Tag Archives: kids

{9-month Update} 2025 Focus: Peace

8 Oct

I posted back in January that my focus for this year was PEACE. I wanted to strive for peace and not perfection, in my home, my homeschool, and my personal goals.

You know that saying, “When you pray for patience, God gives you situations you have to be patient in”? Well, that’s kind of been my reality this year. I’ve had many opportunities to practice choosing peace over perfection, and to be honest, I’ve kind of failed.

Not that I haven’t been trying. When the kids make yet another mess or pack yet another bag to go “camping” in our backyard with yet another blanket or towel that I will have to wash yet again, I really try to let it go. I really, really do. They’re having fun! They’re making memories! They’re playing outside, and together!

But when they have forts set up in the living room, and Barbies plus Barbie accessories strewn across the basement floor, and there are cups and bowls and wrappers everywhere, and they’ve brought toys outside and left them in the woods, I just reach a point where I’ve had ENOUGH!

Then I’m rampaging mommy. I’m bear-growling mommy. I’m eye-twitching, can’t-see-straight mommy. Peace has left the building.

It’s not about perfection, mind you. I don’t need my house or my kids or my homeschool to be perfect. But when it’s ALL a mess, I feel bitter and angry. The thoughts start going through my head, “Do they know how much time I have spent organizing these things so that they can find them? Then they just dump them all into a bag and haul it into the woods. Do I WANT to spend all my ‘free time’ putting crap back where it belongs? NO! But who else will do it? NO ONE!” I throw myself a pity party.

I was feeling like that just this past Sunday when (no lie) there were forts in my living room and Barbies in my basement. I wanted them to be put away (it had been a week), but the kids were aghast. “But then I won’t have a place to sell my newspaper! But I just set it up! But I’m planning to play with it tomorrow!”

::internal mommy growl::

I went and sat on the front porch feeling bitter and trapped and frustrated. But as I sat there, I realized something. If I truly want PEACE, it can’t be based on circumstances. It just can’t. There will ALWAYS be something in this life, big or small, to destroy my peace. My peace needs to rise above my circumstances.

I’ve also been seeing over the past several weeks how my lack of peace on a daily basis is a result of not trusting God. Instead of trusting Him, I seize control to make my agenda happen (like making sure all the homeschool boxes get checked no matter what), or I resent being forced to deal with an inconvenient or unpleasant situation (child peeing their pants at a park with no extra clothes).

But what if, when my feathers are ruffled, I recognized the reality of God with me? God’s presence to guide me into His purposes each moment, and to help me when those purposes are hard, unpleasant, and sooo far from what I would choose, trusting that “this God–His way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him” (Psalm 18:30).

I want to. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).

What prevents me from trusting God in those moments? Control. I read an awesome quote on Instagram the other day that just stopped me in my tracks:

“God can do far more with your surrender than you can do with your control.”

Wow.

I seize control because I think all these things are necessary, that they have to get done. Or I get so fed up with the interruptions to my plan, like kids fighting, being needy, or clogging the toilet again. But God can do more in me and in my life if I surrender to His plans, His agenda–aka all the things that happen in a day. “This thing is from Me” (1 Kings 12:24).

Another quote that has really challenged me during the last few weeks was from Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest: “The true expression of Christian character is not in good-doing, but in God-likeness.” As a mom of 4, I am constantly doing. And there is always more to do. My focus is very much on doing. But when I am doing things in an attempt to control my environment or schedule or kids, and not from a desire to be faithful to my role or to serve those around me, my doing is often accompanied by very un-God-like words or behaviors. So I may be getting things done, but at a terrible cost.

I have also been ruminating for the last several months on Isaiah 30:15, which says, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.” The Easy-to-Read (ERV) translation says, “Only by remaining calm and trusting in me can you be strong.” In looking up that verse, I also came across Isaiah 32:17, “And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness quietness and trust forever.”

Sanctification — becoming like Christ, growing in righteousness — isn’t about following the rules better, or controlling your temper better, or living a life in a monastery so that you have fewer temptations, opportunities, or causes to sin. It’s a deepening TRUST in God — in what He allows and ordains. The tantrum in the grocery store. The spilled beverage as you’re running out the door. The continued sibling squabbles. The kid who won’t sleep in their own bed or past 6:30 AM.

Peace is inextricably linked to trust in God. You can’t have true peace without trusting in God. Because true peace comes from depending on the Author and Creator of the Universe to do and be who He has promised to do and be for you: All Things. He’s got it. “He who has called you is faithful; He will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

What does trusting in God look like? The verses and sayings I quoted above describe it: Quietness. Remaining calm. Enjoying periods of rest. Prioritizing God-likeness. Surrendering. Having PEACE.

And sometimes trusting in God looks like ignoring those living room forts and going for a run instead.

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Peace {2025 Focus}

25 Jan

Last year, my word was Cultivate. Similar to 2023 when I chose Thirst as my word of the year, my desires and inspiration for Cultivate were only partially met over the course of the year.

We had some house projects planned for last year, but we didn’t get to all of them. We patched and repainted our staircase (to get rid of dings and scrapes from the kids). We added a backsplash to the kitchen (and it took us waaaay longer to decide on the tile than I ever thought it would), and repainted the walls in there (deciding on the colors for the walls also took waaaay longer than I thought it would). But we didn’t finish repainting the upstairs, or work on our outdoor firepit patio at all.

