Tag Archives: family

{9-month Update} 2025 Focus: Peace

8 Oct

I posted back in January that my focus for this year was PEACE. I wanted to strive for peace and not perfection, in my home, my homeschool, and my personal goals.

You know that saying, “When you pray for patience, God gives you situations you have to be patient in”? Well, that’s kind of been my reality this year. I’ve had many opportunities to practice choosing peace over perfection, and to be honest, I’ve kind of failed.

Not that I haven’t been trying. When the kids make yet another mess or pack yet another bag to go “camping” in our backyard with yet another blanket or towel that I will have to wash yet again, I really try to let it go. I really, really do. They’re having fun! They’re making memories! They’re playing outside, and together!

But when they have forts set up in the living room, and Barbies plus Barbie accessories strewn across the basement floor, and there are cups and bowls and wrappers everywhere, and they’ve brought toys outside and left them in the woods, I just reach a point where I’ve had ENOUGH!

Then I’m rampaging mommy. I’m bear-growling mommy. I’m eye-twitching, can’t-see-straight mommy. Peace has left the building.

It’s not about perfection, mind you. I don’t need my house or my kids or my homeschool to be perfect. But when it’s ALL a mess, I feel bitter and angry. The thoughts start going through my head, “Do they know how much time I have spent organizing these things so that they can find them? Then they just dump them all into a bag and haul it into the woods. Do I WANT to spend all my ‘free time’ putting crap back where it belongs? NO! But who else will do it? NO ONE!” I throw myself a pity party.

I was feeling like that just this past Sunday when (no lie) there were forts in my living room and Barbies in my basement. I wanted them to be put away (it had been a week), but the kids were aghast. “But then I won’t have a place to sell my newspaper! But I just set it up! But I’m planning to play with it tomorrow!”

::internal mommy growl::

I went and sat on the front porch feeling bitter and trapped and frustrated. But as I sat there, I realized something. If I truly want PEACE, it can’t be based on circumstances. It just can’t. There will ALWAYS be something in this life, big or small, to destroy my peace. My peace needs to rise above my circumstances.

I’ve also been seeing over the past several weeks how my lack of peace on a daily basis is a result of not trusting God. Instead of trusting Him, I seize control to make my agenda happen (like making sure all the homeschool boxes get checked no matter what), or I resent being forced to deal with an inconvenient or unpleasant situation (child peeing their pants at a park with no extra clothes).

But what if, when my feathers are ruffled, I recognized the reality of God with me? God’s presence to guide me into His purposes each moment, and to help me when those purposes are hard, unpleasant, and sooo far from what I would choose, trusting that “this God–His way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him” (Psalm 18:30).

I want to. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).

What prevents me from trusting God in those moments? Control. I read an awesome quote on Instagram the other day that just stopped me in my tracks:

“God can do far more with your surrender than you can do with your control.”

Wow.

I seize control because I think all these things are necessary, that they have to get done. Or I get so fed up with the interruptions to my plan, like kids fighting, being needy, or clogging the toilet again. But God can do more in me and in my life if I surrender to His plans, His agenda–aka all the things that happen in a day. “This thing is from Me” (1 Kings 12:24).

Another quote that has really challenged me during the last few weeks was from Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest: “The true expression of Christian character is not in good-doing, but in God-likeness.” As a mom of 4, I am constantly doing. And there is always more to do. My focus is very much on doing. But when I am doing things in an attempt to control my environment or schedule or kids, and not from a desire to be faithful to my role or to serve those around me, my doing is often accompanied by very un-God-like words or behaviors. So I may be getting things done, but at a terrible cost.

I have also been ruminating for the last several months on Isaiah 30:15, which says, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.” The Easy-to-Read (ERV) translation says, “Only by remaining calm and trusting in me can you be strong.” In looking up that verse, I also came across Isaiah 32:17, “And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness quietness and trust forever.”

Sanctification — becoming like Christ, growing in righteousness — isn’t about following the rules better, or controlling your temper better, or living a life in a monastery so that you have fewer temptations, opportunities, or causes to sin. It’s a deepening TRUST in God — in what He allows and ordains. The tantrum in the grocery store. The spilled beverage as you’re running out the door. The continued sibling squabbles. The kid who won’t sleep in their own bed or past 6:30 AM.

Peace is inextricably linked to trust in God. You can’t have true peace without trusting in God. Because true peace comes from depending on the Author and Creator of the Universe to do and be who He has promised to do and be for you: All Things. He’s got it. “He who has called you is faithful; He will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

What does trusting in God look like? The verses and sayings I quoted above describe it: Quietness. Remaining calm. Enjoying periods of rest. Prioritizing God-likeness. Surrendering. Having PEACE.

And sometimes trusting in God looks like ignoring those living room forts and going for a run instead.

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Peace {2025 Focus}

25 Jan

Last year, my word was Cultivate. Similar to 2023 when I chose Thirst as my word of the year, my desires and inspiration for Cultivate were only partially met over the course of the year.

We had some house projects planned for last year, but we didn’t get to all of them. We patched and repainted our staircase (to get rid of dings and scrapes from the kids). We added a backsplash to the kitchen (and it took us waaaay longer to decide on the tile than I ever thought it would), and repainted the walls in there (deciding on the colors for the walls also took waaaay longer than I thought it would). But we didn’t finish repainting the upstairs, or work on our outdoor firepit patio at all.

As for my personal habits (daily quiet time, exercise, and water intake), those remained unmet. Y’all, the season of young kids is HAAAAARRRRRD. We were majorly spoiled by our third child — our son, Corbin — who loved sleeping, and actually preferred to sleep on his own. Our fourth, Neola, has been the complete opposite. She wanted to be held for naps when she was a baby, wanted to me to sleep in her bed (and she nursed during the night) until she was 2.5, and even now, when she’s 3.5, I more often than not end up in her bed sometime between 1 and 4 a.m.

Neola is also in the stage of what I like to call naptime purgatory, where she needs a nap, but she doesn’t need a nap. She fights going down for a nap, and when she does actually take one, she doesn’t want to go to bed until 10 pm, but if she doesn’t take a nap, she’s a mess and falls asleep in a chair at 5 p.m. without eating any dinner. Ugh!

