).

And that’s Neola at 21 months!

Hopefully I’ll post another update on her around the time she turns 2 (on May 12)!

Choosing Joy Instead of Control

3 Feb

As I write this, duffel bags stuffed full sit in piles around my living room floor. My kids have been wiling away these below-zero Minnesota days playing “Airport.” Unopened packages of diapers and wipes, baby dolls, and papers with ticket numbers and gate designations are also strewn haphazardly throughout our entire main level. A mound of pillows and blankets rises up from the bottom of the stairs (not related to the Airport game), and the kitchen counter is covered in watercolor paint.

These are the remnants of a homeschool day.

I verbally and intellectually assent to one of the benefits of homeschooling being time to play, time to imagine. And I do truly believe that. But this mess, this is the price. The price I never really want to pay. As a person whose personality has always been “A place for everything, and everything in its place,” the sweeping and unnecessary removal of things from their places seems brazen, reckless, and draining. “But all of that was where it belonged!!” I fume.

And they don’t just limit the stuff they put into bags (so. many. bags.) to their own stuff. They also bag up pantry food, bogart dish towels and plastic plates, and temporarily relocate Mommy’s Decorations.

It’s a fact that my kids’ abilities and propensities to create elaborate worlds (I want to say messes, but they really are deliberate schemes) that involve a lot of stuff far, far, far outstrips their energy and willingness to put all that stuff away. I really don’t think they are unique in that regard. As a 1 on the Enneagram, this is where my inner critic pipes up and says, “And you put away too many toys for them! You let them get away with too much! They should be forced to pick up ALL of their worlds/messes themselves. If they were, perhaps they wouldn’t make such big messes.”

Thanks inner critic, that’s very… unhelpful.

We do require our kids to help clean up. They each have a nightly chore.

But like I said, the mess is bigger than their willingness to clean, and my willingness to force them. (Plus, I secretly really enjoy putting things away, but that’s beside the point.)

These messes drive me kind of batty, like eye-twitching batty. I hate messes. I hate things being out of place. I am the person who walks by the bookshelf on the way to the bathroom, or to get a cup of coffee, and stops just to shift a decoration over half an inch, so that it’s exactly “where it should be.”

Needless to say, having four kids and homeschooling* while trying to keep a clean, tidy house is an exercise in futility.

Even as I write those words, I can imagine all the moms out there on the other side of the internet reading my words and sighing exasperatedly, “No, it’s not futile!” Whether they’re saying that from the position of having conquered the house messes, or from being unwilling to wave the white flag in their quest for the tidy house, I’m not sure. Maybe a little of both?

Tonight, I started down the familiar ruts of throwing toys around (if they break, I throw them away without remorse) and venting at my kids about the messes they make but don’t clean up, but I knew — the Spirit reminded me — that that was not how I wanted to act. So I took a breather. I stood out in my 33-degree garage in the dark, praying to God.

He reminded me that “My kids are more important than a clean house.”

I could think of so many objections, so many qualifications. But my personality…! But they need to learn…! But they are being…!

No. No excuses. No buts.

If I truly want healing, if I truly want wholeness, if I truly want peace, I have to do things God’s way.

I have to do things God’s way.

I hate to admit that God’s way is quite a bit different than how I have been handling these messes. In this struggle and tension, I am often reminded of the amazing quote from Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts:

“I’m blind to joy’s well every time I really don’t want it. The well is always there. And I choose not to see it. Don’t I really want joy? Don’t I really want the fullest life? For all my yearning for joy, longing for joy, begging for joy–is the bald truth that I prefer the empty dark? Prefer drama? Why do I lunge for control instead of joy? Is it somehow more perversely satisfying to flex control’s muscle? Ah–power–like Satan. Do I think Jesus-grace too impotent to give me the full life?”

page 130

I lunge for control instead of joy.

So tonight, after regrouping and praying, I came out of the garage, dried my tears, walked past all the messes, gave my kids hugs, told them I loved them, and apologized for yelling at them. I told them that they were more important than the messes, than a clean house.

And I want to live there, whether it be amidst messes or amidst a semi-tidy house.

I want to choose joy, instead of control. Connection over cleanliness.

(*I add homeschooling because when our kids attended public school and were gone for the whole school day, it was very different. It was still busy, still challenging, but there was much less house mess to contend with.)

The Raw Struggles of a Homeschool Mom

2 May

I make plans. They look so good on paper. I feel optimistic, like maybe I could actually get all the stuff done that needs to get done. I’m not being unrealistic. Maybe ambitious, but not ridiculous, right?

Then life happens, and I am forced to admit that yes, any ambition in my season of life with my specific kids is ridiculous. If it’s not the baby crying or needing a nap, it’s the toddler/preschooler throwing another tantrum and becoming the wedge pulling me in multiple directions. And if it’s not him, it’s my big girls complaining about school or whining about my making them clean up the messes they’ve made. And if it’s not them, it’s the dog chewing up a poopy diaper or my husband venting frustration that he can’t find the tools that HE moved. NO ONE COOPERATES. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE ASSIGNMENT.

I feel good on the days we actually do more for school than just math and reading. Not just because I feel like the girls are learning more, but also because those extras are fun. They’re creative, and not just the “bang it out so you’re done” school.

But those days are few and far between. 

This season of life — baby who won’t nap without being held and wakes up 4-5 times a night (on a good night); preschooler who is intense, loud, and over-dramatic; homeschooling 1st and 3rd grade; husband who could be (and should be) working 60 hours a week — is breaking me. Both Travis and I are being swallowed up by so much stress and chaos that we might go down with the ship, and never recover. 

What does God want? Put aside the voices of other homeschooling moms, and even my own standards, and ask, What does God want from my day? Does He want me to follow the schedule I’ve laid out in my planner, forging the path no matter who I mow down or flatten? Or would He rather me walk in obedience, which looks like trust and patience? No yelling, no forcing, no threatening. Just clear expectations, and appropriate follow through.

I can’t live that way. That’s my first response. Because how would anything get done? And how can I keep my cool when they are so stinking disobedient?!

But what if, just like tithing is an expression of trusting God to materially provide what we need, acting in love and patience was an expression of trusting God to multiply the time? Trusting that what He wants us to get done WILL get done. And whatever does not get done, didn’t need to be done.

But I don’t want to surrender control to my schedule, and my agenda. I have surrendered everything else! I have surrendered my body, my time, my sleep. I have given up my hobbies, my lunch, my sanity. Must I also surrender this?!? 

“I just want to…” The death knell of those words. That’s what I was thinking this morning. “I just want to do school so we can be done!” And “I just want to go on a freaking walk!!” Those words are my discontentment. Those words are me saying to God, “I don’t want this life. You are not enough for me.” 

After studying Jesus’s awe-full sacrifice on the cross, how could I possibly say to my Lord that He’s not enough for me? I am not enough for Him!! He is everything for me, and more. 

Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. I am so overwhelmed by emotions, by frustrations and feeling thwarted by my kids in every aspect of life. Help me see and believe that YOU ARE NEVER THWARTED. Your plans are ALWAYS accomplished. Do I believe that? Do I believe that Your plans for my kids will be accomplished? 

I don’t want to admit that I’ve been wrong. I don’t want to go back to my kids, with my tail between my legs, and say that *I* was the one in the wrong this morning. Because THEY…!!! But I must. I must repent. I must choose God’s way. I must surrender. If I want true freedom, true peace, true contentment, I must do it God’s way.

Give me the strength, Lord. Give me the kind of strength You had during your trial, beating, and crucifixion. Strength borne out of complete trust in the Father’s plan.