As for my personal habits (daily quiet time, exercise, and water intake), those remained unmet. Y’all, the season of young kids is HAAAAARRRRRD. We were majorly spoiled by our third child — our son, Corbin — who loved sleeping, and actually preferred to sleep on his own. Our fourth, Neola, has been the complete opposite. She wanted to be held for naps when she was a baby, wanted to me to sleep in her bed (and she nursed during the night) until she was 2.5, and even now, when she’s 3.5, I more often than not end up in her bed sometime between 1 and 4 a.m.

Neola is also in the stage of what I like to call naptime purgatory, where she needs a nap, but she doesn’t need a nap. She fights going down for a nap, and when she does actually take one, she doesn’t want to go to bed until 10 pm, but if she doesn’t take a nap, she’s a mess and falls asleep in a chair at 5 p.m. without eating any dinner. Ugh!

On top of that, my husband had an extremely stressful job in 2023. He started at a new job in April 2024, and while the job change involved a pay cut, he is no longer stressed out beyond belief, and has a lot more flexibility, which has led to a MUCH better work/life balance. Having a fourth child in 2021 and homeschooling, with a husband who worked a lot and was always stressed, led to both of us feeling behind on 1,000 things, and we are still digging out of that, but every day is better than the one before. This past Friday, I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted and couldn’t shake out of the fog for the first half of the day, and my husband pointed out how far we’ve come, because I used to wake up feeling like that a lot, he said.

All that to say, I still have the same personal goals as years past. Specifically, spending at least 15 minutes in quiet time with God a day, 20 minutes outside (during winter), 30 minutes of quality time with my kids, exercising for at least 20 minutes 3 times a week, and drinking at least 64 oz of water a day. So far this year, some days it has been surprisingly easy to get all that in, some days it has been frustratingly hard, but the majority of days, I do most, but not all of those things. It’s like I have spots for 4 things, but not all 5, and if I make room for one thing, another gets pushed off.

Which leads me to my word for this year: PEACE. When striving for personal goals, I seem to have two extremes: demanding my needs get met at others’ expense, or giving up and not having goals. It takes so. much. faith. in God to be intentional with open hands! To pursue goals but also be gracious when life happens. It ultimately comes down to, do I trust God to provide for and sustain me? Or do I seize control through these things to provide for myself? If my goal and focus was PEACE and not checking off my list, my personal goals would not be ends in themselves, but the means of helping me live peacefully.

I also have to be honest here and say that while my household runs fairly smoothly with routine and chores, it is often the opposite of peaceful. And a lot of that has to do with me and my attitude. I often feel angry and bitter over the lack of control I have over my own schedule (leading to the lack of fulfilled personal goals). I get mad at interruptions during homeschooling, I react impulsively during tantrums or fights while I’m doing chores or making meals, I say words I regret when my kids demonstrate impatience or ingratitude. Sometimes I feel like my household is a whitewashed tomb — having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.

A few sayings and verses that inspired me to choose PEACE as my word for this year:

  • The goal is peace, not perfection.
  • Gratitude turns what we have into enough.
  • “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3).
  • “Any problem that comes between God and myself is the result of disobedience. Any problem that comes while I obey God (and there will be many), increases my overjoyed delight, because I know that my Father knows and cares, and I can watch and anticipate how He will unravel my problems” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, Dec 14).

I want to prioritize PEACE and not perfection. Peace, not a perfectly done homeschool day. Peace, not a perfectly tidied or cleaned house. Peace, not a perfectly followed schedule or routine. I can trust in God’s timing and in God’s provision. I can faithfully pursue physical, spiritual, mental, and relational health, knowing that ultimately, my greatest need is God Himself, and He will prove Himself faithful.

“He who has called you is faithful; He will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

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Our Homeschooling Year: What Worked, and What Didn’t

22 May

We are finishing up our 2023-24 homeschooling year this week with standardized testing. This was our fourth full year homeschooling (not counting the end of the school year in 2020 during COVID). Our year definitely wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I do feel like I figured out some things this year that made it work so much better for us.

A little context: I never expected to homeschool. I knew nothing about the nitty gritty. In January 2020, I was working part-time at our church, and my kids all attended our local public school (1st, Pre-K, and daycare). After six months of discussion and prayer, my husband and God had successfully convinced me to try out homeschooling. So I turned in my notice at work (for the end of the school year), told the kids’ teachers at conferences that they would not be coming back the following year (though we loved their teachers!), and I started reading Charlotte Mason’s books. Then COVID happened. We tried distance learning for one week and decided to pull the kids out early. And here we are, four years later!

So, without further ado, here are the things that worked well this year, and the ones that didn’t:

WHAT WORKED

We Switched to a Block Schedule

For two of our homeschooling years (the first and the third), we tried to follow the Charlotte Mason (CM) method with the short lessons and variety of daily subjects. But it was just too much transitioning, and there were certain subjects that we just never got to. So this year, instead of scheduling science/nature study for, say, four days a week for 20 minutes, I scheduled it two days a week for an hour. That worked better with our curriculum, too. I also did this with Spanish, History, and Geography. What a difference!