On top of that, my husband had an extremely stressful job in 2023. He started at a new job in April 2024, and while the job change involved a pay cut, he is no longer stressed out beyond belief, and has a lot more flexibility, which has led to a MUCH better work/life balance. Having a fourth child in 2021 and homeschooling, with a husband who worked a lot and was always stressed, led to both of us feeling behind on 1,000 things, and we are still digging out of that, but every day is better than the one before. This past Friday, I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted and couldn’t shake out of the fog for the first half of the day, and my husband pointed out how far we’ve come, because I used to wake up feeling like that a lot, he said.

All that to say, I still have the same personal goals as years past. Specifically, spending at least 15 minutes in quiet time with God a day, 20 minutes outside (during winter), 30 minutes of quality time with my kids, exercising for at least 20 minutes 3 times a week, and drinking at least 64 oz of water a day. So far this year, some days it has been surprisingly easy to get all that in, some days it has been frustratingly hard, but the majority of days, I do most, but not all of those things. It’s like I have spots for 4 things, but not all 5, and if I make room for one thing, another gets pushed off.

Which leads me to my word for this year: PEACE. When striving for personal goals, I seem to have two extremes: demanding my needs get met at others’ expense, or giving up and not having goals. It takes so. much. faith. in God to be intentional with open hands! To pursue goals but also be gracious when life happens. It ultimately comes down to, do I trust God to provide for and sustain me? Or do I seize control through these things to provide for myself? If my goal and focus was PEACE and not checking off my list, my personal goals would not be ends in themselves, but the means of helping me live peacefully.

I also have to be honest here and say that while my household runs fairly smoothly with routine and chores, it is often the opposite of peaceful. And a lot of that has to do with me and my attitude. I often feel angry and bitter over the lack of control I have over my own schedule (leading to the lack of fulfilled personal goals). I get mad at interruptions during homeschooling, I react impulsively during tantrums or fights while I’m doing chores or making meals, I say words I regret when my kids demonstrate impatience or ingratitude. Sometimes I feel like my household is a whitewashed tomb — having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.

A few sayings and verses that inspired me to choose PEACE as my word for this year:

  • The goal is peace, not perfection.
  • Gratitude turns what we have into enough.
  • “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3).
  • “Any problem that comes between God and myself is the result of disobedience. Any problem that comes while I obey God (and there will be many), increases my overjoyed delight, because I know that my Father knows and cares, and I can watch and anticipate how He will unravel my problems” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, Dec 14).

I want to prioritize PEACE and not perfection. Peace, not a perfectly done homeschool day. Peace, not a perfectly tidied or cleaned house. Peace, not a perfectly followed schedule or routine. I can trust in God’s timing and in God’s provision. I can faithfully pursue physical, spiritual, mental, and relational health, knowing that ultimately, my greatest need is God Himself, and He will prove Himself faithful.

“He who has called you is faithful; He will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

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Our Homeschooling Year: What Worked, and What Didn’t

22 May

We are finishing up our 2023-24 homeschooling year this week with standardized testing. This was our fourth full year homeschooling (not counting the end of the school year in 2020 during COVID). Our year definitely wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I do feel like I figured out some things this year that made it work so much better for us.

A little context: I never expected to homeschool. I knew nothing about the nitty gritty. In January 2020, I was working part-time at our church, and my kids all attended our local public school (1st, Pre-K, and daycare). After six months of discussion and prayer, my husband and God had successfully convinced me to try out homeschooling. So I turned in my notice at work (for the end of the school year), told the kids’ teachers at conferences that they would not be coming back the following year (though we loved their teachers!), and I started reading Charlotte Mason’s books. Then COVID happened. We tried distance learning for one week and decided to pull the kids out early. And here we are, four years later!

So, without further ado, here are the things that worked well this year, and the ones that didn’t:

WHAT WORKED

We Switched to a Block Schedule

For two of our homeschooling years (the first and the third), we tried to follow the Charlotte Mason (CM) method with the short lessons and variety of daily subjects. But it was just too much transitioning, and there were certain subjects that we just never got to. So this year, instead of scheduling science/nature study for, say, four days a week for 20 minutes, I scheduled it two days a week for an hour. That worked better with our curriculum, too. I also did this with Spanish, History, and Geography. What a difference!

I Ditched the “Charlotte Mason” Books

There is certain “living literature” that other people in the CM community seem to really like, but which I and my kids find extremely dull. Enter the Dallas Lore Sharp and Arabella Buckley nature study books. (Sorry, not sorry.) Instead of forcing ourselves to slog through these “classics”, I gave myself permission to not like them, and instead, we bought a science curriculum that incorporates a lot of notebooking opportunities (written narration) and experiments. This year, we have been using the Apologia Earth Science curriculum. It’s pretty aggressive in timeline (and we didn’t always get to it… see What Didn’t Work later in this post), and we only finished half of it, so we will be continuing on with this next year!

I Liked the Curriculum I Chose

The one year that I didn’t try to follow Charlotte Mason was the year we tried Sonlight. I thought it would be nice to have someone else tell me what to do instead of having to make all the decisions myself. Well, it didn’t take long for me to realize, I don’t like being told what to do! And Sonlight was not a great fit for us. So I went back to the CM Method the following year, using up some Sonlight things and looking at Ambleside Online (AO) for other resources and ideas. Well, this year, I finally decided to branch out a little further and go for some curriculum that wasn’t necessarily “Charlotte Mason approved” but that looked like it would be a good option anyway.

And I’m glad I did! I’ve already mentioned Apologia Science. We have also used The Story of the World by Susan Wise Bauer for history over the last two years, and this year, we added the Activity Book that has coloring pages, suggested activities, and book lists for further reading. We only made it through half our book this year, partly because subjects in the afternoon were hard to get to (see below), but mostly because we took extra time to do related activities and read extra books. I personally like taking a deeper dive and covering less, than covering it all but only because we only read the textbook.

For Spanish, we used La Clase Divertida Level One, and really loved the DVD/CD format. I had tried teaching Spanish to my oldest two (I majored in it in college), and had tried to use CM recommended books, but nothing was inspiring, so we skipped it quite a bit. But this curriculum was exciting, and the workbook and crafts/recipes/stories that go with each lesson make it really enjoyable. We were also easily able to practice in the car on our way to activities, which helped check off school on those busy days.

We have used Singapore Math since the beginning, which we like. We used Sonlight Language Arts for two years, and this year, used Spectrum workbooks for Language Arts and Spelling. I like that they have the directions and exercises together (so that my kids could hypothetically do them on their own), but I do feel like they might leave some gaps (though that might just be because we weren’t super consistent in them…).

