It has been a hot minute since I’ve posted anything on this blog. I’ve thought about it, but hobby time is still pretty hard to come by these days, and honestly, I’m going through a rough patch, and haven’t really had the words to post here.
As one does at the end of one year and the start of another, I’ve been thinking back over 2023 and projecting into 2024. Last year, my focus was Thirst: wanting to find time for more joy-inspiring, cup-filling activities, and not spending my labor on that which does not satisfy. I thought 2023 would be a stepping stone back onto the path of getting time and energy to do the things we enjoyed. And it was partly that. We did do more things, like camping. And after hemming and hawing over social media, I finally landed on the conviction that less is more for me, and pretty much stopped posting.
But mostly 2023 was a year of continuing to thirst. Of still yearning for more balance and less stress. Travis and I still have not found that “happy medium”, that “new normal”, after Baby #4 — and she’s over 2.5 years old. Well, I should say, we have found a new rhythm, but it’s a rhythm that has involved all margin and “free time” pushed off the table. It’s a rhythm that we aren’t ok with, and don’t want, but aren’t sure how to fix or make different.
That frustration has impacted my marriage, too. When two people are drowning, they can’t help each other. For the first time in 16 years, I found myself specifically choosing to not tell my husband how I really felt, because I knew that it would only cause him to spiral. But you can only keep secrets like that inside for so long before it starts to rot you at the core, so the feelings would spew out eventually, not kindly or timely.
So honestly, when the calendar changed to January 1, the last thing I wanted to do was make hopeful intentions for 2024. I’ve been disenchanted. It seems the only way to stop being disappointed by life is to stop hoping, to stop trying. If you have no expectations, they can’t be unmet, right?
But God. Even though I have not made daily time with Him a priority in a LONG time (really, I have no excuse, but lack of hobby time and a sleep-needy toddler are definitely the main reasons), He continues to meet me. He speaks to my soul. He reminds me of truth.
Truth like Psalm 23:4 — “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” I do not have to fear, because God is with me.
Truth like 2 Peter 1:3 — “For His divine power has bestowed on us [absolutely] everything necessary for [a dynamic spiritual] life and godliness, through true and personal knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” Like in Psalm 23:1 — “The LORD is my shepherd; I lack nothing.” I am able to live a godly life in these circumstances, with these people, because God has given me everything I need in Christ.
Truth like this from a recent BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) lecture: “Instead of starting with what you know and getting hung up on what you don’t know, start with what you don’t know, and end on what you do know.” I don’t know how we’re going to make it through this, but I know God will provide for us. I don’t know what God is doing here, but I do know that God is good, loving, and always has a purpose.
So even though my sinful, weak human flesh wants to wallow in self-pity, throw my hands up, and say “2024 is a lost cause”, God won’t let me. He gives me hope when I have lost hope.
As such, my focus for 2024 is going to be Cultivate, which means “to prepare or use (for crops or gardening) or to try to acquire or develop (a quality, sentiment, or skill).” Bible verses for inspiration are:
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!” (Psalm 126:5)
“Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:5)
“Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.” (2 Corinthians 9:6)
I really want to cultivate healthy and helpful habits in my life, things that I used to prioritize and love, but just haven’t figured out how to consistently fit in my life since Neola was born. Mainly, I’m thinking about a daily quiet time, exercise 3-4 times a week, and drinking water every day instead of just coffee (though coffee is definitely NOT going away!).
The word Cultivate also involves some house projects we’re hoping to accomplish this year. During the winter months here, we’re hoping to repaint our upstairs living room, hallway, stairwell, main bathroom, and kitchen, as well as add a backsplash. The kids have just dominated all the walls after living here for almost 10 years! We are also going to change the color scheme in the kitchen, since it was the previous owners who painted it the color it is.
We’d also like to make some progress on the room that is currently Travis’ office. Right before Neola was born, we added a wall in our basement to make a fifth bedroom (it totally should’ve been a bedroom, but whoever finished the basement left it as a bar/pool table area). The side of the wall facing the living room is finished with weathered hardwood, but the side in the office is still just sheetrock. The electrical wiring for that room, though, needs some major work because it is totally wonky (from the previous owners), so that is the next step, and we’re hoping my dad will come help with it. 😉
This spring and summer, we’re hoping to make a permanent fire pit area on the side of our house, overlooking the river. Last summer, Travis cut the brush, tilled it, and planted a combination of clover and grass there, so it’s all ready for us to get to work. I’m really looking forward to having a cozy, comfortable fire pit area with furniture that we can just leave outside! (Our old fire pit was right on the edge of the yard, and surrounded by grass, so we had to sit on camping chairs and put them away all the time for mowing. Lame!)
I will close with Psalm 19:14 as a prayer for 2024: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”
Life, Really Blog 