I Ditched the “Charlotte Mason” Books

There is certain “living literature” that other people in the CM community seem to really like, but which I and my kids find extremely dull. Enter the Dallas Lore Sharp and Arabella Buckley nature study books. (Sorry, not sorry.) Instead of forcing ourselves to slog through these “classics”, I gave myself permission to not like them, and instead, we bought a science curriculum that incorporates a lot of notebooking opportunities (written narration) and experiments. This year, we have been using the Apologia Earth Science curriculum. It’s pretty aggressive in timeline (and we didn’t always get to it… see What Didn’t Work later in this post), and we only finished half of it, so we will be continuing on with this next year!

I Liked the Curriculum I Chose

The one year that I didn’t try to follow Charlotte Mason was the year we tried Sonlight. I thought it would be nice to have someone else tell me what to do instead of having to make all the decisions myself. Well, it didn’t take long for me to realize, I don’t like being told what to do! And Sonlight was not a great fit for us. So I went back to the CM Method the following year, using up some Sonlight things and looking at Ambleside Online (AO) for other resources and ideas. Well, this year, I finally decided to branch out a little further and go for some curriculum that wasn’t necessarily “Charlotte Mason approved” but that looked like it would be a good option anyway.

And I’m glad I did! I’ve already mentioned Apologia Science. We have also used The Story of the World by Susan Wise Bauer for history over the last two years, and this year, we added the Activity Book that has coloring pages, suggested activities, and book lists for further reading. We only made it through half our book this year, partly because subjects in the afternoon were hard to get to (see below), but mostly because we took extra time to do related activities and read extra books. I personally like taking a deeper dive and covering less, than covering it all but only because we only read the textbook.

For Spanish, we used La Clase Divertida Level One, and really loved the DVD/CD format. I had tried teaching Spanish to my oldest two (I majored in it in college), and had tried to use CM recommended books, but nothing was inspiring, so we skipped it quite a bit. But this curriculum was exciting, and the workbook and crafts/recipes/stories that go with each lesson make it really enjoyable. We were also easily able to practice in the car on our way to activities, which helped check off school on those busy days.

We have used Singapore Math since the beginning, which we like. We used Sonlight Language Arts for two years, and this year, used Spectrum workbooks for Language Arts and Spelling. I like that they have the directions and exercises together (so that my kids could hypothetically do them on their own), but I do feel like they might leave some gaps (though that might just be because we weren’t super consistent in them…).

Morning Time Routine

This is our second year of using this rotation for Morning Time, and I really like it. I try to keep Morning Time to no more than 30 minutes long.

Mondays, we read the Bible based on the AO timeline, for the opposite Testament as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) — this year, BSF studied the gospel of John, so we read Exodus and Journey to the Cross (a book I would highly recommend!). We also do Singing (songs from AO), Poetry or Nature Study, Recitation, and Character lessons.

Tuesdays, we read When Faith is Forbidden, a book by Voice of the Martyrs about persecuted Christians. We pray for the country the chapter is about, then do Singing, Poetry or Nature Study, and Artist or Composer Study.

Wednesday, we do the Kids’ BSF lesson. It usually takes about 30 minutes, so that’s all we do that day.

Thursday, we have BSF, and Friday, we read Trial & Triumph (another AO recommendation) about church history, plus Singing, Poetry or Nature Study, and Recitation.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK

Finishing School in the Afternoon

There’s definitely a balance between having your kids involved in extracurriculars, and being home enough to get school done. This school year, my two oldest had gymnastics on Monday afternoons and piano lessons on Tuesday afternoons. Thursday mornings, we went to Bible Study Fellowship and didn’t get home until lunchtime. All of this would’ve been fine, except that I also had a toddler (who just turned three about a week ago) that needed a nap from roughly 1 to 3. The subjects that suffered the most with this were Science, History, Geography, and Spanish. I’m not necessarily going to change anything for next year, except to hopefully not spend two hours of the afternoon getting my toddler to sleep/falling asleep myself.

No Art or Handicraft

Last year, we did an art project about once a week, and my kids LOVED it. But it also pushed out time for the more essential subjects. This year, we really didn’t do art at all (except for some Art Hub for Kids videos), and I think everyone really missed it. So that’s on my list to change for next year.

Starting Early

In the fall, we were intentional to get the kids up at 7 AM, to start Morning Time at 7:30. We got all our core subjects done by 10:30 AM. It was great! But over the course of the school year, and especially after Christmas when my oldest two and I would stay up way too late reading Harry Potter, getting up at 7 AM was just not happening — for them OR me. Then our whole schedule got thrown off. So for next year, I’m going to look at making things work with a later start perhaps. It’s a hard balance!

Prioritizing Housework

This is something that God has been convicting me of. Many days, I prefer to do housework (laundry, dishes, tidying, organizing) over school, or at least feel like it’s most urgent. I have a really hard time ignoring the mess to focus on what I really should be doing. But I need to do that. I just read A Mother’s Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot, and it inspired me to see doing what I should be doing when I should be doing it as a matter of obedience to God and His call on my life. Anytime I give in to just “doing what I want” weakens my will and makes it harder to obey in the future.