Morning Time Routine

This is our second year of using this rotation for Morning Time, and I really like it. I try to keep Morning Time to no more than 30 minutes long.

Mondays, we read the Bible based on the AO timeline, for the opposite Testament as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) — this year, BSF studied the gospel of John, so we read Exodus and Journey to the Cross (a book I would highly recommend!). We also do Singing (songs from AO), Poetry or Nature Study, Recitation, and Character lessons.

Tuesdays, we read When Faith is Forbidden, a book by Voice of the Martyrs about persecuted Christians. We pray for the country the chapter is about, then do Singing, Poetry or Nature Study, and Artist or Composer Study.

Wednesday, we do the Kids’ BSF lesson. It usually takes about 30 minutes, so that’s all we do that day.

Thursday, we have BSF, and Friday, we read Trial & Triumph (another AO recommendation) about church history, plus Singing, Poetry or Nature Study, and Recitation.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK

Finishing School in the Afternoon

There’s definitely a balance between having your kids involved in extracurriculars, and being home enough to get school done. This school year, my two oldest had gymnastics on Monday afternoons and piano lessons on Tuesday afternoons. Thursday mornings, we went to Bible Study Fellowship and didn’t get home until lunchtime. All of this would’ve been fine, except that I also had a toddler (who just turned three about a week ago) that needed a nap from roughly 1 to 3. The subjects that suffered the most with this were Science, History, Geography, and Spanish. I’m not necessarily going to change anything for next year, except to hopefully not spend two hours of the afternoon getting my toddler to sleep/falling asleep myself.

No Art or Handicraft

Last year, we did an art project about once a week, and my kids LOVED it. But it also pushed out time for the more essential subjects. This year, we really didn’t do art at all (except for some Art Hub for Kids videos), and I think everyone really missed it. So that’s on my list to change for next year.

Starting Early

In the fall, we were intentional to get the kids up at 7 AM, to start Morning Time at 7:30. We got all our core subjects done by 10:30 AM. It was great! But over the course of the school year, and especially after Christmas when my oldest two and I would stay up way too late reading Harry Potter, getting up at 7 AM was just not happening — for them OR me. Then our whole schedule got thrown off. So for next year, I’m going to look at making things work with a later start perhaps. It’s a hard balance!

Prioritizing Housework

This is something that God has been convicting me of. Many days, I prefer to do housework (laundry, dishes, tidying, organizing) over school, or at least feel like it’s most urgent. I have a really hard time ignoring the mess to focus on what I really should be doing. But I need to do that. I just read A Mother’s Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot, and it inspired me to see doing what I should be doing when I should be doing it as a matter of obedience to God and His call on my life. Anytime I give in to just “doing what I want” weakens my will and makes it harder to obey in the future.

I also have those days when it feels like all I ever do is housework, and then when the kids make yet another mess, I lose it. My summer goal is to develop a loose or block schedule that is realistic, actually works for me, and helps me to give everything a time to be done. Like Holly writes in her book, “Knowing that tidy-up came just before supper made me stop tidying up constantly throughout the day. Knowing that the laundry was going to be done in the morning stopped the pressure of seeing dirty laundry in the basket every evening. … Because there was a time and place for all, the moments I didn’t have scheduled for chores became ‘free.’ I stopped thinking about all the responsibilities I had weighing on me and was able to concentrate on the present moment, fully and freely. … Life was not all work or all play, but a healthy interweaving of both.” (pg. 25)

Along with that, I plan to assign the kids more chores. They already help do chores after dinner (transferring and sorting laundry, setting the coffee for the morning, putting away shoes, loading the dishwasher), but there are other cleaning tasks that they are more than capable of helping with. So I will be adding that into the schedule/routine as well.

BOTTOM LINE

Overall, it was a good homeschooling year! When people ask me if I like homeschooling, I usually respond, “I like it enough to do it again next year.” Do I LOVE it? No. Is it incredibly challenging? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

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What Works for Us: Laundry System

29 Apr

I haven’t posted on this blog in a majorly hot minute. Probably so hot that people no longer use the saying “a hot minute.” And they might not even read blogs anymore. But I’m posting anyway!

Anyway, it seems that everyone these days is sharing ideas, tips, and hacks, and when I am trying to troubleshoot a challenge in my home or life, I like hearing about other people’s solutions. That’s how I came up with my laundry system, which I’ve been using with success for almost 3 years now.

So in that vein and to get me back into posting regularly, I thought I’d start a new series, called What Works for Us. True to the name, I will be sharing lifestyle and home management tips that work for us, knowing full well that there is more than one way to do things, and my way will not work for everyone.

I will add that even though I have always been a naturally organized person, I have had a terrible time sticking to any kind of routine. Over time, adding kids to our family (now we have four, ages 11 down to 3) and deciding to homeschool have forced me to get better about routine home management. Over the past three or so years, we’ve developed these systems that work for us, building on top of what we were already doing consistently.

With that said, let’s get to the first topic, which inspired this series:

LAUNDRY

I used to wash everyone’s laundry separately. Everyone had their own laundry hamper, and I would wait until their laundry bin was full enough for a “full load.” Which meant that then I had a buttload of laundry to wash all at once (everyone’s basket seemed to get full at the same time, and I am not the type of person to assign each person a day of the week to get their laundry done).

After my fourth child was born, my three older kids were all sharing a bedroom (we change bedroom situations in this house with the seasons, it seems!), so it just happened that I started washing all of their laundry together. (I do not sort laundry based on color… I do sort out towels and jeans, and wash more delicate fabrics together, but that’s it.)

But even when I got the laundry washed, we would have massive piles of clean laundry slung across the floor, waiting to be folded. My kids were always coming to me, wondering where such-and-such article of clothing was. It drove me bonkers.

After researching what other moms do online, and putting out an SOS on Instagram, I came up with the idea for everyone to have their own laundry basket for clean laundry. (Dirty laundry all goes together still.) When a load of laundry is clean and dry, I (or one of the kids) sort the clothes into the individual laundry baskets. These clothes get folded about once a week, but in the meantime, each person knows exactly where to go to find something of theirs.

The beauty of this system is that I no longer get stressed out about laundry, ever! Yes, sometimes the clothes needing to be folded stack up a bit, but clothes are still clean, and each person can find what they need, even if it means dumping the basket out and rummaging through.

Peep all the laundry that needs to be folded 😬

The only drawback to this system is that I have five, sometimes six, laundry baskets lined up against the wall of my living room all the time. We have a very small laundry room (big enough for the washer, dryer, and a utilatub), and our laundry room is upstairs right off the kitchen. It is what it is. I do not plan to keep this system forever, but for this season of life, it has been a lifesaver.

If/when we have company over that we don’t want to see our dirty clean laundry, we can just stack all the laundry baskets together and move to a bedroom for a short time.

Another big thing that has helped me in my laundry game is no longer thinking of laundry as “something to get done” but instead, thinking of it as a daily chore. I do laundry every day except Sunday. I am no longer depressed by seeing more dirty laundry in the hamper when “I just did laundry!” because it’s a daily chore — of course there will be laundry!

The number of loads I do on any given day varies based on our schedule, but I usually do 2-3 loads. I load the washer the night before, and start it right away in the morning. I usually switch it mid-morning, and then again in the afternoon. After dinner, one kids’ chore is to unload the dryer, transfer laundry to the dryer, reload the washer with dirty clothes, and sort the dryer load into bins.

We’ve really enjoyed this system!

Coming next week… What Works for Us: Paper Filing

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Cultivate {2024 Focus}

14 Jan

It has been a hot minute since I’ve posted anything on this blog. I’ve thought about it, but hobby time is still pretty hard to come by these days, and honestly, I’m going through a rough patch, and haven’t really had the words to post here.

As one does at the end of one year and the start of another, I’ve been thinking back over 2023 and projecting into 2024. Last year, my focus was Thirst: wanting to find time for more joy-inspiring, cup-filling activities, and not spending my labor on that which does not satisfy. I thought 2023 would be a stepping stone back onto the path of getting time and energy to do the things we enjoyed. And it was partly that. We did do more things, like camping. And after hemming and hawing over social media, I finally landed on the conviction that less is more for me, and pretty much stopped posting.

But mostly 2023 was a year of continuing to thirst. Of still yearning for more balance and less stress. Travis and I still have not found that “happy medium”, that “new normal”, after Baby #4 — and she’s over 2.5 years old. Well, I should say, we have found a new rhythm, but it’s a rhythm that has involved all margin and “free time” pushed off the table. It’s a rhythm that we aren’t ok with, and don’t want, but aren’t sure how to fix or make different.

That frustration has impacted my marriage, too. When two people are drowning, they can’t help each other. For the first time in 16 years, I found myself specifically choosing to not tell my husband how I really felt, because I knew that it would only cause him to spiral. But you can only keep secrets like that inside for so long before it starts to rot you at the core, so the feelings would spew out eventually, not kindly or timely.

So honestly, when the calendar changed to January 1, the last thing I wanted to do was make hopeful intentions for 2024. I’ve been disenchanted. It seems the only way to stop being disappointed by life is to stop hoping, to stop trying. If you have no expectations, they can’t be unmet, right?

But God. Even though I have not made daily time with Him a priority in a LONG time (really, I have no excuse, but lack of hobby time and a sleep-needy toddler are definitely the main reasons), He continues to meet me. He speaks to my soul. He reminds me of truth.

Truth like Psalm 23:4 — “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” I do not have to fear, because God is with me.

Truth like 2 Peter 1:3 — “For His divine power has bestowed on us [absolutely] everything necessary for [a dynamic spiritual] life and godliness, through true and personal knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” Like in Psalm 23:1 — “The LORD is my shepherd; I lack nothing.” I am able to live a godly life in these circumstances, with these people, because God has given me everything I need in Christ.

Truth like this from a recent BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) lecture: “Instead of starting with what you know and getting hung up on what you don’t know, start with what you don’t know, and end on what you do know.” I don’t know how we’re going to make it through this, but I know God will provide for us. I don’t know what God is doing here, but I do know that God is good, loving, and always has a purpose.

So even though my sinful, weak human flesh wants to wallow in self-pity, throw my hands up, and say “2024 is a lost cause”, God won’t let me. He gives me hope when I have lost hope.

As such, my focus for 2024 is going to be Cultivate, which means “to prepare or use (for crops or gardening) or to try to acquire or develop (a quality, sentiment, or skill).” Bible verses for inspiration are:

“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!” (Psalm 126:5)

“Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:5)

“Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.” (2 Corinthians 9:6)

I really want to cultivate healthy and helpful habits in my life, things that I used to prioritize and love, but just haven’t figured out how to consistently fit in my life since Neola was born. Mainly, I’m thinking about a daily quiet time, exercise 3-4 times a week, and drinking water every day instead of just coffee (though coffee is definitely NOT going away!).

The word Cultivate also involves some house projects we’re hoping to accomplish this year. During the winter months here, we’re hoping to repaint our upstairs living room, hallway, stairwell, main bathroom, and kitchen, as well as add a backsplash. The kids have just dominated all the walls after living here for almost 10 years! We are also going to change the color scheme in the kitchen, since it was the previous owners who painted it the color it is.

We’d also like to make some progress on the room that is currently Travis’ office. Right before Neola was born, we added a wall in our basement to make a fifth bedroom (it totally should’ve been a bedroom, but whoever finished the basement left it as a bar/pool table area). The side of the wall facing the living room is finished with weathered hardwood, but the side in the office is still just sheetrock. The electrical wiring for that room, though, needs some major work because it is totally wonky (from the previous owners), so that is the next step, and we’re hoping my dad will come help with it. 😉

This spring and summer, we’re hoping to make a permanent fire pit area on the side of our house, overlooking the river. Last summer, Travis cut the brush, tilled it, and planted a combination of clover and grass there, so it’s all ready for us to get to work. I’m really looking forward to having a cozy, comfortable fire pit area with furniture that we can just leave outside! (Our old fire pit was right on the edge of the yard, and surrounded by grass, so we had to sit on camping chairs and put them away all the time for mowing. Lame!)

I will close with Psalm 19:14 as a prayer for 2024: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”

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Neola Bethany: 21 Months

25 Feb

Neola turned 21 months back on February 12. I was shocked last night when I googled the last update I had posted for Neola and could only find one for her at 13-14 months! I did write this post about her life in the spica cast for hip dysplasia after that, from when she was 15-16 months. But I still have a lot to catch up on! #fourthchild

Size

Due to Neola getting her last immunizations late and then being in a spica cast, Neola just got her 18-month immunizations and well-child check yesterday. So at 21 months, she weighs 26 lb 3 oz (74%) and is 2′ 10.5″ tall (87%), with a head circumference of 19.09″ (89%). She has definitely seemed to be taller than our other kids at this age, so these measurements are not surprising!