I also have those days when it feels like all I ever do is housework, and then when the kids make yet another mess, I lose it. My summer goal is to develop a loose or block schedule that is realistic, actually works for me, and helps me to give everything a time to be done. Like Holly writes in her book, “Knowing that tidy-up came just before supper made me stop tidying up constantly throughout the day. Knowing that the laundry was going to be done in the morning stopped the pressure of seeing dirty laundry in the basket every evening. … Because there was a time and place for all, the moments I didn’t have scheduled for chores became ‘free.’ I stopped thinking about all the responsibilities I had weighing on me and was able to concentrate on the present moment, fully and freely. … Life was not all work or all play, but a healthy interweaving of both.” (pg. 25)

Along with that, I plan to assign the kids more chores. They already help do chores after dinner (transferring and sorting laundry, setting the coffee for the morning, putting away shoes, loading the dishwasher), but there are other cleaning tasks that they are more than capable of helping with. So I will be adding that into the schedule/routine as well.

BOTTOM LINE

Overall, it was a good homeschooling year! When people ask me if I like homeschooling, I usually respond, “I like it enough to do it again next year.” Do I LOVE it? No. Is it incredibly challenging? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

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Life with Kids Isn’t Romantic, But It’s Good

11 Feb

I like the stereotype of a homemaker. Bare hands kneading bread dough. Tulips in a mason jar by the sink. Daily cleaning schedule followed routinely. Fluffing couch pillows, cozy throw blanket draped over the end.

But that is not my reality.

My reality is kids fighting over who gets which toy shopping cart, or dinosaur figurine, or baby blanket for their doll.

My reality is impatiently flipping quesadillas in a skillet while my oldest kids are told for the tenth time to finish their math and my youngest child pulls on my shirt, screaming, wanting a nap.

My reality is tulips on kitchen counters being crowded out by school papers, stray toys, drying paint brushes, and unopened mail.

My reality is bouncy balls crashing into home decor, little fingers streaking windows, bowls and utensils being removed from drawers into the living room, water cups applying for green cards to stay anywhere but the kitchen.

Life with kids is NOT peaceful. I get into trouble whenever I start thinking that it should be, that the stereotype listed above is actually attainable with kids home all day.

So let’s change the stereotype.

Instead of a “cozy, relaxing, feet-up by the fireplace, cute matching decor, everyone existing calmly and lovingly together” vibe, let’s envision…

Creative kids’ artwork hung on the walls. Entryways filled with all manner of coats, boots, and gear needed for outdoor adventures. Toys in main rooms, in easy reach of all children, for playing, imagining, and cleaning up. Bright colors, mismatching comforters, and umpteen stuffies in kids’ shared bedrooms.

Instead of kids playing nicely in one spot with a contained, matching set of toys that is easily put away into its designated bin, let’s dream about…

Kids performing plays in dress-up clothes with friends. Banks, grocery stores, and ice cream shops created by moving toys and furniture around. Toddlers being pulled, pushed, and played with by eager big siblings. Recycled plastics pulled from the bin and filled with snow, sand, or water by kids “camping” outside.

Let’s stop (talking to myself!) romanticizing homemaking and life with kids, and celebrate the reality. Real life, the GOOD life, is MESSY. It’s loud. It’s untidy. It doesn’t fit in the box it came in.

And that’s ok.

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Choosing Joy Instead of Control

3 Feb

As I write this, duffel bags stuffed full sit in piles around my living room floor. My kids have been wiling away these below-zero Minnesota days playing “Airport.” Unopened packages of diapers and wipes, baby dolls, and papers with ticket numbers and gate designations are also strewn haphazardly throughout our entire main level. A mound of pillows and blankets rises up from the bottom of the stairs (not related to the Airport game), and the kitchen counter is covered in watercolor paint.

These are the remnants of a homeschool day.

I verbally and intellectually assent to one of the benefits of homeschooling being time to play, time to imagine. And I do truly believe that. But this mess, this is the price. The price I never really want to pay. As a person whose personality has always been “A place for everything, and everything in its place,” the sweeping and unnecessary removal of things from their places seems brazen, reckless, and draining. “But all of that was where it belonged!!” I fume.

And they don’t just limit the stuff they put into bags (so. many. bags.) to their own stuff. They also bag up pantry food, bogart dish towels and plastic plates, and temporarily relocate Mommy’s Decorations.

It’s a fact that my kids’ abilities and propensities to create elaborate worlds (I want to say messes, but they really are deliberate schemes) that involve a lot of stuff far, far, far outstrips their energy and willingness to put all that stuff away. I really don’t think they are unique in that regard. As a 1 on the Enneagram, this is where my inner critic pipes up and says, “And you put away too many toys for them! You let them get away with too much! They should be forced to pick up ALL of their worlds/messes themselves. If they were, perhaps they wouldn’t make such big messes.”

Thanks inner critic, that’s very… unhelpful.

We do require our kids to help clean up. They each have a nightly chore.

But like I said, the mess is bigger than their willingness to clean, and my willingness to force them. (Plus, I secretly really enjoy putting things away, but that’s beside the point.)

These messes drive me kind of batty, like eye-twitching batty. I hate messes. I hate things being out of place. I am the person who walks by the bookshelf on the way to the bathroom, or to get a cup of coffee, and stops just to shift a decoration over half an inch, so that it’s exactly “where it should be.”