She is wearing all 2T clothing, and some 3T shirts/dresses. She wears size 6 shoes, and size 5 diapers.

Sleeping

Oy. This is still such a challenge. Neola has always wanted to be held for naps, even when she was a baby. But she was actually a decent night sleeper until about a year ago, when we were in Florida for the month of February. Our last 3-4 nights there, she started waking up a ton, so I pulled her into bed with me. And that was the beginning of the end. In hindsight, I should’ve just muscled through those rough nights, keeping her in her pack n play as much as she would be. (Just like I should’ve muscled through rough nights with Corbin at that age without resorting to letting him play games on my phone, which created a major problem for a few years). But here we are.

Since last February, I have been sleeping on a mattress on the floor in Neola’s room (with her on her crib mattress on the floor). It actually worked well for the time that she was in a spica cast and rhino brace for hip dysplasia, but now, I am over it. I want need her to start sleeping better, and napping on her own. I have been resistant to making changes, mostly because I get into a groove and I really dislike making changes. It feels like such a herculean effort, especially when I am managing so many different things already. But I need to keep the end goal in mind. Life will be so much easier and manageable in the long run if/when Neola starts napping and sleeping on her own.

The way things go right now, though, are this: Neola usually wakes up for the day between 6:30 and 7:30. She typically only takes one nap for 1.5-2 hours, usually starting between 11 and 1 (which I know is a big range — poor girl is at the mercy of the family’s schedule!) She also falls asleep in the car fairly easily (sometimes she just screams, but more often, she just falls asleep), so that means some days, she takes a short morning nap, or a late afternoon nap, and then her bedtime is messed up. It actually happens about once a week. She ends up staying up after the other kids, and motors around playing on her own contentedly while I fold laundry. That’s the only time I ever get laundry folded! On a normal night, though, she goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:30.

What do I do while I am holding her for her naps? I listen to podcasts, read ebooks on my phone, research things, etc. It’s actually a pretty enjoyable time, and I do appreciate the way it forces me to take a break. But the challenge is that it makes it harder to get school done with the girls (especially on the days that Corbin is home instead of at preschool).

Eating

Neola can be a finicky eater, and I often feel like she doesn’t eat what I give her, but I think part of that is that 1) she’s so busy that she doesn’t often want to sit at the table to eat and 2) we often feed her in the car on the way somewhere. Neola is at the age where she hates getting into her carseat (she would much rather play in the car!), so I often bribe distract her with a treat to get her in her carseat with minimal drama.

Neola’s favorite foods (the ones she will eat the most consistently) are: applesauce, goldfish, mac & cheese, raisins, and candy. Other foods that she usually likes (but not always) are: cheese, bananas, berries, bacon, summer sausage, yogurt, and celery or carrots with dip. Like many kids, she loves dipping her food in either ranch or ketchup. Dip makes all things better.

Neola is not afraid to use her front teeth to take bites (Corbin hated doing that, so he always wanted his food cut up at this age). She will rip off a bite of a meat stick or carrot like it’s no big deal!

Development

Because of being in a cast and rhino brace for hip dysplasia, Neola didn’t start walking until she was about 19 months old. She was able to crawl around for 10-15 minutes at a time in her spica cast, but it was hard work. Once she got into the rhino brace, it was only a day or two before she was crawling around. She was also able to stand, sit, and climb the stairs in the rhino brace. She was much happier with the increased mobility (in the cast, she often got bored and whiny). She had to wear the rhino brace day and night for 12 weeks. (As I write that, I am shocked that we survived!! 6 weeks in a cast, and 12 weeks in a brace.) By the end of her time in the rhino brace, she was even taking a few steps in it. So once she was cleared to not wear it during the day, it was only a day or two before she was walking.

She is supposed to still be wearing the rhino brace for ~12 hours a day (at night). We had her most recent hip dysplasia appointment right before Christmas, and she was still wearing the brace at night until about the second week of January. But she progressively got less and less tolerant of it. At first, I started taking the brace off around 5 AM, so that Neola would sleep in later. Then she started waking up an hour after going to bed, upset that she was in the brace, so I would take it off. Finally, she started screaming when I even tried putting her in the brace at bedtime, so we just had to stop it. She gets another x-ray at the end of March, so praying we’ll still get good news.

Her treatment for hip dysplasia has actually gone really well, though. When she had her first surgery, we were pleasantly surprised (considering her age) that she was able to have a closed reduction (no incision). After six weeks in a cast, her femur ball stayed in the hip socket well enough that she didn’t need to be recasted (as we been planning), but could go straight into a rhino brace. All of her x-rays since then have shown progress, albeit slow. Mainly what her doctor is looking for now is for the hip socket to grow deeper, to better match her other hip socket (that didn’t have dysplasia).

Besides Neola having a wider-than-normal gait, looking at her now, you would never know that she had been treated for hip dysplasia. She is a busy, active, rough-and-tumble toddler! She loves being in the mix, often instigating roughhousing and wrestling. In the past 3-4 months (and especially since she started walking), Neola and Corbin have really started playing together. Overall, Corbin is good at toning down his play to Neola’s level, though he does occasionally make her cry. Just recently, Corbin and Neola were playing “Alligator” where Neola would run around while Corbin “chased” her making alligator noises. It cracked Neola up.

Neola also gets a lot of attention from Emma and Annabelle, but does not like being coddled, cuddled, or babied. She is an independent little girl!