Needless to say, having four kids and homeschooling* while trying to keep a clean, tidy house is an exercise in futility.

Even as I write those words, I can imagine all the moms out there on the other side of the internet reading my words and sighing exasperatedly, “No, it’s not futile!” Whether they’re saying that from the position of having conquered the house messes, or from being unwilling to wave the white flag in their quest for the tidy house, I’m not sure. Maybe a little of both?

Tonight, I started down the familiar ruts of throwing toys around (if they break, I throw them away without remorse) and venting at my kids about the messes they make but don’t clean up, but I knew — the Spirit reminded me — that that was not how I wanted to act. So I took a breather. I stood out in my 33-degree garage in the dark, praying to God.

He reminded me that “My kids are more important than a clean house.”

I could think of so many objections, so many qualifications. But my personality…! But they need to learn…! But they are being…!

No. No excuses. No buts.

If I truly want healing, if I truly want wholeness, if I truly want peace, I have to do things God’s way.

I have to do things God’s way.

I hate to admit that God’s way is quite a bit different than how I have been handling these messes. In this struggle and tension, I am often reminded of the amazing quote from Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts:

“I’m blind to joy’s well every time I really don’t want it. The well is always there. And I choose not to see it. Don’t I really want joy? Don’t I really want the fullest life? For all my yearning for joy, longing for joy, begging for joy–is the bald truth that I prefer the empty dark? Prefer drama? Why do I lunge for control instead of joy? Is it somehow more perversely satisfying to flex control’s muscle? Ah–power–like Satan. Do I think Jesus-grace too impotent to give me the full life?”

page 130

I lunge for control instead of joy.

So tonight, after regrouping and praying, I came out of the garage, dried my tears, walked past all the messes, gave my kids hugs, told them I loved them, and apologized for yelling at them. I told them that they were more important than the messes, than a clean house.

And I want to live there, whether it be amidst messes or amidst a semi-tidy house.

I want to choose joy, instead of control. Connection over cleanliness.

(*I add homeschooling because when our kids attended public school and were gone for the whole school day, it was very different. It was still busy, still challenging, but there was much less house mess to contend with.)

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Life Lately: Routines Edition

16 Oct

I’ve never been much of an intentional-routine type person. And even when I’ve tried to implement more intentional schedules or routines, they usually fall by the wayside within a week or two because #life and because it just doesn’t come naturally to me or my hubby. We are very spontaneous, game-time-decision kind of people.

But having four kids has forced us to get better about routines. For the past 4-6 months, we have doing a few things that have made a big difference in our home life. We developed these routines over time, based on what we were actually kind of already doing (it has never worked for me to decide on a routine and then try to implement it).

  • The kids do chores after dinner. Emma loads the dishwasher and wipes down the kitchen table, and Annabelle cleans up whatever area of the house or yard is the messiest (usually it’s the upstairs living room). Corbin picks up all the shoes left out and puts them by the front door.
  • The kids each have a calendar where they keep track of checkmarks for following through on their morning and evening routines, and they earn rewards for certain amounts. But we also expect them to do their chores regardless, so if they don’t do their chores, they not only don’t earn a checkmark, they lose one as well. It has helped keep them motivated.
  • Either Travis or I do the hand-wash dishes and set up the coffee maker for the morning after Emma has loaded the dishwasher. Having coffee ready right away in the morning is so amazing! We set it when we’re in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner so that we don’t forget about it.
  • I unload the dishwasher and dish rack every morning while the kids (especially Neola) eats breakfast (otherwise she just wants to play with the clean dishes).
  • I do at least one load of laundry every day. I used to wait until each person’s hamper was full to do their laundry so that I’d have a full load of just their clothes to wash. I kept everyone’s laundry separate because I found it a pain to fold a load of laundry that had a little of everyone’s stuff in it. But then my kids went through a period of time where they all four had their clothes upstairs, and the dirty clothes were getting put in whichever laundry basket was the most convenient, so I was just naturally washing everyone’s laundry together. Once I figured out my system of sorting clean, dry clothes into a separate laundry basket for each person, thus making the folding process much more streamlined, I decided to just always wash everyone’s clothes together. So now I just do the laundry as it gets dirty. Everyone’s dirty laundry from the previous day pretty much makes a full load, and I usually run a load of towels or sheets each day too. I do still get a little behind frequently, but I love loading the washer at night — makes it so easy to start right away in the morning. I fold the kids’ clothes when their laundry baskets get full — usually about once a week (I put Travis’ and my clothes away a little more often). I really like this laundry system for now!
  • Since the fall of 2021, we have had a housecleaner come twice a month for two hours to clean our bathrooms, kitchen floor, and some other odds and ends. It has been a lifesaver! Some day I will go back to cleaning my own house, but that day is not today. However, there are still plenty of other things that need cleaning that our housecleaner doesn’t get to. As often as I can, I try to clean one of those things each day for at least five minutes — even just cleaning one thing here and there makes a difference.
  • I try my hardest to plan out lunches and dinners for the week on either Sunday night or Monday morning. Then I either put in a pickup order for Monday on the way home from the girls’ gymnastics class, or I take Corbin and Neola grocery shopping during gymnastics (their class is an hour long in a small community so it actually works out about perfectly). I used to only plan out dinners (and sometimes not even that…) but having a plan for lunch is so helpful. I don’t have to rack my brain every single day, or end up making the same thing all the time, or decide on something only to discover we don’t have a key ingredient, or buy a different vegetable in the store and forget about it until it has gone bad. I want to start planning breakfasts eventually too, but mornings are rough for me right now (#sleepdeprivation), so that will have to wait. The kids all have their own favorite thing for breakfast too (Corbin — toast, Annabelle — yogurt, Emma — English muffin or oatmeal), so I’m not even sure they’d be amenable to me making one specific thing for breakfast.
  • Corbin just started going to preschool three days a week this fall. On those days, Travis and Neola take him to school (it starts at 8 AM), and I get 45-60 minutes of school in with the girls. Travis has also been taking Neola on a walk during/after lunch so I get another chunk of time to do school with the older girls then. I’m still figuring out which subjects are best to do when, but overall, the routine is working well. Doing school with Neola around is tough — because she’s in a cast/brace for hip dysplasia, she is much needier than normal. I am hoping that things get much easier when she’s done with her treatment!

I think that’s all the routines I can think of. Two areas of life that Travis and I have not been able to figure out a good, consistent routine or system for are Bible study and working out. Probably the biggest challenge with that is Neola’s nighttime sleeping habits. She wakes up 4-6 times a night, so I am beyond sleep deprived. After bedtime is tricky (though not impossible) because usually I am completely dialed, and I am often nursing or holding Neola in the morning before she completely wakes up, so mornings are tricky too. But the long and short of it is that I just don’t want it badly enough.

Just this past week, I did have, and tried out, the idea of me working out for 20-30 minutes right away in the morning when Travis leaves to take Corbin to school (M, W, F). Then I don’t have to wake the girls up to do school either (because they’d be up by the timer I’m done). Travis can work out on Tuesday and Thursday (and sometime on the weekend) when I am out of the house with the kids at Homeschool Group or BSF.

I also am planning to either get up early to do my BSF study or do it on my phone during Neola’s naps. I did it in the app last week, but then the app or internet wasn’t working during BSF so I couldn’t access any of my answers, and it looked like I hadn’t done my lesson. 😬

Anyway, that’s our daily routine with four kids right now!

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The Raw Struggles of a Homeschool Mom

2 May

I make plans. They look so good on paper. I feel optimistic, like maybe I could actually get all the stuff done that needs to get done. I’m not being unrealistic. Maybe ambitious, but not ridiculous, right?

Then life happens, and I am forced to admit that yes, any ambition in my season of life with my specific kids is ridiculous. If it’s not the baby crying or needing a nap, it’s the toddler/preschooler throwing another tantrum and becoming the wedge pulling me in multiple directions. And if it’s not him, it’s my big girls complaining about school or whining about my making them clean up the messes they’ve made. And if it’s not them, it’s the dog chewing up a poopy diaper or my husband venting frustration that he can’t find the tools that HE moved. NO ONE COOPERATES. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE ASSIGNMENT.

I feel good on the days we actually do more for school than just math and reading. Not just because I feel like the girls are learning more, but also because those extras are fun. They’re creative, and not just the “bang it out so you’re done” school.

But those days are few and far between. 

This season of life — baby who won’t nap without being held and wakes up 4-5 times a night (on a good night); preschooler who is intense, loud, and over-dramatic; homeschooling 1st and 3rd grade; husband who could be (and should be) working 60 hours a week — is breaking me. Both Travis and I are being swallowed up by so much stress and chaos that we might go down with the ship, and never recover. 

What does God want? Put aside the voices of other homeschooling moms, and even my own standards, and ask, What does God want from my day? Does He want me to follow the schedule I’ve laid out in my planner, forging the path no matter who I mow down or flatten? Or would He rather me walk in obedience, which looks like trust and patience? No yelling, no forcing, no threatening. Just clear expectations, and appropriate follow through.

I can’t live that way. That’s my first response. Because how would anything get done? And how can I keep my cool when they are so stinking disobedient?!

But what if, just like tithing is an expression of trusting God to materially provide what we need, acting in love and patience was an expression of trusting God to multiply the time? Trusting that what He wants us to get done WILL get done. And whatever does not get done, didn’t need to be done.

But I don’t want to surrender control to my schedule, and my agenda. I have surrendered everything else! I have surrendered my body, my time, my sleep. I have given up my hobbies, my lunch, my sanity. Must I also surrender this?!? 

“I just want to…” The death knell of those words. That’s what I was thinking this morning. “I just want to do school so we can be done!” And “I just want to go on a freaking walk!!” Those words are my discontentment. Those words are me saying to God, “I don’t want this life. You are not enough for me.” 

After studying Jesus’s awe-full sacrifice on the cross, how could I possibly say to my Lord that He’s not enough for me? I am not enough for Him!! He is everything for me, and more. 

Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. I am so overwhelmed by emotions, by frustrations and feeling thwarted by my kids in every aspect of life. Help me see and believe that YOU ARE NEVER THWARTED. Your plans are ALWAYS accomplished. Do I believe that? Do I believe that Your plans for my kids will be accomplished? 