Things Neola loves:

  • Carrying/hugging baby dolls, most often several at once. “Baaybeeee,” she says in her adorable little voice.
  • Pushing/pulling around a laundry basket, wagon, stroller, sled, or shopping cart full of various things. Emptying the things out one by one, only to turn right around and put them back in one by one.
  • Taking baths or playing in water in the sink or in a bowl on the counter
  • Climbing onto the kitchen table or counter
  • Coloring with markers and pens
  • Playing with Eating playdough
  • Being in the mix with her siblings

Things Neola has done since her last post:

Celebrated her 2nd Christmas

Gone sledding & snowmobiling

Played in the leaves, hiked in the woods (on Mommy’s back), and had a couple of winter campfires

Went to the Great Wolf Lodge waterpark (she did well overall) and Otter Cove Children’s Museum in Fergus Falls

Dressed up like a ballerina for Halloween and playing games at Big J’s Pizza Arcade

Words that Neola knows and says right now are: Mommy, Daddy, Ba (ball or sheep sound), Baby, Help (when she wants to help with laundry), See (when she wants to be lifted up to look outside), Guys (referring to Emma, Annabelle, and/or Corbin), Nana (banana), Side (when she wants to go outside). She also says “Yeah!” a lot in response to different questions like “Do you want to get down?” or “Do you want to go have a snack?” Probably the thing she says the most often though is “Daddy Shy” or Daddy Tie” — Travis and I debate whether it’s Shy or Tie at the end — or “Mommy Shy/Tie”. So much so that we’ve started calling her Buschky Shy or Buschky Tie. Her nickname started off as Babushka, then morphed into Buschky. We also call her Ba-bee (short “a” as in cat).

And that’s Neola at 21 months!

Hopefully I’ll post another update on her around the time she turns 2 (on May 12)!

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Life with Kids Isn’t Romantic, But It’s Good

11 Feb

I like the stereotype of a homemaker. Bare hands kneading bread dough. Tulips in a mason jar by the sink. Daily cleaning schedule followed routinely. Fluffing couch pillows, cozy throw blanket draped over the end.

But that is not my reality.

My reality is kids fighting over who gets which toy shopping cart, or dinosaur figurine, or baby blanket for their doll.

My reality is impatiently flipping quesadillas in a skillet while my oldest kids are told for the tenth time to finish their math and my youngest child pulls on my shirt, screaming, wanting a nap.

My reality is tulips on kitchen counters being crowded out by school papers, stray toys, drying paint brushes, and unopened mail.

My reality is bouncy balls crashing into home decor, little fingers streaking windows, bowls and utensils being removed from drawers into the living room, water cups applying for green cards to stay anywhere but the kitchen.

Life with kids is NOT peaceful. I get into trouble whenever I start thinking that it should be, that the stereotype listed above is actually attainable with kids home all day.

So let’s change the stereotype.

Instead of a “cozy, relaxing, feet-up by the fireplace, cute matching decor, everyone existing calmly and lovingly together” vibe, let’s envision…

Creative kids’ artwork hung on the walls. Entryways filled with all manner of coats, boots, and gear needed for outdoor adventures. Toys in main rooms, in easy reach of all children, for playing, imagining, and cleaning up. Bright colors, mismatching comforters, and umpteen stuffies in kids’ shared bedrooms.

Instead of kids playing nicely in one spot with a contained, matching set of toys that is easily put away into its designated bin, let’s dream about…

Kids performing plays in dress-up clothes with friends. Banks, grocery stores, and ice cream shops created by moving toys and furniture around. Toddlers being pulled, pushed, and played with by eager big siblings. Recycled plastics pulled from the bin and filled with snow, sand, or water by kids “camping” outside.

Let’s stop (talking to myself!) romanticizing homemaking and life with kids, and celebrate the reality. Real life, the GOOD life, is MESSY. It’s loud. It’s untidy. It doesn’t fit in the box it came in.

And that’s ok.

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Choosing Joy Instead of Control

3 Feb

As I write this, duffel bags stuffed full sit in piles around my living room floor. My kids have been wiling away these below-zero Minnesota days playing “Airport.” Unopened packages of diapers and wipes, baby dolls, and papers with ticket numbers and gate designations are also strewn haphazardly throughout our entire main level. A mound of pillows and blankets rises up from the bottom of the stairs (not related to the Airport game), and the kitchen counter is covered in watercolor paint.

These are the remnants of a homeschool day.

I verbally and intellectually assent to one of the benefits of homeschooling being time to play, time to imagine. And I do truly believe that. But this mess, this is the price. The price I never really want to pay. As a person whose personality has always been “A place for everything, and everything in its place,” the sweeping and unnecessary removal of things from their places seems brazen, reckless, and draining. “But all of that was where it belonged!!” I fume.

And they don’t just limit the stuff they put into bags (so. many. bags.) to their own stuff. They also bag up pantry food, bogart dish towels and plastic plates, and temporarily relocate Mommy’s Decorations.

It’s a fact that my kids’ abilities and propensities to create elaborate worlds (I want to say messes, but they really are deliberate schemes) that involve a lot of stuff far, far, far outstrips their energy and willingness to put all that stuff away. I really don’t think they are unique in that regard. As a 1 on the Enneagram, this is where my inner critic pipes up and says, “And you put away too many toys for them! You let them get away with too much! They should be forced to pick up ALL of their worlds/messes themselves. If they were, perhaps they wouldn’t make such big messes.”

Thanks inner critic, that’s very… unhelpful.

We do require our kids to help clean up. They each have a nightly chore.

But like I said, the mess is bigger than their willingness to clean, and my willingness to force them. (Plus, I secretly really enjoy putting things away, but that’s beside the point.)

These messes drive me kind of batty, like eye-twitching batty. I hate messes. I hate things being out of place. I am the person who walks by the bookshelf on the way to the bathroom, or to get a cup of coffee, and stops just to shift a decoration over half an inch, so that it’s exactly “where it should be.”

Needless to say, having four kids and homeschooling* while trying to keep a clean, tidy house is an exercise in futility.

Even as I write those words, I can imagine all the moms out there on the other side of the internet reading my words and sighing exasperatedly, “No, it’s not futile!” Whether they’re saying that from the position of having conquered the house messes, or from being unwilling to wave the white flag in their quest for the tidy house, I’m not sure. Maybe a little of both?

Tonight, I started down the familiar ruts of throwing toys around (if they break, I throw them away without remorse) and venting at my kids about the messes they make but don’t clean up, but I knew — the Spirit reminded me — that that was not how I wanted to act. So I took a breather. I stood out in my 33-degree garage in the dark, praying to God.

He reminded me that “My kids are more important than a clean house.”

I could think of so many objections, so many qualifications. But my personality…! But they need to learn…! But they are being…!

No. No excuses. No buts.

If I truly want healing, if I truly want wholeness, if I truly want peace, I have to do things God’s way.

I have to do things God’s way.