I don’t want to admit that I’ve been wrong. I don’t want to go back to my kids, with my tail between my legs, and say that *I* was the one in the wrong this morning. Because THEY…!!! But I must. I must repent. I must choose God’s way. I must surrender. If I want true freedom, true peace, true contentment, I must do it God’s way.

Give me the strength, Lord. Give me the kind of strength You had during your trial, beating, and crucifixion. Strength borne out of complete trust in the Father’s plan.

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Hope: Don’t Give Up {2022 Focus}

23 Mar

My word for 2022 is HOPE. The subtitle for that word is Don’t Give Up. The Scripture God gave me for the word HOPE is Lamentations 3:21-23 —

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

An alternate translation of verse 22 is:

“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.”

It is God’s mercy to me that I am not consumed by this season of life (parenting four young kids and homeschooling). It is because of His compassion to me that I haven’t given up and curled into the fetal position indefinitely. There are so many moments, even whole days when I am tempted to. Because it all feels like too much. From my viewpoint, I am falling short in every area — parenting, homeschooling, homemaking, personal goals.

When one is trying so hard to do something right and well, but still meeting with failure, it would be understandable to just give up, right?

But God’s steadfast love prevents me from giving up. He sustains me by giving new mercies every morning, mainly in the form of HOPE.

The way I’m viewing HOPE is this: Hope doesn’t give up. Hope doesn’t look at the challenges before it and grow discouraged. Hope isn’t cynical or pessimistic. Instead, Hope continues to believe that things can change. Hope keeps showing up, pressing forward, living faithfully into God’s calling for that day. Hope accepts what God allows, even if it is not what was wanted.

I can’t count how many times I’ve had to “call to mind” God’s mercies for HOPE so far this year.

When I want to work out in the morning, and be productive after the kids go to bed, but sleep deprivation from baby Neola makes extra sleep the greater priority, I have to remind myself of hope.

When I feel incapable and daunted by the thought of and need for potty training Corbin and sleep training Neola, I remind myself of hope.

When the girls are showing troublesome attitudes and Corbin is throwing yet another tantrum, and I am tempted to feel like I’ve failed them as a mother because of what I’ve allowed them to do, or acted like myself, I remind myself of hope.

My natural human reaction to these discouraging and overwhelming situations is self-pity. Like Oswald Chambers writes,

“Most of us collapse at the first grip of pain. We sit down at the door of God’s purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity.”

(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

But HOPE reminds me that I don’t have to give up, or collapse in the face of these challenges. God gives new mercies. I can trust Him to keep providing, day by day, what I need. I can trust Him even if I don’t meet my goals, if I lose my temper again, if my house is a mess, if I can’t figure out how to get Neola to sleep better. My purposes may remain unfulfilled, but HIS purposes will be accomplished.

God’s provision of new mercies every day won’t mean that I wake up in the morning or enter different situations feeling competent or on top of things. I hardly ever feel that way, and I actually think that is intentional on God’s part. Jesus fed 5,000-plus people with just five loaves of bread and two fish. He didn’t produce a banquet table laden with food. He just stretched the existing food farther. He takes the little that we have, and He makes it enough, as we need it.

As I’ve been digging into Lamentations 2:21-25, I read in a John Piper sermon transcript (from almost exactly 28 years ago),

“Our task today is not to have the strength needed for tomorrow’s burdens. Our task today is to live by the mercies given for today, and to believe that there will be new mercies for tomorrow. Today’s mercies do not include strength for tomorrow; they include faith that tomorrow’s unseen mercies will be sufficient for tomorrow.”

(John Piper, “Today’s Mercies for Today’s Troubles,” March 13, 1994)

I love that. Like the manna given to the Israelites in the wilderness, God gives just enough for each day. I must live in moment by moment dependence on Him. And because His provision of mercy for this day, this moment is always sufficient (and abundantly so!) for my need, I can always have HOPE.

Here’s to a hope-filled year.

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Freedom in Christ

29 Feb

I wrote back in November that I planned to start going to counseling. Here I am, on the cusp of March, with 5 sessions under my belt. Has it been helpful? Yes. Has it been what I expected? Not really.

I think I expected my therapist to overthink things like I do, and to give me deep, meaningful, existential explanations to my problems. Instead, the way she has been challenging my thinking has been utterly practical and no-nonsense. When I lament about mounds of laundry, kids’ messes, or frozen pizza dinners, her response is, “So what? Is anyone going to die if they wear dirty clothes or eat frozen pizza for dinner?”

Obviously the answer is no, so that begs the question – then why do I care so deeply? Why does it bother me so much when my house is a mess, or the laundry is undone, or I failed again to plan dinner? Even as I’ve been doing the hard work of trying to let go and be more relaxed about things, I find that there’s a tipping point. I can ignore the mess in order to go play outside with my family, but if I come back inside to find that they’ve made another mess, I lose my crap.

I honestly cannot fully explain why I have this neurotic need for everything to be in its place. And frankly, sometimes I feel fully justified in being neurotic, because isn’t this the way God created me?! This is just who I am. But sometimes it feels like my need for control is controlling me, and I can’t stop being controlled even when I try. I was expressing this to God the other day and He brought Galatians 5:1 to mind,

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”

It stopped me in my tracks.