I hate to admit that God’s way is quite a bit different than how I have been handling these messes. In this struggle and tension, I am often reminded of the amazing quote from Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts:

“I’m blind to joy’s well every time I really don’t want it. The well is always there. And I choose not to see it. Don’t I really want joy? Don’t I really want the fullest life? For all my yearning for joy, longing for joy, begging for joy–is the bald truth that I prefer the empty dark? Prefer drama? Why do I lunge for control instead of joy? Is it somehow more perversely satisfying to flex control’s muscle? Ah–power–like Satan. Do I think Jesus-grace too impotent to give me the full life?”

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I lunge for control instead of joy.

So tonight, after regrouping and praying, I came out of the garage, dried my tears, walked past all the messes, gave my kids hugs, told them I loved them, and apologized for yelling at them. I told them that they were more important than the messes, than a clean house.

And I want to live there, whether it be amidst messes or amidst a semi-tidy house.

I want to choose joy, instead of control. Connection over cleanliness.

(*I add homeschooling because when our kids attended public school and were gone for the whole school day, it was very different. It was still busy, still challenging, but there was much less house mess to contend with.)

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Thirst {2023 Focus}

14 Jan

Last year, my “word for the year” was Hope, and it was sooooo applicable, and helpful, and I probably reminded myself to Hope in God and Not Give Up at least once a day, if not multiple times a day. Because it was a haaaaaaarrrrrrrrddddddd year. Like, the hardest of my life. Not the hardest in the sense that any one thing really hard happened — for example, not like the year my mom died, or the year I had a miscarriage, or the year I had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. But hard in the sense that Travis and I were both stretched beyond our limits, every day, without reprieve. A quote from Madame Hohlakov in The Brothers Karamazov says it well, “What’s killing me is no one thing in particular… but everything together, that’s what is too much for me.”

It wasn’t just having a fourth child, or just that she slept (and still sleeps) terribly at night, or that she wouldn’t (and still won’t) nap on her own, or that my preschooler was (and still is) stubborn and contrarian, or that my husband works from home while we also homeschool, or that we homeschool period, or that my husband’s job was really stressful (for the last several years), or that our fourth child needed surgery for Hip Dysplasia and then to be in cast and a rhino brace for four months. It was all. of. it. together.

But we are, finally, starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Neola is out of the rhino brace during the day and started walking right before Christmas. She can handle the stairs now, so we took our stair gate down. Corbin has grown a lot in preschool since September, and can now actually sit through an entire church service (which he has done twice!). Emma and Annabelle are learning how to make basic meals like quesadillas and mac & cheese in the kitchen, and often include Corbin very well in their play, which is especially helpful when I’m holding Neola for a nap. So the kids are gaining independence and getting easier to manage on the whole.

A consistent struggle our family still has, though, is dealing with messes. Because we homeschool, we are home. A LOT. And things get messy. Fast. We are still following the routines I mentioned in a previous post, but there’s still so much stuff to deal with on a daily basis—toys, hair brushes, dirty dishes, water cups, laundry, papers from preschool and church, winter gear! I decluttered and organized a bunch last year. And we changed our Christmas gift-giving this year to decrease the amount of new toys received. But we still struggle!

My order-loving personality thinks that true happiness would be found if I could just once and for all solve the problem of house messes and clutter. I thrive in a tidy, peaceful, welcoming, cozy environment. But trying to keep the chaos at bay in a house of four young kids while homeschooling makes me feel like I’m spinning my wheels and going in circles.

So when thinking about what I wanted for this year, I really wanted to choose a word like Tidy, Order, or Predictable. I’ve been yearning, desiring, thirsting for more order, balance, peace—less mess, confusion, stress. But I knew choosing a word like that would be missing the point. True, lasting, deep-seated happiness isn’t found in a clean, tidy house (and a clean, tidy house isn’t realistic anyway!).

I thought about what was beneath those urges and yearnings, and realized it was a thirst for more. Last year, I had a lot of desires and wishes that I didn’t have the ability (energy/time/hands) to carry out. I am so thirsty to engage with more of life.

As I thought and prayed about the word Thirst, God brought these verses from Isaiah 55 to mind:

Isaiah 55:1-3

The Compassion of the LORD

    [1] “Come, everyone who thirsts,
        come to the waters;
    and he who has no money,
        come, buy and eat!
    Come, buy wine and milk
        without money and without price. 
    [2] Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
        and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
    Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
        and delight yourselves in rich food. 
    [3] Incline your ear, and come to me;
        hear, that your soul may live;
    and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,
        my steadfast, sure love for David.

Everyone who thirsts…

That’s me.

He who has no money…

That’s also me, bringing nothing to the table.

Come to the waters! Come, buy and eat!

God provides generously, abundantly, compassionately, intentionally, initiatively.

Why do you spend… your labor for that which does not satisfy?

That’s a good question. I don’t want to spend my labor on that which doesn’t satisfy. God, show me how to not waste my energy, time, attention, moments.

Listen diligently to me… incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live.

God, it is Your ways that lead to life. Help me choose Your ways over mine. Help me prioritize prayer more this year, in my own walk, in my homeschool, with my husband, and in our family. I want to listen diligently.

Thirst.

This year, I want to thirst for the better thing. If something isn’t serving me well, or increasing my thirst for God, His Kingdom, and eternity, out it goes! I have finite time — I need to use it wisely on the things that satisfy.

To that end, I have made changes to my social media habits. I took the month of December off from Instagram and Facebook almost completely, and I am not planning to reinstall the apps on my phone. I can view the sites in a web browser, but it’s kind of a pain, so it’s not as enjoyable to scroll. I also am not posting to my stories any more, will only post to my wall (or whatever you call it) about once a week, and I unfollowed almost all accounts of people I don’t know in real life. I do better in my own life with less social media.

I have also already used my focus word when deciding between chores and family fun. One night, we decided to go on a flashlight hike in our neighborhood after dinner. (It actually ended up being the night of the full moon in January, which was super cool, and meant we didn’t really need flashlights!) Going on the hike meant that the house didn’t get tidied up like normal, but I thought about the verse, “Why do you spend your labor on that which does not satisfy?” Needless to say, I chose memories over routine. And it was amazing! One of my favorite memories with the kids of all time.

I’m excited to see what God has in store for us on 2023. I also hope it involves a little—make that a lot—more sleep.

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Learning Some New Things

19 Nov

To follow up my last post about relearning the same old things, I thought I’d share a couple of the new things I’ve been learning over the past six months or so.

Bad Days Don’t Have to Turn into Existential Crises

Recently, all my kids (9, 7, 4, 18 months) sat through a church service with minimal drama or chaos. I was pleasantly surprised. This past week, I planned out meals Sunday night, picked up a Walmart order on Monday, and we had non-frozen-pizza dinners the whole week. Bedtime on Monday night with my husband gone actually went really smoothly. Our three older kids all share a bedroom right now (their choice); I nursed Neola in the chair in the room while singing songs, and everyone zonked.

But these things don’t mean that I am a great mom or that I have it all together — mostly it just means that the stars have aligned, and things have fallen together in such a way as to work out swimmingly. Case in point: Bedtime Tuesday night (with my husband still gone) was a total cluster. Same mom, same kids, different outcome.

Sure, there are some routines and preparations that have gone into those situations, but any parent knows that you can prepare or you can not prepare; you can teach or you can not teach; you can do your darnedest or you can wing it; and you really have no control over the outcome. Because your kids are their own persons, and they have their own experiences and factors going into every and any situation.

Sometimes things go really well.

And sometimes they just don’t.

It was fairly easy for me to learn that just because a certain situation worked out well didn’t mean that I was super mom. No sooner had I had thoughts like that than one of the kids threw a tantrum or hit their sibling, and it was painfully obvious that no, indeed, I am NOT super mom with angelic children that I have perfectly raised.

But it has taken me longer, much longer, to learn that those bad days, those stressful situations, also don’t mean that I am a bad mom, with bad kids. Carrying a screaming child out of a store because I told them I wouldn’t buy them a toy, or having a child wander off in church or a store and be brought back by a helpful but slightly judgmental adult, or losing my sh!t on my kids while they fight about who gets to play “delivery” with the groceries we just bought while the toddler is screaming full-bore — any and all of these situations threaten to prove to me my worst fears: I am a bad mom; I can’t handle my kids, let alone homeschooling; other moms are way better at this job than I am; and why did God entrust me with these souls?

But bad days or stressful situations do not have to turn into existential crises. Just like the parenting triumphs, they can be viewed as circumstantial. Like the saying, “Bad days don’t make bad moms,” stressful situations and bad days don’t need to be interpreted in the light of who I am or my worth as a person/mom. Having a rough homeschooling day where we did not even scratch the surface of what we needed to get done because of kids with bad or whiny attitudes, or mom’s own meltdown, often tempts to me wonder, “WHY am I homeschooling? How did I think I could handle this? These kids would be better off in school.” But a bad day doesn’t mean that the lifestyle you’re living is the wrong one for you. A bad day means a bad day. Period. Get up the next day and try again.

And for the love of Pete, don’t make any big decisions about your life while you’re having a bad day! Do something that makes you laugh or takes your focus off how frustrating things are. Get your kids outside. Watch a funny show. Take a nap with the baby. Then, when you’re in a better place and mood, if your lifestyle choices really are the wrong ones for you, God will reveal that to you then. Things always look worse at night and in the throes of a bad day.

Do the Hard Work of Healing

It’s hunting season here in Minnesota, which has been the annual nadir of my mental health since my husband is an avid hunter. I’ve blogged about that here and here. My husband and I joke (but it’s not a joke) that hunting is a four-letter word in our household. I have a love/hate relationship with hunting. I love that my husband has a hobby that he really enjoys, and that provides fresh, wild game meat for our family (95% of what we eat for red meat). But I hate that it takes him away from the family on top of his full-time job, for hours and often days at a time.

I have prayed and prayed about this issue, asking God to help me have an encouraging, positive attitude about his hunting. But year after year, I feel the familiar grip of bitterness and resentment. Back in 2016, this feeling led to me getting a part-time job. I thought that having something outside the house would help me better deal with being “stuck” alone with child duty for what felt days upon days. And it did… somewhat. It also added stresses and challenges of its own. (A big reason why I think moms, whether they work in the home, work from home, or work outside the home, all have unique challenges and hardships! None is on the whole easier or harder — they’re just easy and hard in different ways.)

Now I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mama to four, and I can honestly say that I really enjoy all this time with my kids. Do I love every moment? Absolutely not. Do I love the constant messes (when your kids are here all. the. time., the messes!!), the whininess, the juggling, the constant at-home-ness? Not always. But it is worth it in so many ways.

Nevertheless, it has increased the challenge of my husband being gone hunting. As I was praying about this issue again this fall, God brought to mind the story of the paralyzed man lying by the waters of Bethesda (recorded in John 5:1-15). This scene was powerfully portrayed in the show The Chosen. “Do you want to be healed?” Jesus asked the man. “Do you want to be healed?” God was asking me.

So often, we want deliverance from a hard situation, but we are clinging to certain things that hold us back. We cling to excuses, lies, and fears. In the case of hunting season, I had an expectation of what it would look like for God to deliver me from my bitterness and resentment. And when He didn’t do that, I wondered why He was allowing me to continue to struggle with this year after year. Would it always be this way in our marriage? (Which led to the slippery slope of, “Doesn’t my husband care about our marriage? Why would he continue in a hobby that causes so much strife?”)

This year, there were two specific instances when I was on the verge (and even sliding over the edge) of a self-pity breakdown. I went to God in prayer, and wrestled with the truths He had given me through my recent Bible study. In my mom-dazed brain, I honestly cannot even remember what specifically they were right now! But the gist was that if I really wanted to be free from this struggle, if I really wanted to get well, then I had to do things God’s way. And doing things God’s way in this situation was letting go of all the excuses and justifications I had for why hunting season was so hard and overwhelming; trusting God to supply every thing I needed as I needed it; and support my husband in hunting with a positive attitude.

Have I done this perfectly? No. Well? Probably not. But I have made progress. It has been a personal sacrifice to support my husband in hunting. But I think the difference this year is that the sacrifice was made for God, not for my husband. But in submitting to God first and foremost, I have also been enabled to submit to and support my husband.

(Lest you get the wrong impression, part of our continued journey in figuring out how we can incorporate hunting into our family life in a healthy manner is also figuring out how I can get more regular breaks from the kids to do things that bring me joy. Hence why I am in a coffee shop right now typing this post!)

If you are reading this, I encourage you to look at a challenging situation in your life and honestly ask yourself, Do you want to be healed? Are you willing to do the hard work of healing? Are you willing to do things God’s way, despite any excuses or justifications to the contrary you might have? God’s ways are always best.

“This God — his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him” (Psalm 18:30).

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