In Christ, I have freedom. Freedom from my own need for control. I do not have to be a slave to my personality that desires organization and tidiness! Armed with that verse, I have the confidence to declare that I AM NOT A SLAVE TO CONTROL. Because of Christ, I can refuse to be dominated by my need for order, and I can instead prioritize relationships.

I have long tried to wage this battle equipped with my own paltry strength. Is it any wonder that I’m still struggling with the same old thing? But this verse has given me something new, infused my soul with gospel confidence. This is my birthright in Christ. This is what He has won for me! I get to live in freedom because of my Savior!

I told my husband about this, and encouraged him, “Please, if you see me going off the rails, remind me of this verse.” I am staking my claim to freedom in Christ, and I will not submit anymore to a yoke of slavery.

Coupled with this promise, I have decided to give up yelling at my kids for Lent. That has, unfortunately, long been the way I deal with the feeling of overwhelm and stress caused by my kids either not listening to me or getting out of control. So, no more yelling. (I am hoping to continue that beyond Lent too.) Instead, I want to pray. Out loud. Instead of screaming at my kids, “We need to go NOW! Get in the car or you will be in big trouble!” I want to say, “Father, we are late. And these kids are not listening to me. Help me maintain my patience and grace, and help motivate them to listen. I trust that we will get to wherever we are going and it will be ok that we are late.”

There’s a quote from Connected Families that I have on my computer desktop – “When kids misbehave, make obedience a secondary goal, and make accessing and walking in the fruit of the Spirit yourself the primary goal.” That is the idea behind “no yelling” – instead of relying on my own power and effort to accomplish, I run to God, confess my inability, and rest in His power to accomplish.

I put this into practice this past Thursday when my oldest daughter was not wanting to go to school, and threw a tantrum. We were 20 minutes late to school, but I walked out of dropoff with a smile on my face. Because I hadn’t yelled, but had instead connected with my daughter and found out that she just plain missed me, which is why she didn’t want to go to school. I am really looking forward to seeing how God works in me over the coming months.

I’ll end with just the amazing feeling that I have of God personally ministering to my soul. I feel so unworthy of even His sideways glance, let alone of His speaking into my struggles. Counseling has been helpful, but the Spirit is the ultimate Counselor.

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Where I’m At Right Now…

20 Nov

It has been a hot minute since I’ve posted anything on this blog that hasn’t been an update on one of my kids. But today, I got my kids to school early (!) so I have a few minutes before work to put down some thoughts.

We’re in the throes of hunting season here in Minnesota, which means I’m at the nadir of my emotional and mental resources. Time and time again, year after year, October is balls-to-the-wall CRAZY busy and I enter November feeling like I could take a nap for a year and it would still be too short.

This year, hunting camp ended abruptly when I declared that I was sick and tired of being constantly stressed out, so we just up and left. My poor husband missed opening weekend of rifle season because my dad got remarried (I’m obviously from a non-hunting family), and then it didn’t work out for him to hunt during the week, and then the second weekend got cut short.

I’m stressed out because of busyness — no matter how much I have tried to create white space this year, it just is not happening. That is one of the great questions that has been rattling around in my brain this year: How do we do less, but not be selfish with our time? How do we serve others without overloading our family? 

I still haven’t figured it out. And from what I hear about other family’s schedules, we actually are less busy than most (which blows my mind). I want off the merry-go-round!!

I’m also stressed out by all the conflict in my life. All 3 kids fighting over toys. Various kids throwing various tantrums over various issues. It seems like at least one child is upset at any given time. Corbin crying because he wants another sucker, or to play with permanent markers, or who knows what else (seriously, sometimes I can. not. figure it out). My husband responding in a situation with a comment that he obviously didn’t think through, or cracking a joke in the middle of a serious conversation (not funny!), or swooping in with the dictator approach to a situation with the kids that I was handling thankyouverymuch.

This post is probably a downer, and honestly I’m not even sure why I’m posting it because I’ll probably read it later, and be like “What the?!?”. But my blog is called Life, REALLY for a reason. This is real life. Deep down, I know that I really have a very blessed life, with a wonderful, caring, thoughtful husband (he offered to leave deer camp for me); 3 creative, healthy kids; a beautiful house; a part-time job that I love; friends who care about us; and a God who died for me.

But I’ve reached a point where I’ve lost my emotional resiliency. I forget library day for my middle child AGAIN, and we’re running out of the house late for school AGAIN, and I forgot to do something important at work AGAIN, and I overreact to my kids not listening AGAIN, and I am just done. Done.

So I’m going to see a Christian counselor. I need professional help. My first appointment is the second week of December. I need someone outside of my life to speak into it. I need someone to connect the dots that are scrambled in my head. I need someone to authoritatively tell me that it’s ok to say no to good stuff, stuff that I should be doing, for the time that it takes for me to get my crap together. Or for that someone to tell me how I can serve others without neglecting my family.

Maybe my hopes are too high. I sure hope not. I know several other people who have received counseling for various issues, and they all say that it was the best thing they ever did, and they wish they would’ve done it sooner. Hopefully by next hunting season, I can look back and say the same.

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